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    moria1460's Avatar
    moria1460 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Sep 3, 2010, 06:27 PM
    13 year old daughter refuses to go to school?
    Hello,
    My 13 year old daughter is an extremely stubborn and rebellious child. She gets angry and anxious very easily and we are currently looking to get her into sessions with a Marriage Family Therapist. She has no fear of any type of law (she doesn't wear the seatbelt if she is angry) and thinks her father will get her out of everything and bend rules for her as he has spoiled her in the past. She has been in an area that is far from us as she was in the GATE program and now she has made friends that I have never really seen and she uses profanity against me.

    She will be going into 9th grade next year. However, she wants to go to School X (which is near where she went to Junior High School and a lot of her friends will be going there). We live about 5 miles away from that area and it is in quite a run-down/"ghetto" area. However, her transfer request to that school was denied because School X is full. School Y is literally in front of our house and is within walking distance it is brand new and is in a better area (even with budget cuts, the school easily looks like a private high school). However, she says she will not leave her friends and will not go to School Y at all.

    She is unwilling to accept the reality that her transfer request was denied and she thinks she can make a fit in front of the school counselors (who have visited our home when she refused to go to school on the last day of 8th grade) and they will convince the Child Welfare and Attendance (CWA) department to bend the rules somehow or she might throw a fit/be difficult and my husband might talk/bribe the CWA district office to accommodate her into the school of her choice.

    The main reason she was in the area of school X was because she did her elementary in that area (because she was a GATE student). Her grades dropped after elementary and she was no longer in the GATE program. During the summer of 2008, she did the same thing with us. She wanted to go to the Junior High of her choice and would not budge. We tried to get her to go to a private junior high and she went for the test, but she said she would not go (she was less difficult and stearn than she is now).

    However, now her friendship connections have gotten stronger and she is against going anywhere with us outside of the house at all. She only wants to go and be with her friends. By the way, her friends have never come to our house and she only goes to them with the movies, etc. She says that she will be truant and will demand that my husband quit his job to homeschool her if it comes to that.

    The skye can fall to the ground for all she cares. She doesn't care about the fact that my mom just had a stroke (she is still living with us) but she will scream, yell, vandalize/damage our home until she gets what she wants. My husband bought her a bike a few months back just for exercise purposes, but when she gets angry at us, she takes it and says she won't come back. My husband then takes the car to go after her and tries to talk to her for a few hours and they don't come back until early in the morning.

    I honestly don't know what to do at this point. School starts September 7th, and her response has not changed. What are our legal rights as parents? The orientation for freshman is on Wednesday at 8AM, and she is not waking up anytime before 12 PM (b/c she sleeps at 2AM since she is chatting/texting on laptop)these days because she is under the impression that everyone will have to give in to her tantrums and let her do whatever she wants. She is totally out of control and uses vulgar language as part of her dialogue with anyone (f-word, b-word, c*nt, etc.)

    The orientation is not mandatory, but it will help to get things started on the right track for her when she starts school... should I push for her to go or call the police if she refuses.

    On the first day of school, should I call the police and report her as truant if she does not go willingly. If she is so adamant for homeschooling, can the law require us to provide it to her by quitting our jobs? She has to be in school and there is no excuse for that... are there any private/millitary schools that we could possibly force her into. We are in the Anaheim, California area.

    I am very concerned about talking to her myself on this matter as she completely looses control whenever she gets angry and has the ability to harm others or herself.

    I am very scared about the coming weeks and I don't know what it will do to my other children. She is physically very strong and can pull off almost anything. She just doesn't accept that budget cuts,School X is full and she thinks that we purposefully orchestrated it so that she couldn't go.

    However, she says that she will not go to school on Tuesday and that we will have to make her. She is kicking and screaming and crying. She is quite strong so it is going to be difficult to force her to go there. Is there any type of enforcement that I can lawfully use that would possibly benefit her? She thinks she can just be a truant and be homeschooled. But we can't do that. If she does end up going she is threatening to get herself expelled so that she won't have to go. I'm also afraid that she may not do her homework/assignments, etc.

    I am so sorry for the long post, but I just needed to vent my concerns. I appreciate any advice.

    Thanks,
    Moria

    {Moved From Family Law-<>}
    justcurious55's Avatar
    justcurious55 Posts: 4,360, Reputation: 790
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    #2

    Sep 3, 2010, 07:05 PM

    You're the parent here, not her. Will her father really offer bribes and let her get away with all of this? That could be a real problem if he won't back you up. The two of you need to be on the same page.

