I have only been a member of this forum for abut a month and lets just say with in that short amount of time i have been floored by the amount of rude comments filled with insensitive answers, grammar policing,and off topic remarking(sniping). I have seen these over and over again while reading through new and old postings. While there are some very nice people on this site who have been helpful there are others who have been rude and thoughtless. I am going to try my best to express mine(and im sure others) feelings about how some people relate to each other on this site and try to label and make this as easy as possible to understand :

Insensitive Answers :

Ive havent seen this a whole lot but it has happened. Someone will ask a question and you will see some of the responses that have an air of "oh well who cares why" especially when it comes to questions pertaining to children. Ive seen people come up with all sorts of ways of punishing a child if they afre misbehaving but very few postings that say find out WHY your kid is misbehaving. Children just dont wake up and decide to misbehave there is often a reason may it be attention,something medical or they just are frustrated and do not know how to express this to the parent so they act out. Im not saying children dont need discipline im just saying that maybe b4 answering people should think that maybe there is a REASON behind the behavior.

Grammar Policing :

Since appearing on the board I have seen my postings along with others critisized for "poor grammar" something as simple as forgetting a period or misspelling of a word or leaving out a letter in a word. These are common mistakes often not made on purpose.People usually make these mistakes not meaning to and as a result are the target of many on this site. I understand the terms say use the best grammar you can but I read these terms and what i got from it was try to make your postings as clear and understandable as possible. I admit i have made these grammar mistakes out of carelessness and/or accidentally,but the remarks recieved about these mistakes are out of line and often have nothing to do with the question asked. I assume that my questions can be understood because I recieve so many responses that are purely about my question and not a critisim of my grammar skills. I one wrote a question about a rude email i recieved. Some could not answer my question for critising my grammar. I am not the only victim i saw a posting of a young lady who wanted help with how to handle her english teacher. People could not answer her question for critising her grammar. In my opinon unless the person ask you "hey hows my grammar btw" there is no need to inform them of how bad you think thier grammar is because it is unneeded, unnecessary and just rude. When i see answers to my postings that critising my grammar even if they have good advice following it i dont even read it bc i assume that the person is attacking me. People really need to lighten up on this it is really not that serious. This is an online public forum save your red pens for english class please. Unless the answer is about the question being asked i dont understand why ppl even bother to respond.

Off Topic Remarks :
Ive seen this quite a bit as well. Someone will ask a question and people will respond by talking about something else for instance someone will ask about asking thier parents for money for something and people will respond "Well why dont you get a job and stop mooching off your parents" not knowing the whole story. Maybe they did not put why they do or dont have a job because they feel its not your business or maybe its not important. This off topic remarking often comes from assuming the worst about the person who is asking the questions. You know the old saying what happens when you assume right???? Ive had this happen to me as well ill be talking about my family member and out of no where ill see a response that says "well what about this" if they wanted you to know or felt it was important they would put it in my question. Another example i saw another question where again a young lady was asking about school and one of her signitures alluded that she was bisexual and a wiccan. People could not answer her question for bothering her about her wiccanism and sexuality what all that had to do with her question ill never know. An even better example was once a lady decided to make her screen name her first and last name. She did not have where she lived or anything but no one would answer her question bc they were too busy telling her it was unsafe to put your first and last name as your screenname. I personally wouldnt do it (thats why im TwinkletOes26 and not my real name) but that is MY choice. Some people feel comfortable doing it and if they dont have thier location down why does it matter? If they have susansmith as a screen name who care you know how many susan smiths there are in the world a killer would have to go through a WHOLE lot of work to find the one thats one this forum.

Im not saying these things to attack anyone or to be rude just a few things i saw on this forum that needed addressing. I have been on many forums in the past and these things happen but not as much as i have seen here(especially the grammar policing) maybe it is because this particular forum is larger than most maybe. Anyway in summary i just typed this to say please when someone is asking something they more than likely need help please be sensitive to that. Remember just because you cannot see a face does not mean the person behind the screen doesnt have feelings. Please be sensitive to this.

Thank You

TwinkletOEs26

smearcase

I will only comment about one of the issues you have raised. I wasnt involved in the grammar discussion but I saw it as it developed. You were upset about an email you had received from an agency that you had essentially applied to by email. The person that answered your posting was struck by the grammar of your posting and wondered if similar errors were present in your email to the agency.
I think the person that asked you about the grammar had a legitimate question which was part of the process and related to answering your posted question.
There is not always a "nice" answer to every question and most people want factual answers whether the answer makes them feel good or bad. Just my opinion.

progunr

I addressed some of this in an earlier post, but here is my take on some of this stuff.

Some people, like me, are very direct and to the point. Others, take much time and care in choosing their words so as not to offend or belittle someone. Often it is not a matter of right or wrong, just a difference in personality or style.

Also, as we type these answers or responses, we are "speaking" them in our heads.

The other members do not get to see facial expressions, or hear vocal tone or expression as if we were actually speaking.

