[ECS]

This is going to be hard to keep short because this issue stems all the way from 1992 when my wife and I divorced. I was never able to establish a good father & daughter relationship because my ex-wife decided she never wanted me to see my daughter nor have a relationship with her. Through the years all the way up to this year of 2007 my ex-wife did a pretty good job of keeping me away from my daughter. I was never asked or invited to her 8th Grade Graduation and for her HS Graduation wasn't asked again to attend. I'd went to court many, many times for visitation rights and in turn would start to establish a relationship with the agreement that I'd get to have my daughter every other week. Of course, this tapered off and my ex-wife decided to move many times without leaving any forwarding addresses, phone numbers or any kind of way of me getting back in touch with her. I became homeless in 1992 because I was laid off my job, I lost the Mobile Home that we lived in, in which she wanted the money from, and ended in a divorce in 1992. From the time of my divorce my ex-wife felt it unnecessary to ever establish a job but to get pregnant my two other men and have two other children, stay on welfare and take me to court for more money every year from 1992 to 2006. She had brainwashed my daughter into thinking I was nothing but a deadbeat father, but never told her that I did pay her Child Support in Money Orders when I wasn't working a steady job, having my wages garnished when I did work a job with a W-2 and paid for my daughters shoes, Health Insurance, clothes or books and other things that she needed. This year my daughter turned 18yrs old and at the very last minute asked me if I can give her $400 dollars in an e-mail message. In the e-mail message I stated in a very nice manner that I wasn't able to provide her with that much money in such a short period especially when I just got done paying for her graduation pictures, Yearbook, Cap & Gown. Since, 1994 I have suffered from a back injury [2 herniated disc and 1 bulging disc] that I got nothing for, lost use of my left leg in 1997 and got it back to working in 6 months, was in and out of jobs because of me not being able to work at all due to this issue. In 1999 I had a lost use of both legs and was forced to have a back operation which forced me out of doing any kind of physical Labor job at all. I only knew physical labor and didn't know how to be a desk jockey. My ex-wife took me to court stating to the judge that I never paid her any money at all. I forgot to mention that I lived with my brother in 1997 in which the apartment he was living in with his girlfriend burned down to the ground and I lost everything, including my money orders that I had paid my ex-wife. This left me with no proof of paying child support to her along with no money order numbers to trace. I was again homeless living in a car for three weeks until I can get back on my feet again and establish a roof over my head. The courts stated that because I didn't have proof that I had paid her, in which she lied to the courts. Afterwards I was told I had to pay $15,000 in back child support. Public Aid turned my case over to the IRS and in turn they have put a Levy/Lien on everything I have. I have nothing anymore and am fighting just to keep the apartment over my head. I did have a bank account with $20 in it but the IRS felt it was necessary to freeze the account. I went back to school to get a different career. I chose Information Technology - Computers. In 2001, dot com when to dot bomb. I couldn't find a job in the IT field that would pay for my tuition and when I filed for a hardship deferment plan they told me I wasn't qualified. I was making $8 per hr. The reason for this story that I tell you is because my daughter asked for this money a week before her graduation and expected me to come up with it or else, as she stated. I tried to explain to her how hard it has been financially with me and she knows this since 1994 because of my back. Oh, by the way, I had to have me second back operation this last April of 207 in which after the doctors opened me up they found out that my back was broken. I had a fractured vertebra and a broken lamina along with my two herniated disc again and two more bulging disc. No one knows how it happened or why it happened after going through physical therapy since Oct 2006 all the way to Sept. 2007. My daughter wrote in an e-mail to me that I was no good, that I was never her father and that I was an . She forgot about the times I took her to Great America, went on fishing trips, bought her shoes when her mother would purposely put shoes that were two times smaller on her feet and would buy Christmas gifts that would sit in my closet for one to two years until I seen her again. There were many other times I told her and hugged her stating how much I loved her when I did see her and asked her many times to talk to me when I new something was bothering her. I built a PC for her for a Christmas present and in turn her mother damaged it and stated that it was a piece of junk. Later, my daughter asked if I wanted it back and I asked her where it was. She told me that she put in under the Mobile Home that they lived in and her Grandfather bought her a better one. I took the computer and went to back up any documents that were on the hard drive and found an essay that she wrote in 2003 stating how much she hated me as her father and loved her mothers first boyfriend and how she missed him because he was shot by an FBI Agent and that she wished it was me instead of him who died. I feel that I had failed as a father sometimes but then I turn it over to God and ask him to give me faith and hope that someday I will get that girl that I thought was mine back. I drank a lot and did a lot of drugs because of the loss of this. I don't drink anymore and I have turned my life over to God which I call my higher power. I wanted to establish a business so I can get the money to pay for my daughter's college but the government has kept me from doing this. I need to pay off my tuition for going back to school but found myself $60,000 in debt along with back child support that I can't seem to pay off. My alternative loans that I had to have which came out to be $11,000 is now $43,000 because they're hitting me with 18.75% interest along with late charges and collection fees. I'm down to $11,000 for back child support but they're saying this isn't including interest. I feel the walls closing in on my and I'm having a hard time seeing any light at the end of the tunnel. I wish I can just pick up and run as far away as I can without anyone knowing where I'm at anymore. Daughter never established any family ties with my family but has always been with my Ex-Wives. In her eyes her mother isn't at fault and I'm the deadbeat father that never paid for anything.

[excon]

Hello E:

I can't read that stuff. You should learn to use paragraphs.

excon

[cjonline]

Wow. I'm sorry that you went though all that. I didn't really see a question other than your topic but maybe you just wanted to be heard; sometimes it good to just get it off your chest.

I don't really think that you want to hear this but you can't control anyone but yourself. You can't make your daughter think or feel any differently than she does. You can't make you ex be understanding or work with you, but what's done is done. Maybe with time your daughter will want to talk about why you weren't there or wouldn't help and you can tell her your side.

Just hang in there till then... and do use the space bar when typing that long of a post. Its easier for people to read.