[punum]

I can't remember how this all started, but I work with a guy who gave me a big hug over a month ago. When he did it I told him it was the best hug I ever got, which it was... strong, yet gentle. He said, "It's because I MEAN it." From that day on he started hugging me every day. The hugs got stronger and a little bit longer as time went on and I found myself really looking forward to them. He often approached me with a big smile on his face and outstreached arms. One morning a couple of weeks ago he gave me a hug where he pulled me very close and held me tightly and while he was hugging me he started rocking me a little bit. This hug lasted longer than usual. After the hug he ran his hand down my arm, while he kept looking right into my eyes. I said to him, "It's kind of early in the day, I think I'm going to need another one of these before I go home." He laughed. Anyway, later that afternoon my soon to be EX-husband came into work because I needed him to sign some paperwork for an accident that had happened to my car last summer. I know that HE saw my husband come into the place where we worked, but that he only stayed long enough to sign the paperwork.

HE was working later than I was that evening and as I was getting my jacket on I saw him walk past the breakroom. The next thing I knew he was wheeling a carriage of trash through the breakroom toward the dumpster. No one brings trash through the breakroom, they always go through the receiving area to get to the dumpster, so I figured he came in there to see me. He stopped next to me and asked me if I was going home. I said yes and he told me to have a great night. He turned to walk away and I say, "Hey." He turned back and I opened my arms. He came right over and gave me a hug, but it wasn't like it had been in the past.

I didn't see him again for several days and the next time I saw him he was in a really down mood. He came into work just before were were supposed to punch in and I was sitting at one table and another guy was sitting at another table. He said, "Hi Mike" and didn't say anything to me. He went to his locker and on his way back he touched my shoulder and said hi, but that was it. He just walked out of the room and down to his department. Later in the afternoon I went to see him and asked him if he was okay. He said that he was still having family problems and his life was about to change drastically. He said, "You know what I'm talking about. Within 3 months everything that's familiar will be gone." (When he said I knew what he was talking about, he was talking about my pending divorce). Then he asked me if my husband was still in the picture. I told him no and explained about the papers he had to sign. He also had had a long standing relationship that ended badly (7 years ago). Anyway, then I had to get back to work so I couldn't keep talking to him.

The next day he did not offer his usual hug and I found myself missing it. Then I noticed I was missing him. I've started feeling a real closeness to him. These are not the kind of hugs you'd normally give a co-worker, so I walked up to his desk. He was standing up, but he was on the phone. I took a piece of paper and wrote on it, "When you have a second, I need a hug" and I put it in his hand and walked away. About 20 minutes later I was in the breakroom talking to one of my friends and he came in. He walked right over to me and gave me a great hug. My friend was standing behind me and told me that he had a HUGE smile on his face while he was hugging me.

The following day he seemed moody again and I decided that I'm not going to approach him for anymore hugs. Yesterday he came to me for one. But this hasn't gone anywhere beyond hugging. A bunch of us from work went out together last night. We asked him to come along. He said he had to go home after work and probably wouldn't be there. So, I've just been feeling since then that maybe all he really wants are hugs. How on earth do you tell? I'm wondering if he's worried that I still have feelings for my husband, which I don't except maybe feelings of disgust. My relationship with my husband ended completely last July, but it hadn't been good for a long time before that. He called me last week to tell me he has a girlfriend. I don't really care what he's doing. The only reason I haven't applied for a divorce already is purely financial. I called one legal aid bureau last week, but never heard back from them. I got another referral today so I'll call them tomorrow.

I guess I don't have much choice but to sit back and let this play out the way it will, but if someone has some advice or encouragement for me I'd love to hear it. Right now I think we've just got some powerful chemistry going on here, but I'd like to get to know him beyond hugging and see if this could develop into something even better. What do you think? Got any suggestions?

[swirlgirl]

I can't remember how this all started, but I work with a guy who gave me a big hug over a month ago. When he did it I told him it was the best hug I ever got, which it was... strong, yet gentle. He said, "It's because I MEAN it." From that day on he started hugging me every day. The hugs got stronger and a little bit longer as time went on and I found myself really looking forward to them. He often approached me with a big smile on his face and outstreached arms. One morning a couple of weeks ago he gave me a hug where he pulled me very close and held me tightly and while he was hugging me he started rocking me a little bit. This hug lasted longer than usual. After the hug he ran his hand down my arm, while he kept looking right into my eyes. I said to him, "It's kind of early in the day, I think I'm going to need another one of these before I go home." He laughed. Anyway, later that afternoon my soon to be EX-husband came into work because I needed him to sign some paperwork for an accident that had happened to my car last summer. I know that HE saw my husband come into the place where we worked, but that he only stayed long enough to sign the paperwork.