The problem is, here, they are nothing more than black letters on a white background.

There is no way for the poster, to inject the "color" that would be obvious if we were able to listen, rather than read.

I'm sure I have pissed some people off, and yes, a few have pissed me off, and I stay pissed off, for about 5 seconds, then I move on to the next subject.

Some of us have thick skin, others don't, so the site can't be exactly as anyone would like it to be, it is what it is, and we are who we are.

This is a great place, full of great people. I truly enjoy my time here, even when something pisses me off!!

I say you gotta loosen up, let things go if they bother you, and if you get into a heated exchange with another user, then express yourself, and they will too.

No one has to be wrong or right, in many instances, we are sharing nothing more than our own personal opinion, and we can't expect everyone to share that opinion.

My 2 Cents worth.

J_9

You are experiencing the personalities of the world.

As far as the insensitive answers go....this happens from time to time. We, as moderators, try to catch these, but can't be in every thread all the time. That is why we depend on you as members to hit the "Report This Post" button. When a member reports a post we can look it over and make a decision as to whether or not to remove it.

Grammar.....

This is more towards paragraphs that run on and on without a break and can be pages long. This makes the post very hard to read. Another is Chat Speak. We do not allow chat speak here, as this is not a chat room, but a message board. Some of us are not up on all the acronyms, so it is better to write in complete words, sentences and paragraphs, as you would a letter or a paper for school.

Off topic remarks..

It happens and we can't stop it. Yes you have only been here for a short time, but you can help to get the post back on track, or use the report feature.

Fr_Chuck

Insensitive Answers

Not sure of any exact posts, but to be honest, if and when a child is throwing a tantrum or misbehaving, we deal with that issue, real life is not a Dr Phil show where you sit down each time and explain and wonder, if a child has been told not to do something a couple of times, the next time you swat his rear, to remind him not to do it. This is a seperating issue from many liberal people on child raising and others like myself who was raised 50 years ago and have kids 30 or more, that grew up saying yes sir and no sir. Who have kids today that when you are eating out, people say, how well behaved and the kids they are compared to.
So a wrong answer to you, if a very very correct answer to others,

Grammar Policing, as noted I think it was a question about the issue compared to your post, since that could be a issue also. And not done at least from what I remember in a mean manner

Off Topic Remarks

well again your opinion, first we can only answer form info give, if the OP wants to provide more info about our answers, that would be great. but in the issue of asking parents for money, as a parent who raised 5 boys, no things are not given, they have to be earned to teach the child the value of things.

Sorry but posting a full name is danagerous, people can be found and tracked esp if you are computer savy enough. And from other info in their posts often. Although I don't try and hide, I had to drop my wifes links because she was getting 2 or 3 hate mails a week, people call my work place from time to time hopeing to get me fired, my church gets several hate emails from those that are athiest, homosexual or so on because of my pro family and religous view points. I have even ended up with someone taking it off line to real life in the past.
So yes, there are people, esp minors who are indager from posting too much online. If you don't understand that, it is just a issue you will have to learn as you grow up.

And often we do get tough, since sometimes we only have a few paragraphs to try and make the person wake up to what they are doing is wrong or even dangerous. 12 though 16 year olds having sex and thinking they are grown up, need to be talked to often as the children they are, sorry but they have no real idea of the world in most cases
The guy who is drunk all the time and beats his wife, telling his wife, that she should have left a year ago and to get out now,

I am sorry but I belive you are judging things you have little knowledge of, and in fact not enough experience about.

TwinkletOes26

quote :I am sorry but I belive you are judging things you have little knowledge of, and in fact not enough experience about.

How am i judging?? im basing my post on what have read in new and past postings.....like i said the purpose in my post was to say that maybe people should think before(almost put b4 but as someone pointed out that we are not in a chat room and some are not up to speed with "txt or chat words" so i wrote the whole thing out see learned something today and will make a better effort not to type in txt or even abbreviate anything for the purpose of others )

quote : I say you gotta loosen up, let things go if they bother you, and if you get into a heated exchange with another user, then express yourself, and they will too.

eh im not wound up too tight i just said my opinon and after that forgot about the whole thing until i recieved an email that stated that i recieved an response to my post.

quote : You were upset about an email you had received from an agency that you had essentially applied to by email. The person that answered your posting was struck by the grammar of your posting and wondered if similar errors were present in your email to the agency.

for the last time I DID NOT APPLY FOR THE POSITION THROUGH AN EMAIL. I simply asked the "director" what was her agency's pocess to apply. Again some places you have to apply online and others allow you to do it in person. Some of you may think i was "unprofessional" to ask this through an email I and several of my old college professors along with the career center advisors think otherwise but hey again difference in opinon.

