I feel like My best friend isn't my best friend

Talking43 · #1 Oct 29, 2009, 08:26 AM

I have this best friend, we like to talk and just be ourselves, but the problem is I can't be myself around her. She makes fun of everything I do, everything I say and it's hurtful. For instance she commented on how ugly my hairstyle looked and how I should just cover my head with a bag. I laughed and joked but I was hurting inside. So it's like I have to be a completely different person around her just to fit in. It's so complicated since....she's the only friend I have. What do you think? Should I end it and be alone?

JudyKayTee · Oct 29, 2009, 08:30 AM

Do you have any idea why you have no other friends?

This person certainly doesn't sound like a friend, let alone a best friend. Is she like this with other people?

Maybe she is just immature or insecure and this is how she compensates.

Have you told her that she's hurting your feelings?

Talking43 · Oct 30, 2009, 05:26 AM

Well, I had other friends but we just drifted away from each other. This best friend of mine actually stuck to me. But i think it's just because i can entertain her. Like her personal slave or something. She treats some people like the way i am (mostly girls) she is self centered though, only talks about her latest crush etc. I have once said she was hurting my feelings...but it's like she forgot that conversation. I believe she is insecure becuase of her looks. Long before i came, she was ridiculed becuase she has pimples all over her face. Perhaps that why she is taking it out on me...what do you think
Thanks for the reply
Talking43

JudyKayTee · Oct 30, 2009, 06:13 AM

Hard to say - it's been my experience that people who make fun of other people are insecure themselves (does that sentence make sense?) and they sort of get you before other people can get them.

By dragging you down - or attempting to drag you down - she's boostering herself.

Do you know what I mean?

And I know that as you grow up, get older, friends change, move on, life changes make a difference in a relationship. If you have a problem or a concern, can you count on this person to have your back?

summer7 · Nov 2, 2009, 06:57 PM

Hi,
What a drag that this is your only friend. She sounds horrible. My advice is that it is better to be alone than with people like her. She will drain all your energy and zap your confidence. Get rid of her!

I provided some vids and articles to help you identify what toxic people are like. Enjoy the articles on how to make friends and how to be more confident. I hope this starts you on your way to becoming a more confident and outgoing person. There are lots of books on how to make friends. Good luck to you!

Click Here: YouTube - Toxic Friendships

Click Here: YouTube - Friendship Skills : How to End a Toxic Friendship

Click Here: Handling Friendship Problems - how to articles from wikiHow

Click Here: How to Make Friends - wikiHow

Click Here: How to Become More Confident - 10 Ways to Build Your Confidence

Click Here: How to Be Confident - wikiHow

Altenweg · Nov 2, 2009, 07:26 PM

I had a "friend" like that in grade school. It got to the point that I'd make myself sick in the morning so I wouldn't have to go to school to face her, and she was my friend!

It took a while for me to understand that with friends like her I don't need enemies, so I told her how she made me feel and I told her that I wouldn't allow her to treat me like that anymore. If she continued I'd have to walk away.

I ended up walking away, and for years we were friendly but not friends.

One day, in high school, she came up to me and apologized for the way she'd treated me back then.

We never did regain our friendship, it was too late by then, but we were always friendly with each other.

Sometime you have to walk away. She doesn't sound like a real friend anyway, friends make you feel good, not bad.

EliseLynn · Nov 6, 2009, 11:05 AM

I am going to try to offer some different view that may help you figure this out, please do not see any of this as an attack, just devils advocate. We can't give true advice without knowing everything, but we can inspire different views.

A possibility...
Why do you not have other friends? Is it possible she is saying hurtful things in a joking manner because she doesn't feel comfortable addressing things directly? Could her teasing be a "hint" on how to improve? She may be a true friend who doesn't know how to express genuine advice.
The other thing is, is her opinion of how to improve credible? Are the things she's joking about worth listening to?

Another possibility...
I myself joke a lot with critical remarks. My entire family is very abrasive with their humor. I culturally come from a (Indian) reservation that is notorious for its "odd" and abrasive sense of humor. Over the years I have managed to tame it down, but in high school I have ruined relationships and friendships with my it. Is her sense of humor a true character flaw? Can you find a way to accept that in her without taking it personally? Is it worth looking over?

Another possibility...
Is she just a bully, and you the person who is there to take it? Does she choose to spend time with you because she likes the power she has over you? If you did act yourself would she still like you?

The bottom line in all friendships and with all people, is that we are all different. With my character I eventually came across other people with a similar sense of humor and have never been happier. Some people simply don't connect as easily, with no fault to anyone. There are people out there that you won't have to work as hard at to be friends with that will come to you one day. If your friend is not worth the pain she gives you, you are best to shake it. If you are are naturally sensitive, you can't afford the damage to your self-esteem that she gives.

Know that if it is advice, her character, or just a brat. There is nothing wrong with you. We are all here working on ourselves and finding ourselves.
Love!
Elise