Originally, after selling my home I was looking for a condo, we both moved in with my Mom and after many times of my Mom thinking that the disrespectfulness would stop if I were to leave . Out I go ten blocks away and my daughter sees me maybe once a week. Im not there to see that saying you have no homework only goes so far then after a day you dont believe it. Upon discussing it with her now after 2 years of this going on, she tell me fu thats the reason we dont get along because now she failing like 3 classes and she tells my Mom ,because she asks her, according to my Mom doesnt want to be around me. I tell her she doesnt need to be given the choice wheither to see me or not , its my Mom who has minipulated this whole thing to get rid of me. You see Im convinced that she really hates me enough to take advantage of my self and daughter to get what she always wanted. She plays the martar she friend tell her shes crazy for taking care of these kids and doing so much for them, I wonder if they are saying to her yes you are crazy like sick in the head number one to put your son in the position not to be a father but just whatever she wants to put me down to. She brings up and looks for negative things then changes them some to make me look real bad, and not behind my back right in front of me the few times Ive been around. That I know Is the destructive behavior that she is associated with bringing this up infront of my daughter hurts her as well as me and in the end now again after 2 years she doesnt want to be aroud my mom and I together. I told my Mom this same thing and she called me back after thinking and said its your problem I said the three of us and ashrink need to sit down and talk. Im sure she my Mom must know what that woiuld mean she would have to go back and treat me like a human being. . My Mom would threaten her to have to go live with me if she continues to make a mess, she can make a mess like you wouldnt believe. Also she is so direspectful to her as well as me My mom says I cant take it you better talk to her or your going to get her back. I say give her back now and now she stopped saying that. Id be much better off with her here as well as she would be. The difference is my Mom has millions but acts like shes broke when it convient to her , like when she tells me how much it cost to have her there. One very important part of this family my mom has from the begining of my daughter living there has left me out of their business they go away for vacations weekends, 4 or 5 nights out for dinner and the rest of their time they are at the mall spending thousands shopping its become the only thing I see the two of them can do. What am I to do?( to be cont.)

krittengirl

You definitely need to see a family counselor, and you need to do it even if you can not get your mother to go with you at first. Shrink has a negative connotation so use the word counselor around your mother and daughter. Are either you or your mother involved with a local church? Sometimes going to speak with a pastor or lay counselor (trained but not in a degree program) can be less intimidating. One thing that I am seeing is that a lot of this is not really about your daughter. You haven't had a good relationship with your mother in a long time, have you? Does your mother have custody or guardianship, or is your daughter just "staying there"? It is natural for your mother to want to spoil your daughter a bit, after all she is the grandmother. Dont try to take all contact away, but encourage your mother to be a grandmother, not a parent. Most grandparents will tell you that it is a lot more fun to be able to have fun with the child and send them home at the end. It is the fun parts of parenting without the harder parts. You and your mother need to come to an agreement not to put each other down in front of your daughter, or with her hearing about it. Your daughter probably feels like she is in the middle of your battles being pulled each way. I don't think that this is a situation that developed overnight, and it will not be solved overnight. You will all need to be dedicated to making a change, but let it begin with you. I am not saying that you need it any more than they do, but you are only in control of you, and you cannot force others to change their attitude. This is a unique situation. You are not going to find a book detailing your situation. Speak with a counselor on your own, then when the counselor tells you, work on bringing your daughter and mother into the counselling situation.