I think the person that asked you about the grammar had a legitimate question which was part of the process and related to answering your posted question.

no I felt as if they pretty much insulted my intelligence and i responded by saying that there was a big difference in posting on a public forum that is something that is ment to be done simply because you need/want help or for leisure. I was just saying that being the grmmar police on a public forum is going overboard and that unless a person asks your opinon on thier grammar then comments about it are not needed.

quote : This is more towards paragraphs that run on and on without a break and can be pages long. This makes the post very hard to read. Another is Chat Speak. We do not allow chat speak here, as this is not a chat room, but a message board. Some of us are not up on all the acronyms, so it is better to write in complete words, sentences and paragraphs, as you would a letter or a paper for school.

Ok thats fine I am have used many forums and a lot of them have a limit on how long your questions can be. Being use to this rule on other forums is why i use abbrevations and did not do paragraphs ( i do now that i know theres not a limit on space yahhhh),but i have had people harp on me because i missed a letter in a word.

Like i said i didnt type my post to be mean or to attack anyone just pointing out things i have seen on this forum that dont sit well with me. This does not mean i hate this forum i like it i really do i appreciate people's different points of view,but i think there is a way of sharing your opinon while respecting others is all im saying. I said it once ill say it again i have gotten a lot of help from a lot of nice helpful people and i appreciate this.

JudyKayTee

You complain that other people are mean and/or rude and show no respect and this is how you respond to FrChuck?

Many of your posts refer to the disrespect shown to you by other people (from your boyfriend to your stepfather to people who interview you for employment). I also note your degree is in Psychology so it would appear you should be able to express yourself at least adequately with proper spelling, punctuation and grammar - and by virtue of education see the anger in yourself.

Are you sure this is everyone else's problem and not your own?

Maybe you are reaping what you sow.

HistorianChick

Sweetheart!!! You said it yourself, this is an online public forum... you can't expect that all people are going to be sweet and kind in their answers, or even helpful and honest about their suggestions! That's all part of weeding through responses and figuring out what is best for the original poster.

We are not psychologists, nor are we psychoanalysts. We do not claim to be medical doctors, physical therapists, or shrinks. We are simply people who have experienced life and want to help.

As far as your three point outline on the wrongs of the site.... sweetie, if you don't want to deal with those things... then don't. I am a writer for an international curriculum publishing house... I don't always use proper and correct grammar on here because it is my "off time"... (ellipses used for emphasis)... but I, like J_9, do not understand chat speak and do not read posts that are one continuous run-on paragraph. We simply remind people that if they want factual, pertinent answers to their questions, they should invest time on their post.

Bottom line: if you don't like the heat, get out of the pot. If you don't like it here, you don't have to stay. We don't want you to leave because we need the individual opinions of every individual, but if you are going to bad mouth the site, please, just don't.

wildandblue

I'm not the grammar police, just spent many long years as a proofreader at a textbook publisher. Actually I'm more of a grumpy old man, the sort who will tell you, "what's that you say? Speak up, sonny!" There are 300,000 of us here, many more reading on line who are not members. Some of them/us are bound to rub you the wrong way, it's just the law of averages....I noticed we don't have a psychology expert on the board. Why not apply for that open position? Also if you don't like somebody just add them to your ignore list on your profile page.

Synnen

As far as insensitive answers go--my god, I try to have patience, but when I've seen the SAME QUESTION asked day after day, it's hard to be as sweet and polite as I was when I'd only been here a month. I also get very frustrated with people who do not read the site rules, or the rules posted in each forum that state "Please Read This Before Posting On This Board".

As a moderator, I try to curb rudeness and keep people on topic. Anyone who reads my boards knows that I have little patience with either. As to grammar, though--I'm lucky enough that my boards are Adult ONLY. Chat speak, to me, is used by teenagers, and they aren't adults--so I just delete posts with chat speak in them and send a PM to the person posting stating that we expect adults to use adult language.

Seriously--I'm one of the people here guilty of not being super-courteous, and of being the grammar police for chat speak (and I'm a geek, and KNOW what most of it means--it just drives me crazy when people use it), and of going off-topic a bit myself. Some threads kind of need that--the discussion between members can be as helpful in the end as a straight up answer--if only because the discussion sometimes clarifies the answer.

As far as assuming the worst about people--well, guilty again sometimes. But--when you read about people who want to terminate their parental rights because they don't want to pay child support--what are you SUPPOSED to think? That they're a loving parent caught in hard times? Or that money is worth more to them than their child? That same sort of rule applies to MANY of the posts that don't have sharp, defined answers. By that I mean that plumbing or lawnmower questions are less likely to get discussion about what they were doing that CAUSED the situation in the first place than a relationship question is going to have. Plus--people leave out a lot of details because they don't want to look bad, and a lot of times, they're looking for us to confirm the answer already in their minds, not actually get a REAL answer that they won't necessarily like.

I hope you don't leave--we need as diverse a group of people as possible to give answers here! But seriously--we're a pretty tight group, even with the people we don't necessarily agree with. I disagree with Chuck all the time about certain topics, but that doesn't mean I don't respect him and have feelings of friendship towards him. If you stick around a while, you'll realize that this is a group of people who really like and respect each other--no matter HOW much we disagree with each other on topics.