I am 26 and Jewish. I was raised partially by my family but mostly in several foster homes, with each one being of a different religious persuasion. First I was in a home where I went to a Chabad school (orthodox jews). In this home, we prayed and studied the torah every day, kept glatt kosher, I had to wear a dress all the time, etc. Then I was switched to a home with more secular Jews who sent me to public school, we didn't keep kosher, and we only went to syngogue once or twice a year. Then I spent a year in a home where my foster parents were Baptists and sent me to the school run by their church, which was very strict, and kids got paddled. Then I was moved yet again and went to a private Roman Catholic dayschool. Then I went to another Bible Christian home, but much weirder than the Baptist one. There I was prayed over regulary and my foster parents told me I had demons. Finally I got sent to a boarding school (Catholic, run by nuns) for grades 8-12.

After I graduated from highschool, I moved out on my own and went to university, but religious-wise I've been very confused. For a while I went to mass and considered converting to Catholicism, mainly because I had such a good experience at my boarding school. Then I got involved with a fundamentalist Christian group and was baptised in the river and born again, etc... and that lasted for about a year. I spent another year trying to be an orthodox Jew but failed miserably. Then I tried being a more secular Jew, but that also has not worked out. I've dabbled a bit in wicca and buddhism, but nothing came of that, either. For the past 2 years or so now, I've been sort of an agnostic... not that I identify as such, but I don't attend religious services or pray or anything.

I'm just wondering how normal it is for someone to change their beliefs so often as I have? I am pretty stable in other areas of my life. Any comments would be appreciated!

KAOSKTRL

Some people might make you out to be a flake,Be lucky you didnt go in for one of the "faiths" that requires apostates to die.
Sounds to me as if you are looking to meet people and make friends.
Sometimes it takes time to understand you dont want or need a religion , you want a relationship with God.
That doesnt happen in a church . A church comes in handy when you want to serve God.

orange

Thanks for your reply. Yes I'm glad I didn't go for a more "dangerous" faith at some point... when I was younger I considered some more cult-like groups but luckily stayed away!

I really appreciate what you've said about meeting people and making friends. I've been moved around a lot and have no extended family, so I was suspecting that it was a matter of trying to "belong" somewhere... but I've never had anyone say it before so thanks!

jduke44

I agree with KAOSKTRL that you need a relationship with God. One thing that struck me is that you said "Then I got involved with a fundamentalist Christian group and was baptised in the river and born again, etc... and that lasted for about a year." What happened with that? I don't want to put you on the spot but I am curious as to what happened with it that it didn't work out? I understand if you don't want to answer this but it will better understand the situation. By the way, it is very normal to change your beliefs like you have. There are many different religions out there they may have empty promises and even emptyness in general that one can easily become confused. One thing I would like to add though, if you were truly born again, you are always born again. This is what having a relationship with God means.

orange

Thanks jduke for your reply. I'll try to be brief as to why I quit that church... it's a long story though! Basically the pastor was accused of some unsavoury activities - stealing money and hitting on some of the younger girls in the congregation. I'm not sure if the stealing money part is true, but he could be a bit inappropriate at times. Anyways, half of the congregation thought he was guilty and the other half thought he was innocent, so the church split. It wasn't a very big church to begin with, only about 100 congregants, so we were all pretty close-nit. After the split people on either side were very "un-Christian" to each other. I had been friends with people on both sides of the fight, and it was really painful for me. If I went to the services of one church, the people of the other church would find out within a couple of days and then not speak to me. One lady un-invited me to a birthday party she was having for her daughter who had been my friend. When there was a death in the congregation, people from "the other side" were called and told they were not welcome at the funeral. I finally decided to sever all ties because I couldn't stand all the fighting and hatred. The fight had really "burned" me too in the sense that I didn't want to go to another church, for fear that the same thing would happen again. I felt really disillusioned. Hope that answers your question.

And as far as needing a relationship with God right now, I'm not sure... but thanks for your thoughts.

jduke44

Orange, thanks for filling me in. I understand why you wuld be leary of joining another church at this time. I assure you not all Christian churches are like that. That might even turn me away in the beginning. Please, kep searching, don't give up. If you sincerely want to know God or even what to believe, ask Him. Seriously, He will find a way to have you know Him personnally. If you ever have any questions you can PM me. I try to be very simple and not look down on anyone.

Sage

I think Kaos said it best. A relationship with God is more important than a religion. Try sitting on your own, with no distractions and reading the gospel (good news) of John, or the letter of 1st John they are very relational texts and speak about the love of God and what His son Yehoshua has done for us.

talaniman

Orange it seems you have been on a very long journey and still looking for answers.I am sure God has blessed you and shown you many things you needed to see.It is obvious that He was with you during your journey.Look within to see the God that you will understand.Quiet meditation and prayer has helped me over the years to get closer to the God of my understanding and to see the world for what is ,its not perfect nor are the people in it but if you love Him in your heart he will always be with you as a guiding light.After all you've been thru and seen ,to be so grounded is truly a blessing from Him.I've seen more fortunate go off because they couldn't appreciate what God has given them.Follow your heart and be open to GOD's guidance and know your not alone on your journey.

orange

Sage and talaniman, thanks very much for the replies. I was sort of feeling like a freak for all the searching I've been doing, but you've made me feel that it's a little bit normal at least! I will try to remain open to the possibility of God existing. Like I said earlier, right now I'm not sure, but it can't hurt to think about it.

Trupolitik

Some say Orange, that the destination is not the goal, but rather the Journey.

My own opinion... It is impossible for the finite to completely understand the nature of the infinite. All we can do is approximate it and walk the path of uncovering it knowing we, nor any human, can fully reveal it...yet we must choose to keep walking.