How about if we use this thread to count the NC days, all of us? Each one would mention how long he/she's been maintaining the NC period and how he/she feels with time.
Maybe in some way this can help us all (including me)?
This is my first NC day.. Afternoon here, so far didn't even touch my phone. I don't know how I feel, but I'm not that miserable, I have a goal and thinking about it, NOT HER!
i think I am on like a month and a bit now. Every day I think of her less and less. They don't bother, many of us will never know why the dumpers don't. Probably cuz the relationship is over? Feelings of guilt, confusion or just don't want to etc... Nc is a sure way of moving on though thats all I know.
I still remember times when I went out for a meal or a summer fete at my first school. As a dumper or dumpee are you likely to forget someone you were intimat with whether a long time or a short time...no!!
Exactly. And the only one of those things you can control is #1. Just gotta focus on yourself. If he's going to come back, he's going to come back but your much better off leaving him alone and focusing on yourself if that is going to happen. Yes, and after 7 years together, he is DEFINITELY thinking about you. I think a lot of times they (the dumpers) start to feel worse later on after the break-up (like months later) whereas by that time we (the dumpees) are already healing.
Exactly. And the only one of those things you can control is #1. Just gotta focus on yourself. If he's going to come back, he's going to come back but your much better off leaving him alone and focusing on yourself if that is going to happen. Yes, and after 7 years together, he is DEFINITELY thinking about you. I think a lot of times they (the dumpers) start to feel worse later on after the break-up (like months later) whereas by that time we (the dumpees) are already healing.
Thanks Suelle. I think you are so right, I think the dumpers do have regrets but it comes later. I know him very well and he is a deeply emotional person so when it does hit him it's going to HIT HIM HARD!!!
Drop all those feelings of will they regret it etc...It doesn't matter. We have nothing to push for though whilst the dumper does, their choice is theirs not nessarily ours and they have to live with it, those guilty feelings or being treated badly by their next and maybe one day they will realise..I actually had it pretty good. By then though were in our own happy lives with no feelings of confusion as we didnt' cause it!!
I know he must wonder about me sometimes. We were very close and did everything together. I have to think that when you spend 7 years living together and sharing everyday that the memories and thoughts of each other just don't go away over night. My reasons for N/C are #1 so maybe I will eventually start to heal. #2 So he can have space to realize that what we had doesn't come along that often. #3 If he does still love me than he needs to figure that out on his own and not by me calling him to try to convince him that he does.
I'd love to think the same way, but they don't wonder about us, otherwise they wouldn't be away till now. It seems that there feelings can vanish in 24 hours, at least this is what I noticed regarding my situation with my ex.
But Suelle, what I get from your words is you're still hoping during the NC period, which won't make things easier for you.
I'm on my second day now.. like yesterday, so far feeling good, but I wonder how things will be at night.
I'm not sure that this thread is such a good idea.
The whole point of NC is to get on with your life without someone, for the rest of your life. I don't see how that can happen if you're posting in a thread and dwelling over how long you havent been in contact for.
No, I'm not hoping he'll come back because I'm getting to the place where I don't want him back. He's not the person I thought he was. It's not my fault. I'm hoping with every single day it'll get easier and easier to forget him and i'll be able to open up to someonelse again...
[quote=Numb]ConfusedandLost, good for you!! Lucky that she calls you, I guess it gives you some boost to your self-esteem?
Does she calls to just say hi, or want to be back?
I guess it is good that she called at first........but now I have found that it is just torturing myself. It makes me want to get back to way it was. She needs time away from "us" regular contact like that just complicated things even more. She would say hi and talk about our days etc......I was kind of weird since we were making more contact after the break than did prior to it. She would tell me how much she misses me and she loves me............well than why are we on a break?
It's been 5 months since my ex cut the cord and 7 weeks of no contact (after a 4 year relationship). Things have gotten better for me since, but only in the sense that it's easier to go on with my life and do my day to day things without being completely paralyzed in thoughts. But then again today is a hard day for me and I should be working now, so, i'm still not completely healthy. Anyway, I still miss her and love her dearly and those feelings of confusion and shock are still there. There is also that hope that she will call, and the hurt that she hasn't...not even a little text message to say "hey, hope ur not dead." I know I should move on and it's all I can do, and I am doing it. But I can't help shake the feeling that I will always love this girl and want to be with her. It's not like it was when she first broke up, that desperate "I need her in my life" reaction to being rejected....it's more of a genuine at peace feeling....i don't know if this makes sense or anyone can relate. I know most here just get to the point were they say screw them (the ex), and maybe (hopefully), i will get there too someday.
Anyway, I know everyones situation is different so not everyone will feel the same or go through the same process. The only thing that's similar for all of us is that there's nothing you can do, so keep taking it day by day. Eventually, somethings got to give....whether you find someone else, wake up one morning and realize you don't care anymore, or the ex comes back one day.
In the meantime good luck to everyone, know you're not the only one going through this and and keep everyone posted if you can.
So, its 2 days shy of the 2 month mark of our break-up and 17 days of no contact and guess who just called me? Aaghh! I didn't answer. He left a message saying "Hi, wanted to see what was up? I miss you. Call me back." Fat chance. I'm NOT calling you back. Maybe I'll call him back in 60 days when I really don't care anymore. This is going to be tough. But I figure a phone call is nothing and he probably just really wants to see what was up. If he wanted to get back together, he'd be at my house saying/crying it to me, not calling me at work at 11am on a Friday. I feel like I actually got the power back now. Yeah!
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