Okay everyone, this is going to be a really long post, so get ready. When I was 12 yr.'s old my mother passed away from a brain aneurism. I did not grieve at all afterwards, I guess mainly because I wanted to shut it out of mind at the time (which I now know is normal, especially at the age).

I need to give you a little history of my childhood before I continue, so bare with me. When I was 2 my mother was holding me in her lap and suddenly had a terrible headache and called my grandparents (her parents) to tell them something was not right, so they in turn called 911 (or equivilancy at the time) and when the parametics arrived, she was in a coma state and I was laying next to her on the bed crying and upset. She had apparently suffered from a brain aneurism in her brainstem, and was in a coma for 6months following this episode. She and my dad were both only 23 at the time. When she came out of the coma she was paralyzed from the neck down with a slight ability to use her right arm. Her tongue was paralyzed as well. Growing up this was very hard for me to understand. My dad raised me and my grandpa (her father) took care of her. I saw her almost every weekend, and holidays. I used to be somewhat envious of my friends that had what I thought of as ďnormal mommyísĒ as I felt like she was not really a mother to me at the time, because she could not take care of me due to her physical inability to. I now have some guilt because of this, I just wish I would have asked her all of things that I now wonder about her, and now especially raising my son, I regret not being closer to her. My Dad later divorced her and got re-married.

So, going back to when I was 12, she had another brain aneurism and passed away. When I first found out, I was a wreck. My grandma had called me over the ph. To tell me what happened (which I now feel she should not have done over the phone. For a long time, like I said I didnít grieve. I was in denial. I just wanted to not think about it and I would get angry when people kept trying to ask me how I felt. When I was about 16 it finally hit me, and it hit me hard. I went through a really tough time at this age, and my step-mom and I didnít get along at all. I think that she was somewhat jealous of me and my fathers relationship. Now we get along pretty good.

I guess now I can get to my question. I am now 27 years old, married with a son and I swear that sometimes I can feel her in the room with me. When my son was an infant, I would be rocking him in his room and I would feel like someone was behind me, and my son would be looking behind me at something. I guess what I am wondering is, do any of you believe that having my son made my momís spirit come around? I don't know, I somewhat believe in this sort of thing, but I have never a presence before until I had a son. Do you think that it is her there with us or just my imagination or wishful thinking. I am especially lately having a hard time with my mothers death because now I have a son and I canít imagine how she must have felt watching her daughter growing up under someone else's care. Plus, there is so many things I want to ask her and canít like, how old was I when I first did this or that, or just things I will never be able to tell her. (my Dad doesnít remember things from that long ago, or he has blocked them out of his mind.) What does everyone think?