    I don't know what your legal rights are. But I know your legal responsibility is to make sure she gets to school. Why is she allowed to go out after this sort of behavior? And how is she allowed to stay up until 2 in the morning texting and chatting? My laptop and phone would have been taken away so fast if I ever tried any of this with my aunt. And I would have had to work to earn it back (fortunately I learned from siblings mistakes to just do what I was told, they would go without phone and computer for months sometimes).

    I remember there used to be a kid down the street from me who thought he would stop going to school. It was a long time ago, I don't remember all the details, there was probably much more to it than just him not going to school. What I do remember very clearly was the police (he might have had a probation officer or something) showing up and literally dragging his butt out of the house and down to the school. I hope it doesn't come down to the cops having to get involved, but it might just be the wake up call she needs.

    It's definitely time for some tough love from you though. You set the boundaries and make the rules, and she has to learn to follow them. You don't have to let her go out with friends, you don't have to let her have a phone, and you do not have to let her use the internet or computer.
    Kitkat22's Avatar
    Kitkat22 Posts: 6,302, Reputation: 1191
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    #3

    Sep 3, 2010, 08:04 PM

    I can't believe I'm reading this! A thirteen year old girl has the run of the house. Lady you and your husband better make some drastic changes or she'll be in juvie in another year.

    She won't budge? My Lord I have never heard of anything so silly in
    My life. What can she do ? You are the parent and she needs to corrected. Not beaten. Corrected.

    And you and your husband need parenting classes. NO thirteen year old is going to rule me and if your smart, you'll show her who the parent is.
    asking's Avatar
    asking Posts: 2,673, Reputation: 660
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    #4

    Sep 3, 2010, 08:33 PM

    You have waited too long to discipline your daughter and I am a bit pessimistic. I can tell you what you should have been doing.

    First of all if your husband is spoiling her as much as you say, you've got a major problem and he's going to have to change and it's going to have to come from him. There's no use him saying you are making him do it, or she will just blame you and they will be back conspiring again. So he's a major problem and someone other than you probably has to tell him that. He's not doing his daughter any favors and if he really loves her, he'll stop giving in to every single thing she wants.

    Meanwhile take away the phone and laptop until she willingly is in bed at 9 am and lights out by 10. Period. If she can't do that without argument, no phone, no laptop. She can read a book between 9 and 10.

    Do NOT try to physically carry her to school. You are right that she is probably very strong and she is Much too old for that. This is something you might consider at age 4 but that was a long time ago.

    She is not an adult, but she is not a small child either and needs to be treated in some intermediate fashion. I really agree with kitkat that you should look into parenting classes. They will not only give you techniques for dealing with her, but also support, which you need. AND they will help your husband see that he is doing the worst possible thing for his daughter's long term mental health.

    Has either of you used physical punishment in the last few years? Do you hit her or push her?
    Also, how does your husband treat you. Does he treat you with respect? Are you two able to come to an agreement about your daughter and both stick to that? It's important to have a united front and it sounds like he is not sticking to agreements. Are you better about that? Or is he better than he sounds here?

    EDIT: Sorry. I didn't see this was in family law. Stand by my advice, but obviously, this isn't legal advice.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
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    #5

    Sep 3, 2010, 08:40 PM
    Are there other children in the home?

    My opinion is that your daughter needs to be professionally evaluated, by a psychiatrist. This goes far beyond talk therapy, that would have possibly helped, a long time ago.

    You are jumping to the conclusion that you will have to 'force' her, quite literally, by police escort if necessary, to attend school. She will not stay most likely, no matter how many strong arm tactics are used to force her against her will.

    All I can tell you without knowing more about pretty much everything, is what I would do, and this is what I would do, with an out of control 13 year old.

    I would tell her, she does not have to go to school. I would then call the school, and advise them that she will not be attending, and you cannot physically force her to do so.

    They in turn will start the wheels turning on their end. It is consequence in action so to speak, because she cannot legally be out of school, and you are legally responsible to ensure she is in school.

    If there is a truant officer, or official of the school, they will visit, and they will ask you what the problem is.

    If you were to read them this post you have just written, they would most likely be thinking that you two have been enabling, and due to your inaction and negative parenting, have thus produced the child that stands defiantly in front of them.

    The lack of discipline, structure, and basic parenting skill is so devoid in your home, that they would consider this child a danger to herself. She is out of control of herself, and in control of her parents, which is a very dangerous position for her to be in. The behaviour will only escalate obviously because nobody knows how to stop her.