HE was working later than I was that evening and as I was getting my jacket on I saw him walk past the breakroom. The next thing I knew he was wheeling a carriage of trash through the breakroom toward the dumpster. No one brings trash through the breakroom, they always go through the receiving area to get to the dumpster, so I figured he came in there to see me. He stopped next to me and asked me if I was going home. I said yes and he told me to have a great night. He turned to walk away and I say, "Hey." He turned back and I opened my arms. He came right over and gave me a hug, but it wasn't like it had been in the past.

I didn't see him again for several days and the next time I saw him he was in a really down mood. He came into work just before were were supposed to punch in and I was sitting at one table and another guy was sitting at another table. He said, "Hi Mike" and didn't say anything to me. He went to his locker and on his way back he touched my shoulder and said hi, but that was it. He just walked out of the room and down to his department. Later in the afternoon I went to see him and asked him if he was okay. He said that he was still having family problems and his life was about to change drastically. He said, "You know what I'm talking about. Within 3 months everything that's familiar will be gone." (When he said I knew what he was talking about, he was talking about my pending divorce). Then he asked me if my husband was still in the picture. I told him no and explained about the papers he had to sign. He also had had a long standing relationship that ended badly (7 years ago). Anyway, then I had to get back to work so I couldn't keep talking to him.

The next day he did not offer his usual hug and I found myself missing it. Then I noticed I was missing him. I've started feeling a real closeness to him. These are not the kind of hugs you'd normally give a co-worker, so I walked up to his desk. He was standing up, but he was on the phone. I took a piece of paper and wrote on it, "When you have a second, I need a hug" and I put it in his hand and walked away. About 20 minutes later I was in the breakroom talking to one of my friends and he came in. He walked right over to me and gave me a great hug. My friend was standing behind me and told me that he had a HUGE smile on his face while he was hugging me.

The following day he seemed moody again and I decided that I'm not going to approach him for anymore hugs. Yesterday he came to me for one. But this hasn't gone anywhere beyond hugging. A bunch of us from work went out together last night. We asked him to come along. He said he had to go home after work and probably wouldn't be there. So, I've just been feeling since then that maybe all he really wants are hugs. How on earth do you tell? I'm wondering if he's worried that I still have feelings for my husband, which I don't except maybe feelings of disgust. My relationship with my husband ended completely last July, but it hadn't been good for a long time before that. He called me last week to tell me he has a girlfriend. I don't really care what he's doing. The only reason I haven't applied for a divorce already is purely financial. I called one legal aid bureau last week, but never heard back from them. I got another referral today so I'll call them tomorrow.

I guess I don't have much choice but to sit back and let this play out the way it will, but if someone has some advice or encouragement for me I'd love to hear it. Right now I think we've just got some powerful chemistry going on here, but I'd like to get to know him beyond hugging and see if this could develop into something even better. What do you think? Got any suggestions?

I would say do not rush anything... let him approach you... he knows your now "available", or perhaps he is waiting for your divorce to be final. He may be afraid that you will reconcile with your husband. He is guarding his heart. Once your divorce is final, I would tell him and then let him make the first move or hug...

As a female, I have found it is BEST for me to let the man make the move. I have embarrassed myself mis interpreting a man's motive at times by "taking the next step" and it was a step that I later regretted.

Best to you! I am a huggy person too... be happy and savor every hug... I envy you!

I would like to know how it all plays out! Please let me know!

[statictable]

I'm not sure why your not divorced and suggest that it be your top priority with or without financial issues. In the mean time hug, be friends and don't be surprised by his moods.

[punum]

I thought she had some good advice and she sounded like she really cared about my issue.

[statictable]

What do you think? Got any suggestions?[/QUOTE]

You should be able to see the drama as clearly as you posted it.
1. A man you know at work cares for you.
2. This man on several occasions has demonstrated he likes you very much.
3. You have feelings for this man and your both over 40.
4. You are married.
5. You wish you were not married.
6. Do to "Financial" reasons you are not interested in divorce.
7. You worry about your friend miss-reading your feelings about your husband.
8. You know that your friend has shown different moods and you can't tell what he wants.
9. You want to know what other people think and if they have any suggestions.

This is what I think and I'll make it as clear as day for you:

1. Don't expect to see any changes in your friends MOODS as long as you are still married. (I hope you understand this is not a "blanket statement", it's as real as it gets.)
2. If you chose not to get a divorce due to FINANCIAL issues then DON'T expect your friend at work to feel completely comfortable, i.e. as seen in his "MOODS."
3. Given items #1 and 2 you'll have to "just be friends" and enjoy a hug from time to time. That's it in a nutshell, simple, basic reality and not a judgment in any sense of the word.
4. I think you are looking for suggestions you can deal with.
5. I think you are looking for a magical cure.
6. I think you will not be comfortable with any suggestions directed at the heart of your situation.
7. You should sit down with an attorney and go over the "finacial issues" and figure out a way to get a legal divorce. This will be very good for you and will solve so many problems.
Best wishes.