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billysmommy · Jan 7, 2009, 05:46 PM

We have a 1 year old english springer spaniel that we think of as our child. Here's the problem, Billy (thats his name) has been sleeping with us since we got him (he was only 4 weeks old) and although I love him sleeping with us my fiancé doesn't so much anymore. He is a little too big I suppose and he always wants to sleep in between us and under the covers. Now, because I really don't want billy thinking we're mad at him or he's done something wrong I've found it very difficult to sleep without him in bed with us. So, here's my question, how do we get him to sleep on his own bed without making him feel like he's been a bad boy? As silly as this may sound it breaks my heart to feel like we could possibly be hurting his feelings, as I've said, he's our son!
Kimberly N

twinkiedooter · Jan 7, 2009, 06:11 PM

Basically it's going to be hard for YOU to get over the fact, not him! My Jack Russell female used to sleep in bed under the covers with me or my son all the time for years. We got her when she was 5 weeks old. We now have her own room for her and her own bed made from some of my old comforters. She happily goes into her room and sleeps in her own bed. Once in a while she will come into my room early in the morning and get under the covers and sleep with me. This is because she knows I will be waking up soon and having coffee with creamer (her favorite) and she wants to make sure I don't forget her and save her some. She's 7. I think she enjoys her own room as well as it is her "cave".

If you feel little Billy can't "cope" with this arrangement of him sleeping in his own bed you'll just have to get over it.

Alty · Jan 7, 2009, 07:12 PM

Billy is a dog, not a child. Yes, you love him, and that's great, I love my dogs too, but, when you treat them like kids you're asking for trouble. In order to have a happy dog you need to address the fact that he is a dog, first and foremost.

Twinkie is right, he'll get over it. In fact, he won't be upset at all, dogs don't get "upset" over things, not like people do.

You have to retrain him, teach him that sleeping on your bed isn't allowed. It will take some time because you've already taught him that it's okay, now you're going to change all of that and get him to sleep in his own area.

Crate training is still an option, there's some great info on crate training in a sticky on this forum.

You have to remember, you can love him, but you aren't doing him any favors by treating him like a human, treat him like a dog and he'll be a lot happier in the long run, treating him like a child only fulfills you, not him.

Good luck.

billysmommy · Jan 7, 2009, 09:49 PM

Originally Posted by twinkiedooter

Basically it's going to be hard for YOU to get over the fact, not him!! My Jack Russell female used to sleep in bed under the covers with me or my son all the time for years. We got her when she was 5 weeks old. We now have her own room for her and her own bed made from some of my old comforters. She happily goes into her room and sleeps in her own bed. Once in a while she will come into my room early in the morning and get under the covers and sleep with me. This is because she knows I will be waking up soon and having coffee with creamer (her favorite) and she wants to make sure I don't forget her and save her some. She's 7. I think she enjoys her own room as well as it is her "cave".

If you feel little Billy can't "cope" with this arrangement of him sleeping in his own bed you'll just have to get over it.

Just wanted to say that although you may have been trying to "help" you could have been a little less condiscending in your reply! "little billy", seriously, you couldn't have just said billy? Next time you decide to reply to someone's question, why not try doing it a more gentle manner.

Kerry B · Jan 8, 2009, 08:25 AM

Hi there

I completely understand your position and also people coming across as condescending in their reply. I mean your not asking to be judged just asking for a little help and support and this is what this site is suppose to be set up for.

If it helps, me and my partner got together 4 years ago. He has a jack russell and I had 3 cats! His pup always slept in the bed and I am the same as your partner, not too keen for the pup to be in the bed - although I do love her so! So, we placed her favourite basket next to my partners side of the bed and he started by putting her there every night and reassuring her, as she was used to being under the covers. It took a few nights of doing this and gently putting her back in her basket and giving her a biscuit each time but she is now fine. She goes in her basket, waits for her treat and goes strait off like a light.

Try this technique and see how you get on, hope it works out for you and that you do not miss him being in the bed with you too much. Let me know how you get on

Kerry xx

Emland · Jan 8, 2009, 08:36 AM

Check out the Dog Whisperer on Nat Geo if you have cable. He is an expert on dog behavior.

Altenweg is right. Billy is a dog, not a human. You are imposing human emotions on him that is only going to cause you unhappiness.

Sure, the dog is going to try to go back to the old habits. He will whine and maybe howl, but you have to be the pack leader - not the mommy. You have to show the dog that you are in control and not the other way around or you will have more trouble down the line if the dog gets more dominant.

Emland · Jan 9, 2009, 09:04 AM

billysmommy disagrees: I disagree because yes, he is just a dog, but they do have their own personalities & feelings. I was simply just looking for a ways 2 reassure that he's not being bad & we're not mad just because he can't sleep in bed with us anymore! But thanks anyway!!

I respectfully disagree. Dogs are not humans and do not have the same emotions as humans. You have to take the leadership position in your house or this dog will be in charge forever. The dog isn't going to care about your opinion of him. He knows that the bed is more comfortable than the floor and if he can take the position as the dominant energy in the house then he will get his way.

