How to financially recover from abusive relationship?
Asked Aug 8, 2010, 11:56 AM
A few weeks ago I got out of a bad, abusive relationship. It finally hit me after being pointed out to me by relatives, social workers, that the man I was with and his grown children were just using me financially. Soon after I moved in with him 3 years ago, he lost his income like within a week of me and my daughter moving in. And I supported, him, his daughter and her fiancé and his son on my income. Things appeared to be OK, other than the fact he had a strange relationship with his ex-wife. I soon found she was constantly borrowing money from him, (well me).
A year later, he came into some money and started spending most of it on his ex-wife, taking her out to dinner several times (he never did take me out), and would hardly contribute to the bills or rent. I ended up doing that, however, my income would only cover so much and he failed to realize that. He started accusing me of stealing, taking money, which was unfounded -at that time we had separate accounts. He spent his money on alcohol, cigarettes for everyone including his ex-wife and kids (I didn't smoke or drink), games for the PS3, PS2, XBox, etc. everything but bills.
Then his ex-wife got thrown out and he moved her in with us - then her son got thrown out and he moved him in with us. So I was supporting 8 people, providing food when his food card ran out, cigarettes for all of them, etc. I started looking for places to move to but it was the dead of winter and hard to do so. I got behind on the bills again, but he failed to realize how much money it costs to support all those people - I cleared about $3000/month and I had 120 mile round trip commute to work everyday. He still started yelling and accusing me of stealing money and not keeping up with the bills.
Then his daughter decided to get married in June (6 months) now keep in mind her and her fiancé did not work, and that financial burden also fell on me.
Also, I was hit by a semi in her car and this is still being litigated. Neither he nor his daughter could get a car in either name, but I was able to... so now I was paying for two cars and insurance on everyone to drive it.
I ended up having to take out payday loans to help ends meet sometimes. And I told him that... he became furious stating that we should be able to make ends meet without that and I asked him how? Between rent, bills, two car payments, insurance, cell phones, food, wedding stuff, gas for the cars, their cigarettes (about $150/week on those along). And he accused me of stealing and then telling me that if I don't pay back what I stole, then me and Jessie could go.
We started looking again. Then he said he made a mistake and we could stay.
He ignored us, and starting hanging more with his ex-wife while she was staying with us taking her out on the town drinking.
I was told that wait until after the wedding and he was going to throw us out.
3 hours after the wedding, that is exactly what he did... we had an hour to get our stuff out and a friend of mine is putting us up...
I had payday loans taken out to help pay for the wedding. They are in my name - the lease was in both of our names... I have the Klaire's car in my name and paying for it... it was to replace the car that got hit by the semi...
He still is accusing me of stealing and there is no proof of that and what would I be stealing since I was the breadwinner? He got some cash assistance towards the end but he had the card at all times...
Any help or suggestions would be great... My daughter and I had to start all over, we have no dishes, furniture, etc. When he moved us up there he had me get rid of everything. He also told me when he threw me out that he only moved us up there out of pity, he never loved me. He actually had given me a titanium ring... so it makes me wonder if he had this planned to use me financially from 3 years ago.