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Symbelmine · Jan 16, 2007, 06:22 PM

Everyone here knows how confusing relationships and breaking up can be.

I am really in love with this guy. I broke up with him 4 months ago, due to the distance between us..
In 4 weeks or less Ill see him again cause Im going to study in his country.. He's going to pick me up at the airport and then we'll go to his place to visit his familly..

Thing is.. He is confused right now, cause before he knew for sure that I was going to go to his country he found this girl he likes.. He tells me I have no idea how much he still likes me and says he's confused, cause if I leave again he won't be able to take it.. He says he " kind of" likes this girl but has deeper feelings for me.

I understand him.. He was trying to move on and found a girl he likes and all of the sudden I come into the picture again and mess his plans.
He has to chose between starting something new and fresh with a girl he "kind of" likes and getting back together with a girl he "REALLY" likes and never had a fair shot with due to the effin distance, EVEN if it means eventual heartbreak.

My question is.. How can you help someone who is confused to make up their mind? I know this is mostly his job, but I believe the way I act will help him make a choice.
How should I act?
.. Should I act like a friend, above everything else? Letting he know he can trust me and tell me the truth? Support him and his choices? Advising him like a true friend would? Proving I really care about him and want the best for him?
And at the same time letting him know how I feel for him to make him think of me as "more than a friend" ? Should I see him often and flirt with him and look good so he makes up his mind?

What approach would you advise me to use? How would YOU act?

JoeCanada76 · Jan 16, 2007, 06:26 PM

Stay away.

Symbelmine · Jan 16, 2007, 06:44 PM

So staying away will help him chose me?
Keep in mind he said he REALLY has feelings for me and would like to give us a try but is confused..
How will staying away help him make up his mind? If I stay away, she'll always be around him and he'll end up chosing her instead!
Im coming to his country and haven't seen him in 5 months, common sense tells me to stay in contact and see him and make him have a good time with me and such so we end up together! This relationship didn't end cause we didn't get along or didn't love each other.. I ended it for reasons out of my control (Distance)
Im not saying you're not right.. But.. Explain it to me? Maybe Im the one mistaken.

JoeCanada76 · Jan 16, 2007, 07:00 PM

I thought you said that you broke up with him because of distance?

Question is how long are you going to be in the country for?

Is distance going to remain a problem because if it does then it probably will not work,
Unless somebody is willing to make a move and commit someway.

Joe

Symbelmine · Jan 16, 2007, 07:08 PM

I am going to be there for 1 year and if during that year I find a University that really suits me then Ill stay there until I finish my career.. And who knows! If I finish my career there I could even stay and work there too..

Anyway.. Wouldn't it be lie to himself if he choses a girl he doesn't really like over a girl he truly likes just cause he's " afraid" what will happen in the future? What a chicken!
Nothing is for certain in the world.. Not me, not that girl and not even himself! Wouldn't it be smart to make good use of that year?

What do the rest of you think?
Thanks everybody for your opinions! They really help.

ordinaryguy · Jan 16, 2007, 08:33 PM

Is there something more to this question than a rehash of your previous posts here and
here? It sounds like you're trying to jump ahead into the future and see how it comes out before you actually live it. There's really no way to do that, so just relax and take it a step at a time. Don't use a strategy, just be yourself and respond honestly to every situation and circumstance as it unfolds. That's how I would act (to answer your question).

JoeCanada76 · Jan 16, 2007, 08:57 PM

I did not realize there was so many different posts already. I stand by my original post. Stay away, your only going to end up hurting him anyway. You think that he should be happy with one year, but why should he settle for that? You are not even sure of how long your going to be. I am not saying it is impossible to work out, but after breaking up, I do not really think it is going to work.

Joe

Symbelmine · Jan 17, 2007, 05:32 PM

Yes. The reason for so many different posts is that I feel I can't really explain myself... I feel I can't find the exact question.. :( I guess I am as confused as he is and I don't even know what I want to ask anymore.. I just feel I need an answer.. Its just that I can't understand how a person who loved you so much and waited so much time for you and is supposed to still care and have feelings for you can't make up his mind.. Especially knowing that I still love him and that deep down I'm traveling for him.. I haven't said it, but he knows.. And I just don't understand.. He traveled for me on many occasions.. He knows how you feel when you miss someone as much that you just have to see them again.. So if he knows what that feels like, and he still has feelings for me why is he so confused? Is it really about the girl he just met? Something tells me it isn't. I just don't kknow what it is.. And yes I wish I could know what is going to happen, cause I'm also taking a big risk here.. If this doesn't work, one of the main reasons I did all this will be gone.. And that will break my heart.
But its OK, cause I know I have to take risks... Oh well... I guess I'll see what happens.

JoeCanada76 · Jan 17, 2007, 05:53 PM

Yes, the only way to experience life fully is to take risks. None of us know how things are going to work out. Not all of us can predict things in the future. Distance relationships are very challenging and eventually they do not work out, unless people do come together. I know because I was in one. It is the hardest experience even though at the time we only lived an hour away. My wife now has a cousin who got married to somebody that used to live in another country. Wow, I could not do that personally. It does not make sense to me. Everybody is different. You travelling to this persons country taken in the experience. Even if it does not work out it is not for nothing. Each experience we have in life is for something. We may not see it at the time but the out come will be seen. Might not be today but in the future. The best way to live life which it is hard to think this way but I believe it is the best way to look at life. LIVE FOR TODAY. Do not look at the past because then you will miss out on today. Do not look into the future because the most important day to live is today.

Joe

talaniman · Jan 18, 2007, 08:35 AM

At least in this thread you admit to beings as confused as he is ,but honestly he is not confused as you make him out to be and I think you are not being fair to break up with some one and the waltz into their lives again like nothing has changed. Your motives are so selfish, I would tell you to leave me alone, but he obviously cannot. So how many threads will it take to find someone who agrees with your point of view, and when will you accept he is scared of you dumping him yet again and maybe you should leave the poor guy alone.