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Mae West · Apr 1, 2007, 05:24 PM

Hey All, Well this is gonna seem like an in depth story but I really need some help here. My sister got pregnant when she was 16. She had her daughter and then a year later became pregnant again with her son. Ever since she was pregnant with her daughter I have emotionally and financially provided for her and her children. I love them all very much. Her daughter is 5 now and her son is 4. Two years ago she met someone online and began to date him. He would come here for a week or so at a time and they fell in love. She married this man in early March. She is 5 months pregnant with twins.. They are his.. Now we all live together. I have been supporting her and the kids so I have not been able to save any money up to move out plus they asked me to stay on and help when the twins come.. Most of the time we all get along and everything works out.. I am having a hard time to deal with the discipline that he gives the kids. I'm not sure what is normal for a step father to do. He seems to have a hot temper when it comes to the kids.. He was a soldier and spent over 2 years in Iraq.. He has been diagnosed with PTSD...but what worries me is that they are not his kids.. I'm afraid he doesn't have that alarm that goes off and says "hey these are my kids" and i don't want them to get hurt.. So every time he spanks them my sister and I get into an argument.. We have raised the kids in a certain way and now everything is different.. He is very strict.. We hardly ever spank the kids and it is his first disciplinary action.. Am i being over sensitive?? I don't know what to do.. I would appreciate any advise!! Thank you

ScottGem · Apr 1, 2007, 05:50 PM

I think you need to get all of you into some sort of counseling. I'm not concerned about a "there aren't my kids" attitude. While I'm not against spanking in certain circumstances, using that as first point of discipline is a red flag. Probably this guy was raised by a father who used corporal punishment and doesn't know any better. But he needs to learn this isn't acceptable.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 1, 2007, 05:54 PM

It it is merely a spanking, a few swats, that is a normal displine thing done, while I do suggest time out, nose in the corner first, at times a few swats does a lot of good. This could have been the way he was raised or the customs he was used to.

If it is just a swat I would not be to worried,

Now of course he needs to get treated for his PTSD, and the issues of two kids already and twins on the way causes a lot of stress also.

misslala · Apr 2, 2007, 08:54 AM

I think if you are feeling uncomfortable there is a reason for it. It's good that you haven't moved out yet, although I know it's hard on you, but at least you're there to witness and intervene if need be, although it is causing aruguments between you and your sister. If you think that something is wrong it probably is. You should always trust your instincts. Maybe your sister is so happy to have found this guy that she isn't going to see when something is amiss (or doesn't want to see). If you think it's getting worse you should definitely talk to your sister outside of him being around and tell her your worries in a non-confrontational way. It's the kids that are important, and although they should respect their step father's authority, it doesn't mean that they should be harshly punished, especially as young as they are. Don't be the person that wishes they had stopped something bad before it happens!

Mae West · Apr 2, 2007, 01:18 PM

Thank you everyone for your advise. I don't plan to leave anytime soon and so I am just going to go with my gut. If he gets out of hand I will step in. I mean I feel I have some say. I raised them for 5 years.. Maybe after a while he will cool out. I will keep everyone posted as far as how things are going.. Thanks again! :)