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    Why does a mother love one child and hate another

    Asked Jun 27, 2008, 10:10 AM 8 Answers
    All my life my mother has hated me. She loves my sister, I was the one she made cook and clean and my sisters never had too. I am the youngest of her 3 daughters. Sher just told me about 2 months ago that she could not come back around me because I was the devil and she was Jesus. And she told me if god could grant her one wish she would have only had Debbie, and not me. Now I am a mother of 3 and I could not ever even think of doing one of my kids like that. I am the only daughter who got married before I had any kids and the only one who is still married. I have been married for 13 years. To me I think I have done everything right, but to her I have done everything wrong. We have not spoken for 2 months, going on 3 What advise would you all give to me. Do you think I am wrong for not going around her?

    {moved from Introductions-<>}

    Last edited by ScottGem; Jun 27, 2008 at 11:39 AM.
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    8 Answers
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,839, Reputation: 2034
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    #2

    Jun 27, 2008, 12:21 PM
    Unfortunately some families do treat one child as a black sheep or the evil one that has caused a curse on the family. Some families even act out their hatred of the child.
    I think the healthiest thing you can do for you and your kids is avoid her.
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    Sonador101's Avatar
    Sonador101 Posts: 298, Reputation: 14
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    #3

    Jun 27, 2008, 12:25 PM
    I cannot believe someone would do that much less admit it to there own daughter! But please rember there is nothing wrong with you it is all in her head, you are a good person. The best thing to do is just don't ineractwith her. She doesn't deserve you.
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    TwinkletOes26's Avatar
    TwinkletOes26 Posts: 182, Reputation: 2
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    #4

    Jun 27, 2008, 12:55 PM
    I have a grandma who picked favorites amongst her children. They usually do it as a means of control. Best thing to do is avoid her as much as possible.
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    oOLadyOo's Avatar
    oOLadyOo Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Jul 6, 2008, 01:21 PM
    Your mom has been doing this all your life and I doubt that she is going to change that, what you need to do is recognize that this is what she is and this is what she does and accept it and if not then cut ties with her... there is no in between with this one it's either do or don't. It's sad, don't get me wrong, but every child on this earth doesn't get along with their parents for some reason or another, you are a mother now and your mom has taught you everything you need to know (believe it or not) to make your child(ren) feel so loved because she didn't do it with you, keep your head up and keep it moving... good luck
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    nikosmom's Avatar
    nikosmom Posts: 1,611, Reputation: 488
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    #6

    Jul 6, 2008, 05:42 PM
    I have a similar situation with my mother. I'm the youngest of 2. She's told me before that my brother is her favorite. It doesn't affect my relationship with him but now as an adult, I have a say-so in whether to go around her and deal with it. We haven't talked in almost a year and she doesn't acknowledge my son. I've chosen to stay away because I will NOT allow my son to be treated like he is nothing just because she's chosen to play favorites. My son doesn't know her and it hurts sometimes, but I feel better knowing I've shielded him from the emotional havoc of being treated like a 2nd class citizen.

    So what I say to you, is focus on your children and break the cycle because you know how it made you feel when your mom picked favorites.
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    0rphan's Avatar
    0rphan Posts: 1,259, Reputation: 237
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    #7

    Jul 7, 2008, 01:59 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by tammie_neal
    All my life my mother has hated me. She loves my sister, I was the one she made cook and clean and my sisters never had too. I am the youngest of her 3 daughters. Sher just told me about 2 months ago that she could not come back around me because I was the devil and she was Jesus. And she told me if god could grant her one wish she would have only had Debbie, and not me. Now I am a mother of 3 and I could not ever even think of doing one of my kids like that. I am the only daughter who got married before I had any kids and the only one who is still married. I have been married for 13 years. To me I think I have done everything right, but to her I have done everything wrong. We have not spoken for 2 months, going on 3 What advise would you all give to me. Do you think I am wrong for not going around her?

