Why would a longtime friend suddenly shut you out?
Asked Dec 28, 2009, 11:41 AM
Hello, all. I am really not sure what to do about the problem I have. Lisa (not her name) and I have been friends for 32 years. We used to work together which is where our friendship started. We have been there for each other for everything, the ups and the downs. I have always thought of her as more of a sister as well as a friend, and my daughters considered her an aunt. Once the place we worked at went out of business in 1980, we always got together once a month to "goof off"... eat lunch, go shopping, etc. Then a few months ago something so peculiar happened. We had our day for October scheduled (it was a Sunday as I had to work on Saturday). Well, I got laid off October 6th so I figured I would call her and see if she would prefer to go Saturday. I called her work as I intended to just leave her a message. The greeting on her voice mail stated she was on vacation all week. So, I called her home on the off chance she would answer (she does not have voice mail or answering machine at home and if she doesn't want to answer she doesn't). Well, she answered. I told her what had happened and why I was calling. She was DISTINCTLY FROSTY. She said she didn't know and she thought she was doing something with her sister. I said that was fine and to call if things changed. This was a Tuesday. But, it did bother me as she has never in all these years spoken to me in that tone. Well, between then and Sunday I wound up getting sick. So I called her on Sunday morning to tell her I was ill. She said she was feeling under the weather and she left me a message on my cell phone... still in the extremely frosty tone. Now, what is rather odd about this is she knows I never have my cell phone on. I only use it for emergencies. She did not even try to call the house phone first. So, if I had not been sick I would have driven all the way up to her house (we live almost an hour apart) and then had to turn around to come home. By the way, in July of this year I went to her house on our scheduled day and rang the doorbell several times. She did not answer. There is no way to tell if she is at home as she never opens the blinds or curtains and the car is always in the garage. Well, I needed to use the restroom so I went to a convenience store and then called her home from my cell. She answered the phone and said she forgot that it was our day to goof off. She said she didn't feel like going through the bother of getting up and taking a shower. This in itself was odd as neither one of us has ever forgotten and we have always been courteous to each other about needing to cancel and called each other as far ahead as we could so the other could make plans if they wanted to. But I just figured maybe it was a really bad day or something and dismissed it. Well, to get back to the present. When I sent out Christmas cards I heard nothing from her. She has never sent out cards but always calls to thank me for sending her one. I tried to call off and on for about a week and never an answer. So I waited a couple of weeks and then sent a friendship card telling her I had tried to call her and that I was going to stick close to home for awhile to save my gas for job interviews. I also told her a few of the things going on... just a short chatty note. This was in November and still nothing. The last time we spoke was October 11th. We have no mutual friends so cannot ask anyone that way; nor do I know any of her family members' numbers and she has a very common last name so that might be pretty hard to figure out which number would be a family member and the last I knew they had unlisted numbers like hers. Also, if I would do that; knowing her she would resent the fact of asking her family about her even though I am unable to ask her directly. So I am unsure what more to do or if I should even do anything else. I have no idea what I have done or not done to bring about this situation. On our last outing we had a great day like always. The only thing I could possibly think of is her birthday was in September and I sent her a birthday card as usual... she turned 50 this year but age has never bothered either one of us. I am feeling that maybe I should just leave it alone and if she wants to speak with me she will and if she doesn't she won't. I guess the ball is in her court and I need to let her decide what she wants to do. It is just that this is like the death of a sister for me. I have never in my life had a friend for 32 years! If anyone has any insights on this I would greatly appreciate them. Maybe someone else can see between the lines something that I am missing. Or if someone else has gone through the same thing can point out some things to do... even to just help myself adjust. As I don't start my new job until February... have been occupying my time by cleaning. I tell you... I will have the cleanest house in the world by February! Thank you for listening.