ok so the time has come - my Mum & Step Dad have now spoken about the house. My step Dad has agreed to let my Mum keep the house (as I knew he would) however it means we have to take over the payments on the Morgage.

My mum cannot afford to do this and so has asked my older brother and I to pay £350 each per month to allow us to keep living there. She says that when Either my lder borther or I or both move out the house will have be sold and as a result she will give both my older brother and I a lump sum for all the money we put int the house.

My friend Kelly has just moved into a 2 bedroomed house and asked me to move in and be her house mate.

Bear in Mind I am 22yrs old!!

Kelly and I have known eachother since the age of 3yrs and would live to get perfectly. The house is just outside my home town in a small villiage and with rent and bills I can probably just and just afford it. Probably paying only a little more than £350 per month.

My dialemma ...

If I agree to pay my mum £350 toward the house, my older brother, myself, my younger brother and my mum get to carry on living as we are. However my older brother and I will still not claim any rights to the house even though we will be paying the bigger shares each month.

If I move in with Kelly, my mum has to sell the house, rehouse her and my little brother and my older brother will have to find himself his own place because he is not a dependant. my older brother is 23yrs and m,y younger brother is 9yrs.

what do you think?

DJ 'H'

I know you are right Jesushelper. Thats why I have decided to give my mum one more chance.

I will try to talk to her like a mture adult, will not raise my voice and tell her what I am prepared to do. She can then sit on it for a bit and see if she is prepared to compromise,

If not then I will tell Kelly I will move in with her and then leave my mum ect to sort themselves out!

DJ 'H'

well with a bit of luck she will have had time to think and cool down. The only thing I fear is her not listening and telling me to go away! - I don't have a relationship with my Dad because he rejected me and let me down. It would be hard to lose my Mum as well.

Atleast I know my Step-dad will always be there for me. He is about the only one not giving me any grief!

Krs

Good luck for this evening when u chat to your mum.
I hope all goes well for you xxx

DJ 'H'

well my phone signal has been down for the last 3hrs. I have just listen to my voicemails and there was a rather angry message from my mum asking me to call her. - I really don't want to face my mum now at all?!

Krs

talk to her and make give you a full explanation why she is so angry!

Jesushelper76

You can not control somebody elses reaction. It is a good idea to sit down with your mum and talk to her. Aslo as krs said you will be able to find out why she is so angry. It is better to have it out and figure things out. There is a good way and a bad way to do it. Yelling and screaming will not solve anything. Sometimes it happens and sometimes it is needed but cool heads will prevail.

Joe

Chery

Dear DJ. I hope with all my heart that you'll not be so hard on yourself, no matter what choice you make in the long-run.

Your mom should understand that she made a few mistakes in her life and that it's NOT her children's responsibility to fix them. She's the adult in this scenario and should act accordingly.

One should not pressure the children into feeling they should drop everything to ensure the comfort and convenience for something they had no power over in the first place.

She did not ask you permission when she picked your step-father; did not ask your permission to marry him; and certainly cannot blame any one of you because this relationship put her in a situation she is in now.

It's a parent's responsibility and duty to be there for the children, not the other way around. If she has to blame someone, she should have a good talk with your step-dad, and/or a lawyer to take care of financial issues instead of making you bear the burden of her frustrations.

I know this is not helping you get the issue solved, but you needed to know that you are not responsible for your mother's choices in life.

Wishing you the best with all my heart, Chery

valinors_sorrow

My parents divorced too but it was a pretty dysfuntional household long before that. I remember how hard it was, the confusion at times overwhelming, the deep sadness later.

Focus on who you are, DjH. I see a terrific person on that website even if your mum doesn't.

It will get better as you pull away and to establish your own independent life.

I send my sympathies to you meanwhile.

Krs

How did everything go last night with your mum?

DJ 'H'

well I got home last night to find I was being ignored.

My mum would not enter any room I was in to begin with and then when she did, I may very well have been invisable.

The thick dark cloud that surrounded her made me fail any attempt to talk to her. My nan was there and even she was being a little off with me and I could tell by her facial expression that my mum had obviously been talking me down!

However I kept quiet and just did my own thing!

I did however take something my Mum said and perhaps another option that had been overlooked and may very well be a possibility if I can actually get everyone to sit down and talk.

If the house gets sold then My mum and step Dad will take 50% of whatever is left once all expenses have been covered.

The house we bought nearly 4yrs ago has been done up so much that we will easily have added great value to the house.

Anyways with this in mind both my mum and step dad willhave enough money to put down a deposit on another, smaller house each.

Now if my mum take my older brother (Lee) to live with her and younger brother - then she can still get a smaller house in a cheaper area and with Lee paying rent she will live comfortably as will my two brothers.

Now my step-dad is on his own, if I was to go and live with him, he would not be on his own, would again have me paying rent and Jake would feel at home at either houses.

I would then get on much better with my Mum and older Brother and have the best of both worlds - that of living an independant life but still having a parental figure around.

The only problem I have is tryiong to get everyone to agree to this.

I think I will go and visit my Step-dad and see what he thinks and then see if he can suggest this to my Mum - seen as they are on better more amical termes than my Mum and I are at the moment.

The only thing I can see is my Mum is ging to think I am going against her rather than trying to help her! - not sure how I will get around that - but I guess it's worth a try.

Obviously selling houses and buying hiuses all take time - so on a temporary basis I could move in with Kelly! - I would then be out of the firing range; have the opportunity to work on my Mum to try and get some sort of relationship back - and relieve my stress levels and above all make my world a happier place for Pete to be.

I was in a much ahppier place with Pete last night - talking to all of you made that happen - so thank you for your support and for being here for me!

You are all fantastic people and I value each of you greatly xxx

hat do you all think?!