[haitiano12]

Almost two years, I departed from this bad relationship. I was abused and took for granted by this girl. I mean she really hurt me. I don't know if it's closure I need or what, but whenever I hear her name a very small part of me feel for her. On the other hand, a huge part of me can't stand her, especially when I remember the kind of things she put me through. My questions are: 1) How do I get her out of my mind? And 2) what do I have to do to erase some of the grudges I have for her inside of my heart?

[JBeaucaire]

To truly get over someone you were more attached to than they were to you, well, that takes a stronger relationship. The time you spend reminiscing about her is keeping you rom focusing on your future.

You'll need to be pragmatic and accept that you felt what you felt, but feelings aren't in control of your mind unless you step aside and let them. You need to be smarter than your uncontrollable feelings.

Make sure you're still in the game, out there doing the work to make it possible for you to meet and start a relationship with a future "maybe Mrs. Right", OK?

You'll never forget how you felt about the old Miss Wrong, but it will become less painful when you start a REAL bond with one of the good girls out there.

[Allheart]

Almost two years, I departed from this bad relationship. I was abused and took for granted by this girl. I mean she really hurt me. I don't know if it's closure I need or what, but whenever I hear her name a very small part of me feel for her. On the other hand, a huge part of me can't stand her, especially when I remember the kind of things she put me through. My questions are: 1) How do I get her out of my mind? and 2) what do I have to do to erase some of the grudges I have for her inside of my heart?

Hi Haitiano -

When you hear her name, that feeling in your heart... could be the sadness that she made you feel and the deep hurt... don't confuse it with love.

Sometimes when we hurt so bad in our heart, we have a tendency to try and replace the pain, by telling ourselves its love.

So, I don't think it is love or hate - just a wound that remains open and is stimulated upon hearing her name. All very normal.

I have great hope for you though, as you ask just the right questions:

1) How do you get her out of your mind (and heart) - ?

Great question - Pick one thing that you haven't done in a while, that you love doing, and has nothing to do with her... and go and do it! Do something good for you. Join a club or activity or group. Get busy be better to yourself.

2) what do I have to do to erase some of the grudges I have for her inside of my heart?[/

Forgive her. Truly forgive her. Set a time aside, where you can be quiet, and all those things that caused you pain, in you heart of hearts, forgive her and let it go. If it takes writing a note to her ( BUT DO NOT SEND IT... OKAY... DO NOT SEND IT :), and cleansing yourself from the pain, that do that.

I am counting on you to take good care of yourself. I have all the confidence in you that you will be feel better very soon just based on the questions that you asked.

You know what it takes to get better and are willing to try. Good for you.

Chin up - there are many brighter days waiting for you -

My best to you,
Allheart