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How about if we use this thread to count the NC days, all of us? Each one would mention how long he/she's been maintaining the NC period and how he/she feels with time.
Maybe in some way this can help us all (including me)?
This is my first NC day.. Afternoon here, so far didn't even touch my phone. I don't know how I feel, but I'm not that miserable, I have a goal and thinking about it, NOT HER!
MLB33: it's because you are hurting and need to get better. You've gone too far and gotten out of balance. That's just my opinion, though. If you are wanting to get walked all over and ground to bits, then NC ain't for you; you may need to start calling her up and texting and begging and just leave your personal worth and dignity in the closet. It sort of gets to whether or not you've hit bottom. Just my opinion.
And a good opinion at that. I know, I've tried the calling and texting, etc. Try it if you want MLB33, and I might be wrong but I'm pretty sure all that's going to happen is that you are going to feel good because you have contact with her, but then you'll feel like $#!t because you'll realize that having contact with her doesn't equal getting back together, even though that's what you want to happen. And then, you'll start wondering when she's going to return your calls/texts if she doesn't answer right away, and then you'll start to get paranoid that she's out with some other guy and doesn't need you (which could be true). You WILL be back to square one then.
I've been down that road dude, just 2 months ago. I know it feels like if you don't do anything then you'll be letting her slip away, or she'll start to think that you don't care or whatever, but dude she broke up with you, right? She was already slipping away anyway. She's the one who doesn't really care. That's the biggest thing about all of this that us dumpees take forever to realize - the person that dumped you created the situation, and there isn't anyone who can fix the situation except them. You cannot control it, no matter what you do, because you can't make them change their minds about the decision they made. You can't MAKE them come back to you. They have to come to that conclusion themselves, and the only way to do that is to let them see what life is like without you there. If you had a great relationship and spent a lot of time together, they will feel it. Then they'll either try to come back, or fill that void with someone new (almost always the latter).
I can't reiterate this enough - if you throw your dignity out the window and start calling and texting, and leaving wood blocks on her door she's gonna think you don't have any balls and can't live your life without her. How attractive is that to your ex, or any woman really? Doing that will flush ANY chance you have down the toilet. That's why NC is the best option if you're trying to get your ex back. However, the MAIN reason for NC is that you are trying to move on and get WHOLE again without this person in your life. You are trying to get back to the person you were when she first met you - the person she fell for in the first place (and who other women will fall for too!) You shouldn't be using it specifically to try and get your ex back.
So basically there's two options:
1.) NC - she will feel void and MAYBE try to come back. MAYBE, and probably not.
2.) Call / Text / Beg / Plead - she will think you're a pu$$y and won't want you back at all.
Ha, you think I wrote a lot here? Go check out my post when I was going through my breakup. It's a freakin' novel. Comes from being an English major I guess...
Ok....george, i didnt mean i was sitting around doing nothing i just meant that i feel like im not doing anything when maybe i should be trying something, anything i dont know to get her back.
Confused....I understand all that. I swear on my life I do and i know it doesnt sound like it b/c i keep asking questions. I mean, hell im very aware of who broke it off haha. And dont think im trying to argue with anythign b/c im not at all. I know that wooden block thing sounded retarded but I know that she would know what it was. Maybe it wouldnt have an impact and maybe it would. Maybe it would be positive and maybe it wouldnt. I just want you to see where im comin from here. I refuse to look like some kind of wrecked desperate idiot to her. I have NEVER been in this boat before. I just wondered if a little push (the stupid block haha) might make her think a little.
And to add to that, Im almost positive she is with this guy that she worked with. The job was new to her and she talked about him but said she had dated somebody like him before and i didnt work out. (whatever right) When she broke up with me she said she didnt have any desire at all to be with anybody else. I know what youre thinking, I think it too. Anyway, this guy is filling her void that she would have if she was alone. .Know what I mean? I know if she really loves me and all that crap she'll come back nomatter what. I just didnt know if that would get her mind back on me.
This is such a good idea..... Well, since me and my ex used to work together we would still see each other but i refused to talk to him since he's a cheating sack of s**T.. So i haven't talked to him or called or texted or any sort of communication in 2 months. I even quit my job so i dont even see him anymore........ As time goes by i seem to hate him more everyday. I love it. I couldn't be any happier without him in my life .
