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MistyGurl · Dec 20, 2006, 10:53 AM

So I dated this guy on and off for 4 years and I was so in love with him even though he treated me really bad, whenever we went out on dates he always made me pay he paid only like 3 times in the whole time that we dated. On his birthdays and holidays I always got him big things and in between I was always giving him money to help him out and gifts here and there but he not only never did anything back in return for me but he rarely ever thanked me either. Well we also worked together and he would talk to me but he made it clear that our relationship was to be very secretive. Well in the 4 years that we were together he cheated on my twice and never told me that he loved me or even cared for me for that matter but through it all I did not even care I was just so in love with him, well finnaly one day I got sick of it all and told him that I loved him but that he was hurting me well the response from him was... I wish that you were not like like this and don't tell me you love me cause it scares me... well that really hurt me! So I just stopped talking to him. It has been 6 months now and just a couple days ago he comes up out of the blue and wants to see me! On top of that he tells me that he is busy and will probably be living out of his garage! I just don't know what to do I am so torn up inside a part of me really really wants to see him and talk to him again but another part of is screaming NO NO NO and then there are my friends and family who hate him! I am just at a loss...

J_9 · Dec 20, 2006, 10:58 AM

Did I really read that you are contemplating going back with him!?

He does not care for anyone but himself. He was using you to get what he wanted, money, gifts, maybe sex even!!

What was his reason for the relationship to be secretive? This is not a relationship at all.

It sounds as though he may have some underlying problems that you need to run away from as fast as you can.

This was not nor will it ever be a healthy relationship. Keep your distance and move on.

Wildcat21 · Dec 20, 2006, 11:00 AM

Are you insane?

For the love of god!! - go to a dictionary - look up the owrd JERK!! His picture is there!

Get rid of this MASSIVE LOSER!! Hello??

Wake up!!

Are you really this dumb?

manimuth · Dec 20, 2006, 11:04 AM

Please do not go back! Concentrate your energy and attention on other things, preferably to better yourself (mentally, physically, financially, whatever). Please work on your own self worth and self esteem.. you deserve much better!! Pleeease do not sell yourself short. Move on and move up honey!

talaniman · Dec 20, 2006, 12:58 PM

Do not contact him or let him contact you. He is a user and you know it so what's the point in letting him back in your life.

justjamestx · Dec 21, 2006, 01:07 AM

The part of you screaming NO NO NO,, its your brain, I would listen to it. If you have any doubts at all, just re-read your own post as if were someone else's, what would you post? Then take your own suggestion of something to the affect "NO WAY" and post it on a post-it note all around your room as little reminders.

You already know the answer, now just listen to yourself!!

Wildcat21 · Dec 21, 2006, 09:27 AM

Sorry - didn't mean to be so harsh... but this is zero reason to ever have anything to do with guy who treats you so badly.

Coming up next from him I suspect are lies that he will treat you better.

Keeo this person out of your life.

mewaqua · Dec 21, 2006, 10:15 AM

Originally Posted by MistyGurl

So I dated this guy on and off for 4 years and I was so in love with him even though he treated me really bad, whenever we went out on dates he always made me pay he payed only like 3 times in the whole time that we dated. On his birthdays and holidays I always got him big things and in between I was always giving him money to help him out and gifts here and there but he not only never did anything back in return for me but he rarely ever thanked me either. well we also worked together and he would talk to me but he made it clear that our relationship was to be very secretive. well in the 4 years that we were together he cheated on my twice and never told me that he loved me or even cared for me for that matter but through it all I did not even care I was just so inlove with him, well finnaly one day I got sick of it all and told him that I loved him but that he was hurting me well the response from him was... i wish that you were not like like this and dont tell me you love me cause it scares me.... well that really hurt me! so I just stoped talking to him. It has been 6 months now and just a couple days ago he comes up out of the blue and wants to see me! On top of that he tells me that he is busy and will probably be living out of his garage! I just dont know what to do I am so torn up inside a part of me really really wants to see him and talk to him again but another part of is screaming NO NO NO and then there are my friends and family who hate him! I am just at a loss...

You need to talk to him about it and if he really really hurts your feeling you need to give him up there are lots of guys there that really cares about you maybe he is just there you don't deserve a guy like him you deserve beter.

MistyGurl · Dec 21, 2006, 06:00 PM

So I finally told him not to contact me anymore it was the hardest thing ever and I have been crying all day long I still love him but I know that he would just keep hurting me again and again and things would just be so much worse. Now I just need a little advice on how to start making the pain go away...

s_cianci · Dec 21, 2006, 06:17 PM

I don't blame your friends and family for hating him. He's a user and a cheater. You were smart for not having anything to do with him for the past 6 months. You need to go right on not having anything to do with him. You'll only end up getting hurt. Stay away from this guy for good.

manimuth · Dec 21, 2006, 06:19 PM

EXPECT it to be hard and painful but stay strong! Get rid of things that remind you of him. Erase his number from your phone. Avoid seeing him at all if possible. Go out with your friends and have a great time. Distract yourself with hobbies. Volunteer and help others. Get a new hair cut. Better yourself. Go to the gym. If you're a student, study hard. Set small goals and meet them. Talk to God when you feel alone and like no one understands.
And the next time you run into him, don't bat an eye, and even if its killing you inside, hum a song in your head and walk away, swinging you butt, head held high, and without a look back...
Wishing you good luck and strength.