    Then the child welfare authorities will most likely be notified, because of the behaviour of this child, conceiveably caused by, or due to, the lack of effective parenting. You will be directly questioned about why things are so out of control, why you cannot discipline your 13 year old child effectively, and why your solution to this complicated situation is simply to call the police to force her to attend school.

    By this stage of the game, the school issue will be replaced with issues of accountability- and they will all be yours, and your husbands. It is your responsibility to raise your child, not the child's responsibility to raise herself. She did not become this way overnight, nor did she become this way because of her friends, or the school she attends.

    Your husband will be also asked to explain why he handles discipline the way he does, when he is aware, or should be aware, that what he does further endangers this child. She will only gain more and more power if this is left unchecked, and end up out on the streets at all hours, doing things no 13 year old should be doing. Be prepared to answer to the future consequences of not being in control of your child.

    If you continue to blame your out of control daughter, on your out of control daughter, they will further be convinced that further intervention is needed with a counsellor, with her teachers, with the entire family.

    It has all reached a critical point in my opinion, and your solutions are too little, too late.

    Get her in to see a Psychiatrist who is skilled with mental illness and extreme behaviour problems, and allow for any and all possibilities to help pinpoint and turn her around.

    If you take responsibility now, to address the very obvious problems you have outlined here, and you and your husband maybe get into a parenting class, and if, and only if, you are prepared to work harder than you ever have in your life, you may very well turn this whole thing around, without opening up a can of worms with those that will have a very big say in your life. You are forcing intervention by not taking steps on your own.

    Your daughter is not the first 13 year old to have been allowed to rule the roost, nor will she be the last. But, the responsibility is clearly on your shoulders to accept how she got to where she is, and what needs to be done to change everyone's behaviour.

    If you need to, in addition to having her assessed, enlist the help of the school counsellor, by all means do so. While she is out of school, they can assist with giving you homework for her so she does not fall behind. Work with them, and ask for help.

    She may have a learning disability, or there could be many, many other things in addition to the home environment, that have contributed to where she is now. But clearly, she needs help, she is out of control, and if she's out of control, so too are you and your husband.

    The longer you wait to tackle this, the harder it will be. Just as her behaviour has escalated, so too will the problems, until she gets the help she needs.
    cdad's Avatar
    cdad Posts: 12,700, Reputation: 1438
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    #6

    Sep 4, 2010, 05:22 AM

    First off. Since she is 13 she owns nothing. Since she is under your roof you only need to provide food and shelter. That's all. Strip her room and her personal items. No computer or cellphone or anything. Take away any inappropriate clothing.
    If she has her hissy fit. Let her but don't give in. If she punches holes in walls or slams dorrs or breaks anything. Call the police and let them deal with her as incouragable.

    Its called tough love. If you don't do something now then its only going to get worse. If she has fits get a video camera. Tape her having them. Make sure there is 1 blanket and 1 pillow. And that's all for her room. Let her see and feel what her future is going to be like on this path. If she wants to know why your doing all this just tell her because you don't HAVE to provide all the nice things in life only the basics.
    QLP's Avatar
    QLP Posts: 980, Reputation: 656
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    #7

    Sep 4, 2010, 06:29 AM

    Agree with all the above, it is time to toughen up to this young madam. She is even telling you this herself when she says she is not going to school you will have to make her - that is a defiant child crying out for some discipline.

    She removes her seatbelt when she is angry - then the car goes nowhere. This was a rule I enforced in my car for all children, not just my own, from the minute they were old enough to fasten/unfasten their belts.

    The laptop, phone, and any other privelidges she has go now, and she has to earn them back by reasonable behaviour. She needs a roof over her head, food, water, and clothes on her back. Anything else is a privelidge to be earned. She is abusing the ownership of the bike so that goes too. Going out with friends is also to be earned - she misbehaves she gets grounded.

    Make it clear that school is not optional and you will enlist the help of authorities is she doesn't attend and be prepared to do so.

    Sorry this is going to be a bumpy ride because frankly the lack of discipline has gone on way too long, but you can only start from the point you are at. Above all get your husband on board, he has got to learn to stop pandering to what she wants and start giving her what she needs, and you two have got to get on the same page. Consider some family counselling.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
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    #8

    Sep 4, 2010, 07:11 AM
    With all due respect to the above answers, tough love will have to be administered under the guidance of a counsellor/therapist/doctor, etc. I do not believe that the parents are capable of suddently becoming disciplinarians. She will not take them seriously, she'll simply leave, and not likely before she hurts somebody, and destroys property along the way.

