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mad mom · Jun 25, 2007, 08:38 AM

Hello. I am trying to move to another state with my duaghter, new husband, and new son. My daughters father is trying to prevent that by making false accusations as to her care while living with me. She is 8, and has lived strictly with me since she was 2. Only a day before the hearing he claims that I am not taking care of her physically or her education. She is in a gifted program at school and is always well taken care of. We went to court on Friday and the judge decided we had to have an evidentiary hearing to figure all of this out. I am surprised that he would do that since there has never been a complaint of her treatment until I wanted to move. My husband and I both have great job opportunities in the new state, all of my in laws live in the area, none of my family live in our current state, and the schools are better in the new state. Can someone please tell me what this evidentiary hearing will entail and what to expect after that. If her father still doen't agree to the move does he have the final say??

excon · Jun 26, 2007, 07:18 AM

Originally Posted by mad mom

If her father still doen't agree to the move does he have the final say???

Hello mad:

No, the judge does and he'll probably side with the father - not because the father made the accusations he has, but because his relationship with his daughter will be unalterably affected if you move...

The wonderful work opportunity you have won't count.

excon

ScottGem · Jun 26, 2007, 07:37 AM

What you don't say is what type of custody and/or visitation your daughter's father has and has he been exercising it.

What it sounds like to me is he's grasping at straws to prevent you from moving and taking his daughter out of his life. The key point here is that you are removing his daughter from his life. Depending on circumstances you don't have a right to do that.

What a judge is going to look at is what type of father he has been. If he has regular visitation, has been a part of your daughter's life (going to recitals, soccer games, birthday parties etc.).

The thing is I suspect he hasn't been these things and that is why he has resorted to lying to try and prevent the move.

An evidentiary hearing means that both sides will be given the opportunity to present evidence of the charges. The judge will then decide on the merits of the evidence whether his charges are true or not.

But, as excon and I have said, the bottomline here is whether the move will cause the father hardship in continuing to be a part of his daughter's life. If it does, then its likely the judge will not allow the move.

mr.yet · Jun 26, 2007, 07:40 AM

The court will consider what is in the best interest of the child. Now the false accusations he will have to prove that in court, and most of the time lies don't hold up and are looked at negatively, so find an attorney now.

mad mom · Jun 26, 2007, 02:50 PM

I had sole custody until about a year ago, I consented to joint legal custody then. He only sees her every other weekend. He is not involved in any extra activities and if those fall on his weekend he doesn't take her to them. I do have an attorney, but I like to do my own research also when I can't talk to her. H e also owes at least 10,000 in back support. He has been there for every scheduled visit. He is getting married soon so I think the new wife has a lot to do with this. He has never went for more visitation, and has always been told he can come and see her even if it is not his time but has never done that.

wendalyn · Jun 26, 2007, 04:25 PM

I feel for you - I went through a similar situation. It boiled down to my ex had money and I didn't. He got mad because I moved 3 hours away and brought it to court to try to take the kids. After 3 years it got thrown out as the judge finally put 2 and two together that my ex was lying. I let my son go live with him and my daughter lives with me. There is nothing easy when it comes to kids. Hopefully you get a good judge that rules in the best interest of the child and isn't biased like the one we had.

ScottGem · Jun 26, 2007, 04:33 PM

I am pessimistic about this. On the one hand you have a father with joint custody who sees the child when he has visitation. He also requested a change in custody fairly recently, but, apparently, before this move came up. If those were the only facts, you would not be allowed to move at least not with the child.

However, this is balanced by the fact that he makes no attemtpt to see her outside of scheduled visitation, that he is behind in his support payments and that he has lied about your care of the child.

Whether the judge will tip the scales to you on that basis is a tossup In my opinion. I wonder, though if this is a ploy to reduce support. If you offer to fiogive the support arrears and maybe reduce his payments since you both will now have better jobs, maybe he'll drop the objections.

mad mom · Jun 26, 2007, 05:01 PM

When we were at court my lawyer tried to talk to his about bargaining and she said he will not agree to it at all. Does it come down to him agreeing or if the judge decides we can go can he force it? We are prepared to bargain with reduced to eliminating support, splitting the travel expenses, giving most of the summers, all winter and spring breaks and rotating holidays which we do already. I think we are being very fair. I have never accused him of being a bad father all we want to do is move, he is the one who has started the mud slinging. I just hope the judge will see that. If he thought his daughter was so mistreated why didn't he file a complaint until a day before our hearing. I hope this judge is smart enough to realize this.

wendalyn · Jun 26, 2007, 05:20 PM

Originally Posted by mad mom

When we were at court my lawyer tried to talk to his about bargaining and she said he will not agree to it at all. Does it come down to him agreeing or if the judge decides we can go can he force it? We are prepared to bargain with reduced to eliminating support, splitting the travel expenses, giving most of the summers, all winter and spring breaks and rotating holidays which we do already. I think we are being very fair. I have never accused him of being a bad father all we want to do is move, he is the one who has started the mud slinging. I just hope the judge will see that. If he thought his daughter was so mistreated why didn't he file a complaint until a day before our hearing. I hope this judge is smart enough to realize this.

I believe it would be as it is here and the judge decides the final outcome. If the move is related to jobs or bettering your family the judge will just decide the visit on when the child visits the father. I have numerous friends that moved out of the state and the kids are flown for Holidays and Summer vacation or whatever. I went through the same thing you went through and definitely feel for you. Its sad when one parent lies to get what they want and its just not good for the kids all around. If you do not like your judge you can request another judge. I did that when we went to court because of a bias judge and they moved it to another city with their judge.

Fr_Chuck · Jun 26, 2007, 07:18 PM

Yes, do expect if the judge allows the move that you will be paying the biggest part of the transportation of the child, this is the issue that needs to be presented, who pays to send the child for the visits, and how is the father going to see the child as much ?

If the father is seeing the child every other week, how will this be able to continue ?

wendalyn · Jun 27, 2007, 07:33 AM

Maybe you guys can come to some understanding and agree to split the transportation and set up a schedule or something and not go to court it would be cheaper for everyone and less heartache in the long run.

But Chuck is right someone will have to pay for transportation and if the Judge ok's you to move it will probably be you. When I moved it was only 3 hours away but I actually got them to agree to meet me half way on weekends which is still a 3 hour drive.

Another thing which I didn't know and wish I would have - TAKE NOTES anything he says to do you or anything he does. Judge looks at that kind of stuff which I didn't know. Also before you evidentiary hearing make sure that you have in writing why you are leaving your current state because sometimes you are nervous and might forget something. I am sure like everything else every state varies in this kind of law.

ScottGem · Jun 27, 2007, 07:39 AM

Your willingness to compromise can only help your cause. I would suggest your lawyer send his a letter outlining your offers to reduce support, pay transportation for visits etc. Get it in writing.