The NC Calendar III

Curlyben · Aug 31, 2008, 10:29 AM

talaniman · Sep 5, 2008, 05:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by barney1010

Well, NC day one would begin tomorrow. I'm just a bit confused about the whole thing. Like NC to them yeah, but what do you do when they contact you? Just completely ignore it?

Yes you are busy, and unavailable until you have healed. She will get the message. The confusion always follows them talking to you and since they dumped you, how do they have the right to stop you from healing.

When they want space, they lose all considerations, and access to you. Thats only fair to you so stand up for yourself and don't let her have her cake and eat it too!

talaniman · Sep 5, 2008, 05:14 AM

Quote:

Does anyone have any advice about how not to pick up the phone and call or email him? I have a feeling I'm going to struggle with this...

Since the idea of healing is to get over them, why keep dredging up those old feelings, and false hopes only to be rejected again. Since you know full well how you feel, don't let them stop you from moving on, by answering their calls. They will get the message. The best way to be unavailable to them, is to be busy doing something else, be it chores, or something you enjoy. BLOCK HER number, and thats a call to the carrier for instructions. Do it for you, and heal your heart.

talaniman · Sep 5, 2008, 05:17 AM

Quote:

My ex came by today while I wasn't home and dropped off some money that she owed me.

Thats nice, but get your business with her done ASAP, and stop her from having access to you so easily. She is gone, so why should she still be able to come, and go, as she pleases??

bigbird213 · Sep 5, 2008, 09:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by e22

My ex and I broke up yesterday after 1 1/2 yrs. We've broken up before but we always end up getting back together the next day. I'm so tired of him breaking up with me, I've been on an emotional roller coaster and I know I just need to cut him off if I'm ever going to move on. I can't "be friends" with an ex, I'm interested in this NC rule. I talked to him today, and he was really mean to me which is helpful I guess....makes me not want to get back together with him. I'm having a really hard time not calling him though. Does anyone have any advice about how not to pick up the phone and call or email him? I have a feeling I'm going to struggle with this...

Keeping busy is a great way to keep your mind on other things. If you always have something to do and are always with someone, you eliminate a lot of the down, alone time where you think about them and want to call them. Its hard at first, but try to keep your social life packed with things to do. Even if your just going out to eat with a friend or watching tv with them. Its all better than being by yourself...

bigbird213 · Sep 5, 2008, 09:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cowboyjai

I'll just leave the documents here for her and hopefully that's the last I'll hear from her.

If it isn't - there isn't anything wrong with telling her (not asking her) to stop contacting you. She made her decision, now you make yours...

barney1010 · Sep 5, 2008, 10:11 AM

First day is today, but honestly, when I think about at least one of the things she said was true, I can't just not take blame for at least one thing and that was how I did actually smother her. Like getting annoyed at text delays, or call even if she said she couldn't talk after x amount of text delays. Or if she didn't reply after like 10-15 mins would call repeatedly back to back til she did. I think I went way over the top with that, ended up being more of a stalkerish move than anything else. I don't honestly know what's wrong with me, probably fear and this being my first time feeling such a strong connection to someone, but that's still no excuse to hound someone like that. She said it wasn't because of the calls, but I don't see how it couldn't have had at least some small bit to do with it.

bigbird213 · Sep 5, 2008, 10:18 AM

Theres no point in blaming yourself now and thinking about it. What happened has happened and you can't take it back. The best you can do is understand your faults in the relationship and work on improving those faults. You don't need to dread on the negative...

Jason8676 · Sep 5, 2008, 06:37 PM

Hey!
This is probably a stupid question but I'll go ahead and spit it out. Right now, I am on my 121st day of NC although my ex has contacted me three times within that time frame. One contact was via a meaningless text on June 4, the others were actually phone calls on August 24. The first time she called, it only rang for a few seconds. The second time, my phone rang long enough to go to my voice mail and left a silly message pertaining to the nickname she gave me when we were together. The number was not displayed both times. Although I have cut all ties with her and dropped out of sight I find myself obsessing about whether or not it is her whenever I see a car on the road that resembles the one she owns, or if I see somebody that resembles her in the passenger seat of a car nearby while driving. I even worry when I go out in public for fear that I might run into her. I honestly don't want to ever see her again. Am I going crazy or have any of you encountered the same situation? I've done an excellent job at maintaining NC and living my life without her but I still think about her everyday and I just wish I could have my brain erased of all memory of her. If medicine ever comes forth with a drug to erase memories of love lost, count me in! I'll be the first to buy it. Thanks!
Jason

bigbird213 · Sep 5, 2008, 06:56 PM

Jason,

I have been NC for a little more than 4 months, so nearly as long as you. The relationship lasted 4 years. I do the same things you do with the cars that resemble hers and still wonder if I might run into her when I go to places that I know she goes to often (or at least did). Don't worry too much about it, its normal.

One thing I will say, is that I have noticed many times that the fear of something happening (or you finding something out) is worse than actually doing it. I have spent a lot of time worrying about what happens if this or if that were to occur, then, in some cases, it has happened and though it sucks, its more a relief that I don't need to worry about it anymore.

Hope that helps...

hjpan · Sep 5, 2008, 08:17 PM

Sup ladies & gentlemen =]

Well, I talked to one of my "girl-friends" who likes me and I "felt like the world is on my shoulders." I was like "what the fuq?" It started as a mutual friendship but she told me she liked me more than friends... Tonight, she told me that she's committed to a guy and her intentions was not to lead me on to anything.

And yes, this is the girl I was talking about who said she was really into me...

Now, I'm fed up with relationships and girls.....
Back to booze & cigarettes for me... and work out



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