    I doubt that her computer use has been monitored, and her friends, as the mom has said, have never been to her house. They think she goes to the movies with them, but I don't hear that there is any communication with any of her daughters friends parents.

    As she has been described so far, essentially without parenting in the form of discipline, and the fact that she is described as anxious and angry, she takes off on her bike, and her father has to go find her, sometimes not bringing her home until the early morning hours. Where has she gone, and what is she doing. She is one step ahead of the parents, and 'tough love' right now will only push her out, and she will end up at one of her friends houses, and no doubt paint a picture of abuse at the hands of her parents, as a reason.

    If she is planning a hissy fit show to convince the administrators of the school she wants to attend, to let her in, she is capable of manipulating anyone, because she has learned it works.

    Short of tying her to a chair and feeding her through a straw, my opinion is intervention is necessary, and she needs to be assessed.

    She's only 13, acting like a 17 year old spoiled teenager, but, she is only 13.

    To the OP, I hope you come back, and at least let us know how things are going, and if you have had any success in getting through to her. You have painted quite a desperate picture of life in your home with this child.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #9

    Sep 4, 2010, 07:22 AM

    Yes, call the police or a direct number to the school resourse officers to come.

    Talk with the juv case workers and see if you can get her sent to a boot camp. Or even detention.

    After a few months of this type of school she may learn that she is to do what she is told.
    asking's Avatar
    asking Posts: 2,673, Reputation: 660
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    #10

    Sep 4, 2010, 07:27 AM

    I strongly recommend against "tough love" boot camps. These places are well known to brutalize their "clients."

    Before you consider such an option, read the book "Help at Any Cost" which discusses boot camps for children.

    "
    In this riveting and deeply troubling book, Maia Szalavitz shows that we don't have to go to Abu Ghraib or Guantanamo to find examples of harsh violations of human rights: frighteningly similar abuses are inflicted on American teenagers today, in programs ostensibly established to help them. Help At Any Cost vividly illuminates the human costs of these 'treatment' programs, and the urgency of challenging their misleading claims before more of our children are irreparably harmed" -- Elliott Currie, Ph.D. Professor Criminology, Law and Society, University of California-Irvine.
    I also don't think treating her like a prisoner at home and removing all of her possessions will accomplish anything except to make her feel totally rejected. She will most likely run away.

    Extreme permissiveness is one reason this is going on, although I'm guessing it's not the only thing going on. I'd really be interested to hear more about the relationship between the parents. In any case, extreme punitiveness is not the answer. Take a measured approach and be patient. Things didn't get this way over night. Don't look for a happy daughter next week. And remember to love her.
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
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    #11

    Sep 4, 2010, 07:37 AM

    Dad especially needs to take a firmer approach and make it clear that the nonsense stops now.
    As others have said, no more "gimmes". She earns what she wants.

    She has learned to manipulate both of you, and unfortunately it is more and more common these days. Your daughter has just taken it to the extreme.

    Discuss it with your husband and decide what your expectations will be and the consequences. Then sit her down and explain this to her. Obviously she will not be pleased, but remain matter of fact (even when she explodes), explaining what will likely take place if she continues to behave as she has and that it literally will be out of your hands... there is absolutely nothing you or your husband can do to change the law. Acknowledge that you understand that she is upset and angry, assure her that she will see her friends at other times and will make new friends, but once again explain the expectations of behaviour. Do follow-up with a family counselor to help all of you to get back on track. You can contact her school or doctor for guidance in that regard.

    Once schools starts, contact the school she in enrolled in and explain the situation. The steps that occur will depend on where you live, but may include the following: They will continue to count her absent or tardy for the days she may show up if late. After a specific number of tardies and/or absences a social worker and/or truant officer will be notified and they will make a visit to your home. They will talk with all of you and offer assistance. They will then explain the process of what will occur if she continues to refuse.

    Depending on where you live... juvenile court and attorney general's office will be notified. A court date will be set and your daughter will have to appear in court to explain why she refuses to attend school. Your daugther may then find the choices left will be attending the school she is enrolled at, being placed in an alternative school, spend some time in juvenile detention. All of you will likely be required to attend court ordered classes.

