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denise2728 · Apr 16, 2007, 01:10 PM

My husband and I feel like we have gotten caught up in the new way of parenting teens. However, we want to go back and raise his son with the same values as we were both raised. We just don't want to go overboard and be too strict. Should a 13 year old be allowed to go to the movies, rodeo, bowling, etc. with just his friends and no parental supervision? Should he be able to have friends over every weekend or be at a friends every weekend? Should he be allowed to do something both Friday and Saturday night of every weekend? Please Please Please help before we pull our hair out.

ballengerb1 · Apr 16, 2007, 01:25 PM

13 is about the age when kids really rather be with their friends than their parents. All those activities sound just fine but maybe you can offer to be the chaufer. That way you will still have some distant supervision. Tell you son that his friends are welcome to come over to your house and supply pop corn and refreshments but don't hover around. You don't need to totally ley go, just be in the background. He'll love you even more for supporting him.

Emland · Apr 16, 2007, 01:30 PM

My 13 year old won't be going anywhere like that unchaperoned. I believe they are called children for a reason (that reason being that they don't think well independently) and can get into trouble easily.

I'm call old fashioned on a regular basis. You get used to it.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 16, 2007, 04:25 PM

Maybe, maybe and maybe, and the rest maybe

Does he do good grades, does he respect you and other adults, Is he getting his home work done.

At those points he should be allowed more and more, but I am not sure being gone and with friends every weekend all weekend is healthy either, there should be some famaily time also.

vlee · Apr 16, 2007, 05:20 PM

I think his level of freedom needs to be based on his attitude, actions, and general disposition. He should have to earn his independent status.

krittengirl · Apr 17, 2007, 09:54 AM

I agree with the person who said to chauffer them, and even to chaperone them. Be the parent who is willing to tag along with your child and his friends, but give them appropriate independence while you are with them. Let them feel like they are with their friends not with mom or dad and their friends. It is normal for them to be drawn towards independence at this age, and if you want him to be able to make the good decisions as an adult he has to learn how to make them a bit at a time. Don't be afraid to allow him to make a mistake, just be there to help him out when he does. Try to have an open home where your child and his friends are comfortable hanging out. If you can afford it provide snacks -teens are drawn to free food. Have an area, like a family room where they can hang out on their own, but still be close enough to be aware of what is happening. Also remember to block out some time each week for family time, you know what would work for your schedule.