[Destro3000]

Hey. So I've already been here talking about my breakup and how it ended up (Gf of 5 years moved on about a month after we broke up... tried to get her back and it failed). Anyway, what's going on now is a bit... weird. I can't quite understand it, maybe anyone here has some ideas.

So we broke up about 7 months ago. We had dated for 5 years, we both made mistakes (the same ones in fact, on an equal level) and in a stupid move I broke up with her. For the next few months, we still talked (we had been best friends for about 10 years) a lot, saw each other a bit, but with school and the weirdness of being broken up, not nearly as much as we should. She asked me to take her back, I didn't cause I was stupid and had some stuff to fix in my life. Eventually (december) I asked her to work things out. She said no, as she was seeing someone else who was "fun".

As time went by, however, she started seeing me and our relationship in such a negative way that she started making stuff up about us. I wasn't the perfect boyfriend by any means, but it was never that bad. I know I pushed her away a bit by pleading (I know I know, bad move... I am ruled by my emotions).

In the 3-4 first few months that we were broken up though, she swore up and down that she would never give up on our friendship, that she would always be there for me, etc... She toyed with me, saying she wanted to see me one day and then cancelling.. until she said we shouldn't see each other... to cutting off all contact to this:

She's now really hostile towards me, calling my sadness at our breakup (I do still lover her... no matter what happened) pathetic, that she's glad I didn't take her back, that she doesn't want to see me for a very loooonnng time and pretty much spitting on the last 5 years of my life.

My question is this: what the hell? I guess she just doesn't want me around if I want to be with her... but I don't understand how she can just erase/replace me and the last 10 years of our lives and see it all as some bad part of her life.

Also, she's now trying to weasle in on all the activities and such I do with our mutual friends, knowing that I wouldn't be there if she was... I feel like she's trying to run me out of town.

I would understand this reaction if it came immediately after the breakup, but we were OK for like 4 months initially and now she won't even be my friend. Now I will admit that I couldn't hang out with her and her new boyfriend (who has admitted that he's just using her) however I am still willing to be her friend. I love her and would do anything to have her part of my life in any way, and I would never do anything to go against that even if I want her back.

So yeah, I just don't understand why all these negative feelings are coming out now.

[AustProd6]

Mate, le me tell you. She is making you pay and she hasn't forgiven you for the pain and anguish she felt by the break up. Add to the fact she has found a new person, she needs you even less. She proved to herself she can be wanted by somebody. Don't get me wrong, she probably still loves you, but buddy you need to be taught a lesson.
I know, I am doing the same to my ex. What does she have to lose. If you give up she will revert to newby.
Mate stick with NC and move on. When you stop chasing, she will stick her head out to see why. Just wait and see.

[losingit77]

She's just still hurting. Imagine the hell she went through those couple of months of wanting to get you back and it not happening, then when she finally starts to feel better and has moved on, you want back in. It would make anyone mad to go through that and then it all turn out to be nothing.

Don't worry. One day, I guarantee you she'll get over her anger and apologize for being a jerk the past couple of months. I'm not saying she's going to want to get back together, but after 5 years together, she's going to want to at least reconcile the friendship.

[talaniman]

Sounds like this whole thing is about mistakes, and really bad timing. Let it go, and move on as she is trying to do.

[losingit77]

Destro - I was thinking a lot about your post today, since I'm somewhat in a similar situation as your girlfriend was a couple of months (bf broke up with me to "get his life together"). And honestly, the more I thought today, the more I realized its so much easier to be angry and hate the other person (even when it was a "loving" breakup) than it is to be sad and depressed that you lost a great love. I haven't spoken to me ex in 11 days (he called 5 days ago but I ignored). The last thing contact I had with him was 11 days ago when he texted me and simply said "I love you". I was so sad afterwards.

But now, I'm just angry. And I realize anger is for some reason a lot easier to deal with. It's a lot easier to look at the other person and focus on all the negatives of the relationship and "make" yourself hate them than it is to sit around sad and think how you lost someone you loved you.

So, I know one day I'll have to get off the anger stage, but for right now it's a lot easier to function and get through the day focusing on anger and the negatives of our relationship than the sadness.

Don't take it personally what she's doing right now. She's just using it to cope. I know its been a long time since the official break-up but 4-5 years of a relationship takes a long time to get over.

Just stay focused on you and moving on!