    No, you will not be forced to quit your job in order to provide her with homeschooling, and yes, you can enroll her in a military or alternative type school.
    Kitkat22's Avatar
    Kitkat22 Posts: 6,302, Reputation: 1191
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    #12

    Sep 4, 2010, 09:54 AM
    So She is out of control. You don't want to discipline her and Daddy sure isn't . Two grown ups scared of a 13 year old brat and that's exactly what she is. I can't blame it all on her, she's the child and you are the parents. You should have had guidelines when she was younger. When she's fifteen or sixteen and wants a new car, I'm sure she'll get one and when she starts partying and crashes that one (if she don't kill herself or some else) Daddy will get her another.

    Be prepared for HELL from her the rest of your life if you don't make some changes NOW. It's time you and your husband took over the role as PARENTS instead of two robots who are controlled by a child. Boot Camp sounds like something you should look into.
    cdad's Avatar
    cdad Posts: 12,700, Reputation: 1438
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    #13

    Sep 4, 2010, 10:36 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by asking View Post
    I also don't think treating her like a prisoner at home and removing all of her possessions will accomplish anything except to make her feel totally rejected. She will most likely run away.

    Extreme permissiveness is one reason this is going on, although I'm guessing it's not the only thing going on. I'd really be interested to hear more about the relationship between the parents. In any case, extreme punitiveness is not the answer. Take a measured approach and be patient. Things didn't get this way over night. Don't look for a happy daughter next week. And remember to love her.
    Here is part of the problem as I see it. Depending on where the OP is there may be laws to put the parents in jail for her not going to school. This situation has gone to the extreme. If the parents can't deal with it then it won't work anyway. What do you think life will be like behind bars? She won't have any choices. And they aren't taking no for an answer either. In tough love situations you have to follow through. If you can't then it doesn't work. There is no caving in to demands. If she runs away or tries being destuctive then you call the police and let them take her. No excuses. It's a wake up call that can cause an epiphany in this girls life. Would therapy help? Who knows for sure. But many defiant children would just blow it off and hear in their heads blah blah blah. The child or any person going to therapy must accept what's going on and must commit to the changes. If not then that's not going to work either. This girl seems to have no respect for authority of any kind. So if this isn't dealt with soon and she wakes up we as adults can see where this is heading. Its like waiting for a train wreck. But in this situation we know the results and can do something to avoid it. Im not saying therapy is wrong. But it has to be accepted in order to work. How you get to that point is something only the OP and the daughter can answer for sure.
    Kitkat22's Avatar
    Kitkat22 Posts: 6,302, Reputation: 1191
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    #14

    Sep 4, 2010, 10:38 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by califdadof3 View Post
    Here is part of the problem as I see it. Depending on where the OP is there may be laws to put the parents in jail for her not going to school. This situation has gone to the extreme. If the parents can't deal with it then it wont work anyway. What do you think life will be like behind bars? She wont have any choices. And they arent taking no for an answer either. In tough love situations you have to follow through. If you can't then it doesnt work. There is no caving in to demands. If she runs away or tries being destuctive then you call the police and let them take her. No excuses. Its a wake up call that can cause an epiphany in this girls life. Would therapy help? Who knows for sure. But many defiant children would just blow it off and hear in thier heads blah blah blah. The child or any person going to therapy must accept whats going on and must commit to the changes. If not then thats not going to work either. This girl seems to have no respect for authority of any kind. So if this isnt dealt with soon and she wakes up we as adults can see where this is heading. Its like waiting for a train wreck. But in this situation we know the results and can do something to avoid it. Im not saying therapy is wrong. But it has to be accepted in order to work. How you get to that point is something only the OP and the daughter can answer for sure.




    I think this child would manipulate therapy and the therapist.
    asking's Avatar
    asking Posts: 2,673, Reputation: 660
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    #15

    Sep 4, 2010, 10:45 AM

    The girl has not missed any school yet. I think it's quite possible she is bluffing and will in fact go to school. A school counselor might help ease the transition to a new school. In any case, it's too soon for an extreme response. The parents are not currently in any danger of going to jail (since she hasn't missed school yet.)

    I believe in following through. I don't believe in threatening things that are not a good idea to follow through on.

    This underparented child does not respect her parents because they have not treated her or themselves with respect and set boundaries for themselves and for her. Nobody in this family has any boundaries.

