Why does my 19 yr. old son hate me from divorce

Momdyinginside · #1 Oct 10, 2008, 06:00 PM

My son who I love unconditionally will be 19 next month and states "he hates me, and doesn't care if I live or die and to leave him the @#&* alone. This has been going on since the age of 11 during the divorce of his father and I. There is so much more to this and I am new to this type of on-line discussion, but it is slowly killing me.

liz28 · Oct 10, 2008, 09:14 PM

Sorry this is happening to you but not to make excuses for his behavior but maybe the divorce took a toll on him. However he is older now and it's no excuse to be mean to you. Maybe he needs counseling.

From the time your child is born you have unconditional love for them and it's sad when they grow up and treat you like "sugar honey ice tea", it's wrong. I can't gather how you feeling but sometimes you have to let go and hope that one day they will wake up and you can form some sought of relationship with them. You can always come on here for support and I wish things was different. Have you tried talking to him now and in the past?

Momdyinginside · Oct 12, 2008, 01:03 PM

Hello Liz,

Thank you for replying to my message. May I ask if you are a therapist? I noticed you have answered many, many help questions for so many.

Thanks!
D.

liz28 · Oct 12, 2008, 01:12 PM

No, I am not a therapist but my friends says I should be one. I just read your post and can understand what your going through and felt sorry that a child, well he's not one anymore, would treat they mother that way. I have a daughter and have a son on the way and can't think about them treating me that way when they get older.

SweetDee · Oct 15, 2008, 06:15 AM

Take yourself, with him, to coucelling. You're family is broken, it sounds. You both need to learn about eachother's feelings and how to get along. Learning about eachother will help you both w/ bounderies and will promote a positive relationship.

He's obviously angry... Maybe he's not clear on why or WHAT he's angry about.

A divorce often ends w/ the kids feeling anger. You both will benifit from seeking therapy so you both can figure out how to treat eachother.

There no excuse for him to be talking to his mother like this. I think therapy will introduce him to this fact as well as make you better at bounderies and respect, (not to say that you don't respect him, you'll see what I mean in therapy..).

Don't leave your relationship w/ your son like this. Life is too short not to at least have the love of your family...