Thanks so much for your response
The transpost is no longer the problem as since I have hired a driver I can now get around when I need to. I actually live in South Africa in Johannesburg and while the city is very large, our transpost system is not at all up to scratch and is actually very dangerous so I need to use a car with a driver to get my daughter to school and then me to work. My own family help a lot as well but it gets a bit much for people especially if it's out of their way so this driver thing is working so well.
The problem is that before I became independent in this way I was relying not only on my family, but on my late husbands' family a lot to assist me which is why they saw so much of my daughter. I was also involved in our church a lot (singing, playing drums, doing artwork for ministries etc) which I have also stopped a lot of to spend more time with her now that she in getting older. Because of my attentions her school has commented that they are seeing a vast improvement in her confidence.
The problem is that because this Aunt and Uncle are no longer seeing her every week as before, they are saying they now need to set up some sort of regular time with her that is fixed. I almost feel like I got divorced and am being asked for visiting rights!
On top of that before my husband passed away we decided together that if I died this Aunt and Uncle would be her guardians. I ended up dating a man last year and not long afterward this began the Godparents wanted to speak to me privately and find out if I had changed my will or if they were still my daughters guardians should I die. Because of this I have changed my will without them knowing (as I really don'y think it is their business) and have made my sister the guardian should I die.
I am very grateful for everyone's help and I know they love her as they really treat her well but seeing this side of them toward myself has changed my view of them. They are no longer loving people but actually ugly people in my eyes.
I just don't want to be mean because I am feeling hurt and so make it all about me without thinking of my daughter but at the same time there should be some boundaries... some decency?
I wrote in yesterday as about three weeks ago I agreed to have a meeting between myself, them and our minister where we discussed everything. I basically said that if they want to see my daughter at the moment it will have to be with me there just like everyone else and that if I left her with them alone it would be at my convenience and when I felt more comfortable. I also expressed that I no longer trusted them and that we need to work on that. They were not happy as they just wanted everything to be resolved their way but it was a start.
Yesterday my daughter stayed with her grandmother (my late husband's mom) as it's holidays here and I went to work. I ended up being able to leave almost two hours early so I phoned to tell the grandmother that I was on my way to fetch my daughter only to find out she had taken my daughter to the Botanical gardens which are about 45 minutes away from her house to spend the day with this Aunt and Uncle. She seemed flustered on the phone which tells me they meant to keep it from me. What riles me is that I was not told or asked and it seems to have been done in a rather underhanded way.
I've searched on the web to see if anyone out there has a similar problem but most stories are about widows who seem to have relatives that are uninterested not too interested especially in the kids. My family invite both of us round to see us. This Aunt and Uncle though just want her almost like they want to playi happy families while I am not there. It just doesn't seem right and is making me angry. Where do I draw the line without being selfish?