    Being harsh with her isn't going to make things better. It'll just be a new way to violate boundaries and not communicate. Has anyone talked to her about why she doesn't want to go to this school and really listened? How about a little less drama and hysteria on all sides?
    Kitkat22's Avatar
    Kitkat22 Posts: 6,302, Reputation: 1191
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    #16

    Sep 4, 2010, 10:49 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by asking View Post
    The girl has not missed any school yet. I think it's quite possible she is bluffing and will in fact go to school. A school counselor might help ease the transition to a new school. In any case, it's too soon for an extreme response. The parents are not currently in any danger of going to jail (since she hasn't missed school yet.)

    I believe in following through. I don't believe in threatening things that are not a good idea to follow through on.

    This underparented child does not respect her parents because they have not treated her or themselves with respect and set boundaries for themselves and for her. Nobody in this family has any boundaries.

    Being harsh with her isn't going to make things better. It'll just be a new way to violate boundaries and not communicate. Has anyone talked to her about why she doesn't want to go to this school and really listened? How about a little less drama and hysteria on all sides?



    I also wonder about the GATE school. The mom said the child had been far away from them. I wonder for how long?
    asking's Avatar
    asking Posts: 2,673, Reputation: 660
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    #17

    Sep 4, 2010, 11:01 AM

    What kind of parents teach their kids that wearing a seat belt is about obeying the law instead of about safety? What kind of parents call child welfare because their teenager misses one day of school and consider calling the police because of a family disagreement about what school to go to?

    The daughter's request for the father to quit his job and that the parents are even considering it hints at some very peculiar family dynamics. Why does she want to stay home all day with her dad? What's in it for her if her friends are the main issue? Something doesn't add up here.
    Kitkat22's Avatar
    Kitkat22 Posts: 6,302, Reputation: 1191
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    #18

    Sep 4, 2010, 11:07 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by asking View Post
    What kind of parents teach their kids that wearing a seat belt is about obeying the law instead of about safety? What kind of parents call child welfare because their teenager misses one day of school and consider calling the police because of a family disagreement about what school to go to?

    The daughter's request for the father to quit his job and that the parents are even considering it hints at some very peculiar family dynamics. Why does she want to stay home all day with her dad? What's in it for her if her friends are the main issue? Something doesn't add up here.
    You're right. I hope she comes back to address these responses. I know I talk about my children a lot, but they never had to be told to buckle up. We were consistent with our rules and the consequences of breaking them. I cannot imagine one parent wanting discipline and one parent pulling back from it.
    cdad's Avatar
    cdad Posts: 12,700, Reputation: 1438
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    #19

    Sep 4, 2010, 11:17 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Kitkat22 View Post
    I cannot imagine one parent wanting discipline and one parent pulling back from it.
    In most cases and situations where this is occurring its because of divorce and the single parent. For one thing there are boundries for disiplining anothers child within the relationship dynamic. Another is out of fear from a parent that thinks if they correct their child and don't give in they will disappear to the other parent. This situation is happening in many homes under these conditions. If rules between the parents aren't met before a situation presents itself then it can tear right through the heart of relationships.

    Eample. Lets say one parent believes in spanking. If the child comes from a divorced family and the child belongs to the partner. Do you really think they should be spanked by both the bio parent and the non bio parent?

    That is just one of many examples. Even in intact families as when I was growing up. I heard the phrase " wait till your father gets home" many times in my friends homes. So yes it happened in the past and it continues through today. That is why for parents bio and extended to agree on what types of disipline are acceptable and who is going to do what. If they can't agree on that then there really is no point in continuing the relationship further as they are headed for that train wreck. Its just a matter of time.
    Kitkat22's Avatar
    Kitkat22 Posts: 6,302, Reputation: 1191
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    #20

    Sep 4, 2010, 11:20 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by califdadof3 View Post
    In most cases and situations where this is occuring its because of divorce and the single parent. For one thing there are boundries for disiplining anothers child within the relationship dynamic. Another is out of fear from a parent that thinks if they correct thier child and dont give in they will disappear to the other parent. This situation is happening in many homes under these conditions. If rules between the parents arent met before a situation presents itself then it can tear right through the heart of relationships.

    Eample. Lets say one parent believes in spanking. If the child comes from a divorced family and the child belongs to the partner. Do you really think they should be spanked by both the bio parent and the non bio parent?

    That is just one of many examples. Even in intact families as when I was growing up. I heard the phrase " wait till your father gets home" many times in my friends homes. So yes it happened in the past and it continues through today. That is why for parents bio and extended to agree on what types of disipline are acceptable and who is going to do what. If they can't agree on that then there really is no point in continuing the relationship further as they are headed for that train wreck. Its just a matter of time.


    Very good response... very enlightning.:)

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