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wieczorek · Jul 15, 2006, 11:36 AM

My mom lives in California. Dad passed away three years ago and it is just my sister and I and mom. I live in Wyoming, my sister in CA. My mom has my sister at her becken call and won't allow her to have a life with her son. Mom is very abusive to my sister and my sister is always calling us to have someone to talk to, which we don't mind. My mom is very mean, controlling and, as already mentioned, abusive. She talks to my sister in a very disrespectful way and tells her she needs her for everything. But when we offered to come out there and help mom, she acts totally different to me, i.e. very nice, don't need help, all is well, etc.
What we are wanting to know is can the state of California step in and take over by putting her in a home, or something, if my mom keeps "severely" complaining about her pain, being abusive, it's verbal abuse, and keeps playing the "I can't do anything on my own" card with my sister? She doesn't act that way with me, at all.
Can you help us with information on California law concerning this?
Thank you very much for your time and we look forward to hearing from you.

CaptainForest · Jul 15, 2006, 02:24 PM

I am assuming that your sister is over 18.

What your mother really needs is a good reality check.

Your sister needs to stand up to her.

Tell her she can help, but only in moderation.

Tell her it is not the child's responsibility to take care of the mother.

I saw an episode just like this on Judge Judy.

Judge Judy basically ripped into the mother saying it was not the child's responsibility to take care of the mother and that the mother needs to grow up.

What would she do if your sister wasn't around?

She would manage, and there might be a need for some tough love.

But, until your sister will do something, nothing will change.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 15, 2006, 04:01 PM

Yes, you don't need to put her in a home ( unless she can't take care of herself) and even then, you should see if there is home healt aides that would be available. In GA and in TN, the elderly can get someone to come in several hours a day to do various things for them.

But the main problem is your sister merely allows herself to be abused.
If she just says NO, sorry mom can't do that, but I will do this or that latter.
Sorry mom, but I have to do this with my own family today.

As long as your sister is her slave, she will allow her to be.