It's been two months for me. I still have times when sadness hits me out of the blue and i let myself have a good cry. I open my heart too easily. It's just always been so hard for me to say goodbye, even when i know it's the right thing to do.
Dude. I don't doubt that this is one of the hardest things you will have to do in your life. First loves are the hardest to get over for sure. In fact, you may never fully get over them. My ex was my first love as well, and I had never had to deal with this kind of thing until now. I mean, we were together from the time I was 20 to the time I was 25. We were with each other almost every day, and slept together every night for a little over 4 years. We were GREAT together (or so I thought). $#!t, her mother even said we were soul mates. And then she dumped me - and believe it or not, I still love the girl, even though I know she's with someone else now.
And I'm still having trouble with the breakup 4 + months later. I was with my ex for a long time, but some others on here were with their ex for much longer. I expect that all of us will continue to struggle with it for several more months. I mean, that's why we post on this thread.
Point is though, is that we all see where you are coming from MLB33, no matter if we were with our ex for 4 years or 40. It's all the same. We all have this in common with one another. Many of us are further down the SAME PATH that you are on. Yeah, there are variations here and there, but they are all variations of the same story. And we are telling you what we've learned in hopes that you will not make the same mistakes we did when it comes to begging/pleading/trying to influence the ex, and breaking NC. All we're trying to do is speed your healing dude, so you don't have to wallow in agony for as long as we have. You need to go back and reread what I just posted, because you need to understand that no matter what you do, you cannot influence whether they think about you or not. In fact, if you try to influence them to think about you when they would rather not, you will just make them want to think about you EVEN LESS, because they will feel like you are forcing them to confront the situation. All you can do is disappear, and let them start to wonder what is up with you. It's exactly opposite of trying to get them to think about you - in essence, your absence will make them think about you. If you are always there, texting and calling or leaving wood blocks or whatever, they aren't ever going to miss you or wonder about you because they'll know you are still stuck on them.
You know, it's funny. When you are going through this stuff for the first time and you are hanging on to that thread of hope, it seems like no matter how many people on here tell you to let go and go NC, you just can't. You read what everyone tells you to do, and somehow you just don't listen. I had like 50 people on here tell me to go NC, but I thought my situation was different for some reason. It's like, you have to go through it and come to the realization that NC is the best way on your own. To bad it usually happens after your ex has found someone else and you realize that all hope is lost. But the good part is, you learn a lesson that you won't soon forget, and so next time you find yourself in this position you know exactly what to do.
what's funnier is that i'm sitting here holding onto that thread of hope...and then i'm telling some other idiot DON'T THINK THAT WAY! JUST DROP HER LIKE SHE NEVER EXISTED!
Ya it's much easier to give advice then follow it. But NC is almost always the best way to go. Contact after the break, can and usually pushes the other person further away. It's probably the hardest thing to do, but most things worth doing, arn't easy.
MLB: The wooden blocks idea is great. It's thoughtful, sweet, romantic, and its a unique way of getting your point across. How could she not love it? Well its like I said a thousand times before, life isn't like it is in the movies. In some sort of romantic film that type of thing would easily win the girls heart, but not in reality; that sort of thing just doesn't work. I know what you're going through, we all do, we all try thinking of really great romantic ideas that will bring the ex back, but it's best to leave those ideas for the people who actually want us as a partner in a serious relationship.
See that type of tactic would probably work great if you two had gotten in a fight and weren't talking because you were angry at one another. But it doesn't work when the person dumps you because she "wanted to be single." You cannot catch what doesn't want to be caught. You can't change that sort of mindset. She didn't break up with you because she had problems with your behavior or something terrible you did, she did it because she wanted her space and to be single.
Look, if you really want to contact her go for it. Give it a shot, the only thing at risk are your feelings and mental health. Heck as far as we know you contacting her might actually work and bring her back. We cannot tell the future, we can only tell you our experiences. It's funny really, you remind me a lot of me, trying to come up with really sweet ideas to win back the girl you care so much about. Trust me, I've tried it all: flowers, poems, music, etc. and none of them worked. In fact they failed miserably.
You keep asking if there is more to No Contact then simply healing yourself, and the answer is yes. No Contact is the only sensible, rational, tried and tested path of the dumpee for two reasons: (1) anything else will only serve to push the ex further and further away and (2) if she comes back then you know that she truly loves you. Think of No Contact as a test for your ex, now sit back, enjoy life, and see if she passes and earns the right to be by your side.
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