Check out some similar questions!

wheat1955 · Jun 26, 2009, 10:54 AM

I am a 2 time divorcée. I have been on both sides of "innocent" groups of people going out for drinks. I am not comfortable with my new wife joining in these groups with unaccompanied men. She says I am holding on too tight. I told her I would not approve of this before we got married and now she insists on the freedom to join her friends for an innocent drink after work. Am I wrong in objecting? She started an affair many years ago the same way

ZoeMarie · Jun 26, 2009, 10:56 AM

Is there a reason you can't go with? Win/win

kctiger · Jun 26, 2009, 10:58 AM

If you can't trust her, then why did you marry her?

You can't hold the past against someone.

wheat1955 · Jun 26, 2009, 11:01 AM

Originally Posted by ZoeMarie

is there a reason you can't go with? win/win

I have different hours a lot, it's mostly impromptu...

ZoeMarie · Jun 26, 2009, 11:02 AM

I see. You know what though? I think I would let her go. She's telling you about them, it isn't like she's hiding anything. See how it goes.

wheat1955 · Jun 26, 2009, 11:03 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

If you can't trust her, then why did you marry her?

You can't hold the past against someone.

I do... I just think if she wants to socialize in mixed company it should be with me

kctiger · Jun 26, 2009, 11:04 AM

Originally Posted by wheat1955

I do... I just think if she wants to socialize in mixed company it should be with me

I think that is extreme in nature and frankly I cannot imagine anyone on this board who would agree with that logic. Why should YOUR wife have to get consent or have you around in a co-ed situation? Your insecurities shouldn't be pushed on her.

wheat1955 · Jun 26, 2009, 11:10 AM

Originally Posted by ZoeMarie

I see. You know what though? I think I would let her go. She's telling you about them, it isn't like she's hiding anything. See how it goes.

If it goes badly there goes number 3. There is no room in my heart for forgivness of infidelity any more.

ZoeMarie · Jun 26, 2009, 11:12 AM

I don't see why you're so certain that she would be unfaithful. You have to give her the opportunity to prove that you can trust her somehow. Otherwise you'll never know.

ENRIQUE123 · Jun 26, 2009, 09:15 PM

All I can say is if she done it before she'll do it again. That's like you sending your wife on a blind date.I had to drop a relationship for the same reason and when I did she started talking to one of the guys she had met at one of those so called get togethers

mudweiser · Jun 26, 2009, 09:21 PM

Tsk. Tsk.

You shouldn't have married without facing your demons sir. Now that you are married you'll be fighting with these unresolved issues with yourself and involving what would've been a "good marriage".

My suggestion to you is to seek counseling by yourself.

Let your wife go out with her friends, until she proves you wrong you really have nothing against her.

Learn to trust.

Sarah

Romefalls19 · Jun 27, 2009, 07:28 AM

Okay, I am going to play both sides here because I can see where he is coming from.

On his side, it does seem like she has done this before, and done it to him before. Which will cause a huge problem on his side of her going out to drinks with members of the opposite sex.

On the other side, if you have forgiven her from the last infidelity then you must wipe the slate clean and not hold her past against her. My main questions are

How often does she go out after work for drinks? Does she invite you to come along(even if you're unable to)? Have you ever met the people she drinks with?

talaniman · Jun 27, 2009, 09:41 AM

Either lighten up, and unpack your baggage from the past, or run her out of this relationship, with your fear, and insecurity.

ZoeMarie · Jun 27, 2009, 10:02 AM

From the OPs posts I don't see anywhere that his current wife had been unfaithful. Correct me if I missed something but he mentioned being divorced twice and when he mentioned "there goes number 3" I think he was referring to the wife, not the fact that she's cheated twice.

redhed35 · Jun 27, 2009, 10:27 AM

You married this lady because you loved her,and she loved you,I see no harm in saying your not comfortable with her going out without you,and letting her know your afraid of cheating,not that you think she will cheat.just that it has happened before and your just scared..
Communication is the key here..
Let her know what's going on in your head,and talk about it.
This may seem like nothing to her,unless you tell her your fears.
I know its hard to let go of old hurts,but bringing them into your new life will only cause mistrust..
Again I say,talk to your wife.