I just had this idea after reading Mik's post.

How about if we use this thread to count the NC days, all of us? Each one would mention how long he/she's been maintaining the NC period and how he/she feels with time.
Maybe in some way this can help us all (including me)?

This is my first NC day.. Afternoon here, so far didn't even touch my phone. I don't know how I feel, but I'm not that miserable, I have a goal and thinking about it, NOT HER!

What about the rest of you?

Romefalls19

Yea I am, and she will get the point eventually because I am leaving the only job I see her at because my career job is getting bigger and won't have time for it. Then I'll just change my number and be all set.

Where abouts in jersey?

jiltedgirl

Bergen County. You?

So the oddest thing happened to me last night. I talked to two of my friends (one is a mutual friend btw myself and ex) and I had an epiphany. I was talking to her about the entire breakup and since then, and she told me "Oh yea! I totally forgot. You were the one who broke up with him. Twice...I mean I don't know what to say." And I had to stop myself. I realized that his lack of contact, etc wasn't him rejecting me. It was me who rejected him, whatever my reasons were (my own insecurities--i was scared he wouldn't stay interested), not that they matter much anymore.

I'm not sure why but this helped me get over the ex alot, in a span of an hour or two, more than NC, months of self-pitying, or anything period.

Even though my feelings of love for him were constant, I reacted in a volatile manner to them. The worst manifestations were when I'd get angry, resentful, suspicious, and demanding. No wonder he called me "crazy" and "indecisive." My own insecurities played mind games on me. I became adamant that we wouldn't last, even though I wanted it to, and that breaking up was the only way that I wouldn't get hurt in the longrun.

In any case, I realize these are the consequences of my actions. (We are over.) I talked to him online today, and I didn't feel angry, resentul, or like my heart was ripping in two. Instead I just felt sad for him and for myself--him, because of his inability to communicate his emotions, and me, because of my inability to lose control for a person completely.

I'm not even sad. I think the breakup portion that hurt me the most was the feeling of rejection. But we both rejected each other because of the type of people we are. I guess we were incompatible in this regard.

Maybe these are "mind games," but this is very different from the other times. Maybe it's acceptance. I'm not sure what.

All I know is that he's moved on and I feel like I've finally started, too.

Romefalls19

I live in Burlington Country..Right outside of Trenton...

Yea, I know what you mean, I have finally realize my ex is moving on, and while I don't want a relationship, I know I need to just find someone to pass the time with. I know that's kind of frowned upon in this forum but still it will take my mind off things...At least for awhile

jiltedgirl

I know that you guys probably look down on my actions of violating NC. In any case, I felt bad being a total ***** to him so I asked my ex if he'd like to meet up again and that'd I'd buy him ice cream as a gesture of apology. He agreed (he likes sweets like me). Since he always visited me, I agreed to visiting him.

Only I find myself not wanting to make the effort (several hours into cold New England blech) to see him, like I normally would. In other words, I feel like it isn't worth it. I don't want to see him that badly. So I was about to cancel on him by asking him to visit me (he's a bit lazy). In any case, he said that he'd visit me, which is fine, too.

It's so strange. I almost feel guilty that my feelings for him have faded away. It's not that I don't want to see him. I do miss his company. He's a really funny, nice guy. I just don't feel anything for him anymore.

Is this a sign I have gotten over him?? Is this normal? Or is a mindgame again?

I mean...I can't believe it!!

Anyway, I just wanted to thank everyone for listening to me. I wish everyone the best!!!

confused25

jiltedgirl: I'm a little confused at your situation. You say that you were the one who broke up with him twice, but yet you felt rejected. Unfortunately I don't really understand that.

Aside from that it's hard to say whether or not you have gotten over him. In reality only you can know that for sure. However, I suggest you give yourself a week and see how you feel then. If you no longer think about him then you have indeed gotten over him.

One last thing, it sounds like the "epiphany" you had has helped you mature. You are starting to see that it was a lot of your insecurities that helped lead to the end of the relationship. By all means it wasn't entirely your fault, but by working on these insecurities this acknowledgment will help you in future relationships.

jiltedgirl

I thought he didn't like me enough, which was why I broke up with him. I thought he didn't want the relationship as much as I did. It's only now that I realize I was wrong. Once again, it was my own insecurities playing around with me.

Romefalls19

It's ok..I got a funny little story for everyone, my ex and this guy she works with are starting to talk. Her friend(no longer friends) liked him since early november, so when her friend Sam confronted her about it a huge blow out occurred in which my ex said she liked him before her. Naturally her ex friend felt compelled to tell me(not that I can believe her friend but I didn't care anyways), and after my ex found out her "friend" told me. The past 4 days she has been texting me telling me that's not what she said at all, and she wishes I would believe her for once and that she has never lied to me an blah blah blah. My response was simple and short saying "none of it matters now, we aren't together" and she said "But it's not like I liked him while we dated, he's just been there for me since we broke up" I know this guy is a rebound and it's not going to last, but I still just told her "goodbye" and she still texted me even after we met at work last night to exchange some things I found while cleaning out the basement. Nothing was said while we were exchanging, except hello and small talk...Then I walk back inside work and again a text saying "I wish you would believe me, I only had feelings for you. I just couldn't take the jealousy and controlling anymore" So I said "Since I am trying to change and be more trusting and everything..I will believe you. Thank you for the truth. Goodbye"

Was I wrong for saying that?

George_1950

Romefalls19 writes: "Then I walk back inside work and again a text saying "I wish you would believe me, I only had feelings for you. I just couldn't take the jealousy and controlling anymore" So I said "Since I am trying to change and be more trusting and everything..I will believe you. Thank you for the truth. Goodbye"

"Was I wrong for saying that?"
If I could edit out anything, it would be 'will' in 'I will believe you' to 'I believe you'. Perfecto!

Romefalls19

Yea, I mean she never lied to me during our relationship, that I know of anyways. So her friend could just be telling that stuff to me because she's angry. So I will just believe what she has told me, and while part of me does want her back, that responsed seemed like the right thing to do.

ISneezeFunny

as much as it seemed like bullhonky, you manned up to it and you played it fine. Right now, you have the upper hand. Feels good, don't it?