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My 11 yr old son lies cheats & steal.
I don't understand why though we provide him with best since childhood,
He can't control his facination for things.
A person does not do these things unless there is an underlying reason. Has there been recent family trauma, i.e. divorce, death, abuse (verbal, physical, sexual)? Does your child have special needs, i.e. learning disability, ADD, ADHD, etc.? How long has this been going on or has this just recently happened? Is there any family history of depression in your family or in your child's father's family? Is this happening at school or at home or both? Have you tried talking to him about this? If so, how did you go about it and what was his reaction(s)?
I know that these are a lot of questions to pose to you, but in order to give good advice, you need to provide as much information as you can, as there are a lot of reasons for why people do certain things.
Bottom line, your child needs to understand that this is wrong and that there are consequences for actions. There are a myriad of ways to go about doing this in order for your son to really learn his lesson about this. Somethings work for some people but not others.
I know that this post does not help you, but in order for us to help you, you need to provide more information about your specific situation. Don't worry, no one will judge you and you are totally anonymous. There is no way that anyone will figure out who you are, etc.
Belive it or not most criminals are the people who did not recive enough attention from there family, giving a child items he/she wants wont help, they need love and attention, if you are the type of family hwo are constantly out and about at work, or just busy then sometime the kid can be a little discouraged and do weird things.
if he lies, get used to it, lol in a perfect world our children wont lie.
He is 11, everbody lies about stuff, but it depends what he is lying about.
I would suggest talking to him, not telling him OH its bad, ask him WHY, find out WHY does he do this, why does he steal?
Also, a physcologist may be good.
there can also be a nubmer of thigns causing it
such as his friends, infleunces off the TV, things he reads, storys he hears from others.
So be careful who his outside sources are.
I woudlnt worry, because when were yougn we all did stupid things, but we learn right from wrong eventually.
If he is just stealing because he WANTS soemthing, other then needing it, just because he wans it and lieks it, you as the parent have to explain wanting and needing.
If he is spoiled that can be an issue too, for him wanting and wanting more, to the point where he gets it on his own and steals.
So explaining him the diffrence between WANTINg and NEEDING can help...
But like I said, he is a young boy, there confusing haha.
As a father of 4 children I will give you my two cents worth. First my children are 11, 5, 3 and 2. I have noticed that my kids tend to act up and cause mischief when my wife and I have problems. If we have issues between us where we are not talking to each other or if we are arguing our children start to act out. One of the side effects for our 11 year old is lying. I think that part of it comes from him wanting to escape the tension of the household so he makes up things to comfort himself. That can lead to lying to others as well. Just my thoughts
Guys are creatures of habit, too. If he has nothing else to focus on, these behaviors become his "fun" and he will develop the habit.
Find a BUNCH of things to get him involved in, things that have some inherent goodness teaching within them. Like...scouting, organized sports, karate/judo/tai kwan do, piano lessons/drums, hiking/mountain climbing.
And about that outdoors thing, you might be able to "invest" in some good behaviors. Buy an ATV, R/C plane or a scooter and name the scooter "Never Steals". As long as he "never steals", the scooter stays and you guys use it a LOT.
Scooter - "Never Steals"
R/C Plane - "Never Lies"
TV Set - "Did His Chores"
Allowance - "Helped His Family This Week" (not the same as chores)
Giving things NAMES like this makes the situation very clear to young boys.
I would be careful of continuing to buy things for your son for the mere fact of making up for something that might be lacking. However, to buy something for your son as a reward for good behavior is fine.
The one thing that you have to keep in mind when it comes to young boys (and this could apply to young girls as well) is that attention is attention. If they do good things, they will get attention. If they do bad things, they are still getting attention. Catch them doing good, no matter how small it is. When my kids talk to eachother in an appropriate manner, I tell them, "Wow, what a wonderful way to talk to eachother. I am so proud of you for speaking to your brother/sister in such a mature manner. Good job!!!" I then reward them in some way. Never recognizing the good behavior and always reprimanding the bad behavior is not the way to go with kids. Again, all kids seek attention and they don't care if it is good or bad attention.
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