[trip80504]

My father took his own life when I six. At the time, I was told it was due an allergic reaction to medication he was on. Actually, that was the story until I was 26 when my father's sister told my younger brother. I've suffered from depression on and off since my adolescence, but this most recent about, that's been being treated with citalopram and trazodone, has left me feeling enraged at my family keeping the truth from me. My relationship with my wife and my son is very positive, but my other familial relationships are in trouble. Any suggestions?

[QLP]

Have you had any counselling so far? I think you could do with talking these issues through with a professional. That's quite a thing to come to terms with, though I imagine it was kept from you as the family felt you were too young to deal with it.

[dontknownuthin]

Forgive them. It would be very, very difficult to tell a 6 year old that their father committed suicide and I'm not entirely sure it would even be appropriate for such a young child. Once the other story was told, it was hard for your family to reopen the wound.

Your whole family was traumatized and probably still are. Put yourself in the position of having a 6 year old in your care who's father killed himself - imagine the pain of that situation and how you would handle it. Because you have personal experience with this perhaps you would handle it better, but they didn't have your perspective at the time. Consider why they would tell you the story they did - to spare you hurt.

You ended up hurt anyway, but they tried to protect you from that hurt. Right or wrong, the intentions were noble.

As for your own depression, advise your counselor that there's suicide in your history and to be very careful with your medications. And even though this is an old loss, it's not ever too late to get support in grieving. There are support groups for people who have lost family to suicide and I strongly suggest you give it a try - may not be for you, but might and it's worth an hour of your time to check it out.

But yeah - I'd forgive them, appreciate that they were trying to protect you from hurt and horror, and understand that they are human. I'd probably even thank them for trying to protect your feelings and ask them to try to understand what a shock this has been for you to learn after all these years.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, forgive them, you would have done about the same in your case. The "truth" is often in how it is looked at.
Also even if was the case, it seems odd that your aunt would tell a younger brother for some reason now. If your aunt is not lying, and that is the truth, perhaps your family may should have said something a little earlier, but may have never found or thought it was a good time

[looking4others]

Forgive them if and when you're ready. You're likely dealing not just with the lack of honesty (I'm sure they did what they thought was best for you at the time) but also betrayal. No one wants to call it that when you're talking about family, but it is what it is. I agree with the counseling suggestions. I found out when I was 26 that I had a different biological father. I recently created a website for others like me (finding stuff out like that later in life) because I got tired of people telling me to just get over it. Of course I wanted to get over it, but it's hard when you're dealing with broken trust by those you love and trust the most. Good for your aunt - I bet she wanted to tell you guys the truth all along and I'm guessing your family was just trying to protect you. No one talked about these things back in the day.