[intensive]

Hi everyone,

Your advice on this difficulty I have would be appreciated. I have been seeing this guy for the past 4 months. He is a good person and the best I have met in a long time in that he is honest and reliable. When we first met we both lived in the same country and saw each other every wkd. Then I moved abroad (a 1 hour flight from where he lives) because of work reasons. We both agreed to keep in contact and see what would happen. However when we did discuss this I noticed that he became distant. I asked him about this and he said that he did not want a serious relationship and this would have to be a lighthearted relationship for the time being anyway. I have been abroad 6 weeks now and this guy has been ringing approx 3 times per week. The conversation can be awkward and good at other times. I spent the last weekend with him and we had a lovely and fun time together however some things in our chats have made me worry such as when he had 3 drinks on him he told me that he loved me and that he really cared for me however when I asked him to explain himself he said that it was a slip of the tongue. Then several hours later I asked him if he liked me and he said that he did but did not go beyond discussing this further. I asked him if he saw me as a girlfriend and he said no as we had did not have enough of an emotional bond there between us and also the fact that we did not have enough of a solid foundation for him to honestly say this. I was disappointed with his answer but I do agree with what he said. Then again I told him that I would be home again in a few weeks and if he was free would he like to meet up with me. He said that it would be a weekend that he was doing something with his dad and that he would be too tired to see me. As you can imagine I was hurt by his comment but did not say anything because it really didn't hit me what he had said until later after I had left, however I did tell him that if we are to give things a chance we need to spend some time together. I mentioned about spending sometime together at christmas when I would be home for a long period and if he would be interested in doing that. I pressed him for an answer and he said that he would organise this. I feel dubious about this as he was pressured for an answer. The only thing I can say in his favour is that he has been 100% reliable and honest in what he has said and done to date and that this may happen. Since my return he has been incontact through texting me but no calls so far which is fine at the minute. Anyway what I'm asking is do I hang on and give this guy a chance and chill or has he told me very plainly that he is not interested. Many thanks for reading and giving me your response.

Regards.

[valinors_sorrow]

I am not sure what to say here because too much frank conversation took place sooner than I would be have been comfortable with it and I sense he may be cut of the same cloth. There is no way to tell if moving away or if moving too fast emotionally has nixed the deal but both are certainly on the table now-- it has those tones to it. If I were you I would back up, slow down and leave the moves to him. Its like ballroom dancing where you follow his lead... unless that's too old fashioned for you. But I can tell you I would have applied some brakes if I had been asked to define my relationship with someone I have only been seeing for four months. If you have to ask "do you consider me your girlfriend?" -- its pretty good odds you aren't and asking that doesn't help you get there either from what I have seen. I think out of your understandable enthusiasm, you rushed it and unfortunately that nearly always turns out to be fatal, sooner or later. Time will tell but only if you let him lead.

[intensive]

Hi Valinors sorrow,

Thank you so much for your answer as I do agree with what you have said. I do have a tendency to rush things in relationships as I do feel insecure at times about relationships. This guy has been straight with me and yes I have to take things slower. From now on I will let things take their natural course with him and let him take the lead. I will be more patient because I do think he is worth giving things a try with. Your advice has probably been the most honest I have had to date so appreciate it bigtime.

[talaniman]

It sounds like this is a careful, thoughtful ,and honest guy, so be patient, and just enjoy each other, as you get to know each other. 4 months is not a lot of time to be making forever plans, and to know if you love someone. Have fun and be patient and not so pushy.

[cameron1331]

I think you should try to just be nice and break up with him because it sounds like he is in it for the love . Check with other people before taking my advice though.and do what you think you should do