I was just watching the Dog Whisperer last night. There was a dog that was born with only 2 legs. The owners were imposing all kinds of feelings of compassion on this dog. The dog didn't know/believe it was disabled. The other dog it lived with didn't treat it as disabled, but the dog was exhibiting bad behavior because of the emotions the humans were imposing on it.

Humans are humans and have lots of complex emotions and anxieties. Dogs are much simpler creatures. They react to their environment and follow the pack leader.

Alty · Jan 9, 2009, 02:46 PM

Emland, I had to spread the rep but, I couldn't have said it better myself.

Too many people are adopting dogs and treating them like children. This does not fulfill the dog, it only fulfills the human. Dogs are pack animals, they follow a leader, if they have a good pack leader than they feel secure, cared for, and content. If they don't have a good leader then, in order to survive, they must take on the leadership role, because they must have a leader.

In their world it's better to be the leader (even though most dogs are not born to be leaders) than to have no leader at all.

You aren't doing this for your dog, he really doesn't care if he has to sleep on the floor, but he does feel it's his right, because he's taken on the leadership role. It's time for you to take on that role.

Yes, they have their own unique personalities, yes, they are lovable, wonderful animals, but they are dogs, not humans, and until you treat him like a dog he will live the life of a very unhappy dog.

Read Cesars book, it really is a great read and he explains all of this much better than I can.

Good luck.

twinkiedooter · Jan 9, 2009, 03:06 PM

Billysmommy - Want a chuckle? A friend of mine has a 200 lb female wolf. This wolf just HAS to be with her female owner 24/7. My friend even went so far as to take an old bunk bed, saw off the top bunk and put the bunk next to her bunk and the wolf just used the other bunk to stretch out her legs on still "hogging" the owner's bunk. This 200 lb wolf does not think she is a wolf but a furry heating blanket for her owner. Be glad you don't have THAT problem to deal with!

Alty · Jan 9, 2009, 10:19 PM

I can just picture this lady sharing her bed with a 200lb heating blanket. I guess we know who the leader is in that house. ;)

tickle · Jan 11, 2009, 12:00 PM

60 lb. Walker hound always used to sleep with me until I kicked my husband out of my bedroom too, cause of snoring, restless leg syndrome. I just never got any sleep with the dog and him in the same bed with me.

My bed is my domain, not my dogs (or not my husband's either now). Taffy every now and then looks at my bed with me in it, but I say no, and she finds another place to sleep.

Another thing, there is the hygiene issue (a dog under the bed covers is not my idea of good hygiene!).

I just always had this lovely picture of my bed being white and clean all the time with a duvet and cover and feather mattress topper and now I have it all to myself! Hi Five!

Dogs always know you love them, they don't necessarily have to sleep with you to know that.

Hi billysmommy, you came on for advice, and you got it from several very good people, albeit strangers to you, realize that and don't take any comments the wrong way. This is not a serious life threatening problem and your lovely dog will get over it if he can't sleep with you anymore, their love is unconditional whether they sleep with you or not. You are supposed to be the pack leader in your house.

beebeecee · Jan 18, 2009, 04:52 AM

I don't think dogs will think you don't love them by not allowing them on the bed anymore. There are many types of bonds, some are shown through physical affection but some are shown through teaching and praise. If you show your dog his bed and praise him while he's on it - praise him while he rests there randomly I have no doubt he'll know you love him, he won't forget he's doing a good thing in your eyes if you tell him he is. Then it won't be so much about what he 'lost' but rather what he gained! Make a real effort to be the provider of all good things in the world, games of tug, treats, if he has a special spot that he likes to be scratched scratch it - while he's on his bed, but do it randomly. If he lays on his bed on his own, praise him, wait a few minutes then go over and praise and keep just randomly rewarding him *his bed should be the best spot in the world to be when he's there* ignore him, and just give a simple off command when he tries to get up on the bed, even keep a short leash on him so it's not a fight. If every time he jumps up on the bed or thinks about it you tell him no, even if it's the middle of the night and/or get up and make him get down eventually he'll appreciate the positive aspects of being on his own bed all the more. You might not sleep so well for a few weeks but it's worth the work! You could also practice teaching him to jump up on the bed, then down for treats, teach him to only put his front feet on the bed, then down into a sit, excetra - just to get control of his movements so he listens to you. Make it positive training though, be happy and have fun.

A good way to teach a dog to lay on his bed is to teach 'targeting' - if you do a Google search for targeting and cliker training which is positive training you'll see what I mean hopefully. Good luck!

Silverfoxkit · Jan 18, 2009, 03:12 PM

I don't know if it will help your case any, but both of my dogs usually sleep in our bed as well, but there are just plain some points in time when having two adult siberian huskies sleeping on my legs or back is too much for me, so they have been taught the command "off". If I say "off" 8 feet hit the ground and they don't come back up until I tell them its okay. There feeling aren't hurt at all, they just go find a spot on the floor.