[zoi]

We were together for 6 months  
He is 23 I am 29  We started living together into his house after the first month (with his mother) Things seemed to be pretty much wonderful at the beginning  We were very much in love His best friend liked me long time ago and at my opinion he couldn't bear not only the rejection but me being with his best friend
He started accusing me to my boyfriends mother and after a while all of his friends and family started to consider me as a beach who was trying to manipulate their boy My love didn't seem to pay attention to all these at the beginning but after a month things were getting worse
His mother even threatened to leave him and his friends were really distant he started feeling in the middle of a situation very difficult for him to choose side
He decided to leave me and go on with his life maybe because after all I was the less important person to him Maybe just because he is young he couldn't stand up on his own Maybe he is just too tired and sick with the whole situation I don't know
I made mistakes I have to admit that such as leaving to his house with his mother like I hadn't had a house, or that I didn't push him too much to go out more with his friends, and when the situation got worst I didn't talk to his mother or friends just to let them know my point of view and my intentions and the most terrible thing I gave him a hard time when everyone in his life did it.
Its now 4 weeks that we are separated
We broke up Friday and the next day was my birthday He called me and arrange with me dinner.. We spent the weekend together because I asked him to stay with me.. He said he loved me very much that he will always be by my side and that he may come back to me as soon as he figures out things He made contact all week with messages like good morning my love goodnight sweetheart and he made me a few phone calls too that I didn't reply I didn't really replied to his messages either except twice by only saying good morning and the other that I am afraid of getting more and more hurt Tuesday to Friday again I replied to his message telling me that he loved me by telling him that I loved him too He came to my house begging me to open and of course I did.. We spent the day together but at the end he said he still didn't want to be with me and that was wrong to give me hope because he was honestly didn't know if he ever could come back We argued and I asked him to leave and never come back
Two days later I called him and we said that we will love each other and that we will always be at the others side But not be together of course He started sending messages again like I want to hug you and I miss you but I didn't reply
End of second week Friday again I went to his house a left a note saying I miss you and he called me and we met Next day was Easter and we decided to spent the holiday together
His mother god mad and we started talking again about us He said its over that we should probably stop contact that I better accept the situation and move on that he is not going to change his mind although its hard for him not to be with me and he still wants me.
We spent the night together and the morning he was rude so I left without even say good bye.. He called me about 15 times he even sent a message saying  ~sorry I was rude in the morning I just wanted to say to my mother that I won't go with her to my aunts house and spend the day with you.. sorry I keep hurting you~
I didn't reply or contact two days later he sent a message to cancel a pre scheduled appointment with a doctor but I didn't reply A whole week passed without contact each other and yesterday I was passing by with an old friend close to his house and I decided to go and leave him his favourite lighter that I have recently found As soon as we parked our car he came to the window I don't really know if he saw us because it was dark he was talking to the phone and wasn really paying attention.. I couldn't be sure thought We made another round and I saw him dancing with his best friend thing that means that he was probably drunk
I don't know if he did see me after all but I sent a message to him saying ~Have I ever told you that every time I see you I forget about everything? I found your lighter.. I wanted to give it you; Bad idea! Have fun and take care~ He didn't reply and that's the whole story Please advise me
I love him so much I want as to be togetherAt least have a second chance and see if we can work things out together
I don't know how to deal with him I don't know how to get close to him talk to him persuade him I don't even know If I am after something that will never come back and as close I go as far as he runs away
:'(

[viking]

Please don't take this the wrong way but it sounds as though you both are behaving very immaturely. If you want to have a chance with him then I suggest that you call him and tell him that you are in trouble and you need his help. Plan a meeting because the phone is not appropriate. Ask him how he feels about you and tell him how you feel about him. Then either tell him that even if you two date othher people and take a beak from each other that you still want him in the end. Perhaps a break is what you two need. Or you can try to tell him that other people shouldn't be affecting the outcome of your relationship.

Either way you need to speak with him in person and get a better understanidng of whhat he wants. You might also try bringing his friend to the conversatin and telling him that you are sorry if you embarrassed him or were ruse to him but that you would like to be friends with him as well. This might heal things between you and your man.

[zoi]

Thank you so much for replying to me Viking. I was getting hopeless here. Actually I did that move to meet him two days ago but I couldn't say to him that I still want him. I said that I understand why we broke up that even if he hadn't asked me to I would sooner or later. I said that I love him and I miss him of course but that I am trying to get over it. He was very carrying towards me he kissed me although he said he knew it was wrong, he said that he is always there for me and when I asked why he had to leave so soon he said that if we stay longer together we will do things that we don't want more specific not things that we don't want but we shouldn't implying of course kissing, touching and so on.

After he left I called his mother and asked her to see me. She agreed. I told her that me and her son won't be together anymore as a couple and that I would like to apologize to her for any inconvenience I have caused her and that even I feel hurt from her behavior I am not angry with her I understand her and I that I would be grateful to have her in my life no matter what has happened. She hugged me and said that the problem was with her son and not with me she said that she didn't really want to hurt me and that she was very much appreciate all the things I have done for her and her son. He accused her son of being immature and she implied that she is very disappointed with his way of living. (Drinking and not having very good friends).

She told me that her son accused her of being the reason of our broke up but I said that it wasn't her fault. We all know what has happened here but I felt like I had to reassure her somehow about everything.

Later I sent to my love a message saying that I made up with mom please try to do the same. He didn't reply. An hour later I called him but he didn't answered and then I sent him a message saying to him that when you refuse love and life as an action of love someday you will understand that you lost. And that he should find more serious goals in his life and avoid bad friends and drinking.

I know he might be angry with me now but I felt like doing that. I was thinking about asking him to meet again after few days and try to see each other secretly not as a couple but as friends. I was thinking that if he agrees to see me again and keep seeing me this may work because we will understand if we still want to be together and if yes we will make our relationship stronger before let his family and friends know about it.

The first problem here is that I don't know if I am thinking right and the second that I am afraid so much of not agreeing to see me again after all. Is there a point of making him jealous somehow? Do you think that I have messed things up again? That there is any hope for us to be together again? I am so confused!

[mtybaldone]

I think that what you have here, is a boy is not yet ready to become a man. He is 23, yet he is living at home and is still all about his mom. He probably does care about you very much, but feels that it is more important for him to party with his budies, than to be with you. At 23, it is understandable. 23 year old guys have a lot of growing up to do.
I think that he is still attracted to you, sexaully, but sees the relationship as a burden, something that keeps him away from his friends and his partying.
Give him space, let him sow his wild oats, and don't contact him anymore.
It is time to let him go and try to get on with your life. He is just not ready for the relationship you are ready for.