    {moved from Introductions-<>}

    Hi Tammie, I am so sorry you feel like this, it's unusual because the youngest is often,the most favoured... the baby... let her have it she's only a baby, sinario springs to mind.
    You say your one of three but your Mum only mentions Debbie in her one wish! I'm just wondering where your other sister fits in this!

    Could it be that Debbie is the eldest of you three, the first born, a planned child, maybe the two pregnancies that came after were somehow a mistake, which maybe led to all kinds of difficulties within the family?. I don't see any mention of your Dad... how does he feel about all this?

    What on earth does she mean by saying that you are the devil and she Jesus!. did you ask her to explain what she meant by that ? This is such a ridiculous thing for a mother to say to her daughter, I can't quite see what she is implying.

    Tammie, I can only guess what is going on by the limited information that you have supplied, so please forgive me if I'm peddling up the wrong alley, it's quite clear that she has a deep rooted problem which needs to be brought to the fore before it can heal.

    NO MOTHER.. hates their children, it may seem like that sometimes, I'm not sure why she feels the way she does, but clearly, she is a troubled woman who could do with airing her thoughts and feelings to you girls, you are now adults and perhaps could get to the source of her pain and in turn heal each others. IF only you could find away of meeting each other half way... I know this is difficult because of the way she has treated you and your children, but I'm getting the feeling that she really doesn't want to be that way and would like to be part of her grandchildrens lives and yours, but maybe thinks it's just gone to far.

    THis whole situation is very sad, most are saying cut yourself off from her, how can you, she is your Mother, you only have one,don't give up just yet, try not to dwell on the past and try a new approach.. OK she may knock you down at the first hurdle, so what that's happened all your life, now it's your turn to take control and not be controlled.

    You don't have to go to her house, invite her round for a chat or maybe dinner or if your daring enough ask for her help regarding the kids, better still let them talk to her by phone... it's very difficult to say no to a child... make her feel like she's wanted.
    I know you'll be thinking, why should I after all she's done to me, but please have patience... keep asking, keep trying, eventually she might agree, then you'll know progress is being made... remember though your in control.

    Ask yourself honestly... do you really want to dismiss your Mum for the rest of your life

    Life is not a rehearsel
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    mimi03's Avatar
    mimi03 Posts: 201, Reputation: 45
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    #8

    Jul 7, 2008, 02:12 PM
    This must be a very hard thing to deal with but I hope that it has made you a better person!

    "She just told me about 2 months ago that she could not come back around me because I was the devil and she was Jesus."


    This statement makes me wonder if your mother may have a mental disorder?

    I cant imagine why any sane person would say such a thing, so maybe it is beyond her control to be this way towards you. And if so, you really shouldn't feel the need to live to impress or gain her love... because she is only a shell of what a mother should be.

    The only person we can control is ourselves: You could limit the stress by not being around her negativity BUT if you still feel a need to reach out to her write to her, send her holiday cards but Don't be in her presence if she can not be respectful and loving.

    Focus on yourself and family and be the best mom you can be, also remember if you are stressing about this it can and will effect other relationships around you... so dont allow it to taint what's good in your life.

    *Best Wishes*
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    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,839, Reputation: 2034
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    #9

    Jul 7, 2008, 02:20 PM
    She definitely has psychological problems.
    I can't remember the term for parents that treat their child like they are the devil, a demon, a curse or the black sheep.
    I remember in the late 80's a boy escaped out the bathroom window after his parents had kept him locked in there for years. They left him eat dog food out of the dogs bowl. He was skin and bones and looked like a 5 year old and he was around 10. He even had to sleep on the bathroom floor with no pillow or blanket.
    His parents said they did it because he was the curse of the family.
    Your mom obviously isn't that far gone but she could have a bit of that problem.

    If you can not have a nice mother daughter talk to resolve things then it is best you avoid her as much as possible for your own sanity.
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