[queen73]

What if your spouse has been a victim of sexual harassment and retaliation for not complying with advances from a co-worker? What rights to I, as the other spouse have? Although the advances were made to my husband, and he did not physically respond to the flirtations, he verbally did, and thus since their falling out, the other women has spread rumors of an affair around the office. This has created much turmoil in our marriage, and somehow I feel this co-worker is responsible for the turmoil. I have approached the boss, and rather than deal with this tease, he told me to get a marriage counselor. Somehow I feel the boss is responsible for the atmosphere of the office, and if this co-worker is a tease and demands attention, the boss should put a stop to it. Isn't the boss responsible for the inappropriate actions of someone flaunting and teasing in the workplace? The men in the office just put up with this woman. Now maybe they put up with it because to some extent they like it, but maybe they just don't want to be the one to speak up and say it is wrong. Please respond to my rights as the spouse of a victim who does not want to pursue, but I do, as it has affected my marriage.

Thank you

[valinors_sorrow]

I don't think the spouse of any employee can extend a relationship into a workplace and expect to have enough clout there to make a difference. If that were possible, lots of spouses would have been influencing lots of workplaces, probably both good and bad but I envision more bad actually.

This question is a matter of boundaries. It is your husband's workplace and not yours -- so you need to stay out of that. If he brings this crap home to your marriage, this is a problem for both of you and not anyone else's -- so the boss or anyone else from work needs to stay out of that. You need to better idetify where the real problem is and apply the appropriate solution. If its his work -- then its acceptance, and if its home -- then its courage to change. Here is the Serenity Prayer to help:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.

It has worked for me in many many confusing circumstances and I hope it works for you too. And if it makes any difference to you, probably because we are fairly comfortable flirting and that may be slightly unusual, both my husband and I have been rumored to be having an affair with someone at various times, none of which is true but.. people love to gossip and conjecture! Some things are, like Judge Judy reportedly said, meant to be "flicked off"!

[phillysteakandcheese]

I agree with Val in that this is something your husband has to deal with.

Having said that - If he brings it home and it is causing turmoil in your marriage as you say, it actually is a good idea for both of you to see a marriage counsellor.

I understand you feel violated as well, and want the company to do something, however it's up to your husband to decide if he wants to pursue harassment charges against this woman. There may be nothing more than his word against hers, and he may be under intense pressure to "not make waves" at the company.

Rather than be angry about this woman's actions, I would celebrate your husband for being true to you. I think that's a sign of love and commitment.
:)

[LUNAGODDESS]

First,. hold your heart and stomach this is going to hurt: your husband should not have expressed an affectionate word to any other woman... How do you know your husband had not harassed this woman in or at work?. could it be she was the actual victim... she is not the blame for your husband's actions... too many men in the office have an opinion about this woman... and this leaves me to question who is the problem here?. her mistake was dating a co-worker... problems well develp from such activity... that is why no one should date a co-workers... complaints of (sexual harassment) will develop... your husband started this... apologized to the woman for giving her the impression that he wanted something from her other than a friendly work environment... your husband put his foot in his mouth... it should stink... the woman is not the problem... as for the employer.. diversity meeting are necessary... suggest one to your husband... then he can suggest one to his boss... words hurt... I know... but let's: not create a war... become a diplomat... ;)

[s_cianci]

Yes, the boss is responsible for the office atmosphere. Unfortunately, you are a spouse, not the employee and not the victim. There is little you can do. Any action to be taken against the perpetrator and/or the boss has to be initiated by your husband.

[Souxie880]

Men should never say anything they wouldn't say in front of their wives. Speak to all women like you would your sister or mother. Wait until you know somebody before you flirt. Be sure the flirtation is welcome.

My friends husband, a trusted family friend has been hitting on me. I know how much these attentions can be unappreciated.