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Aletay · Sep 18, 2007, 06:47 PM

I have a 26 year old son, who has had a less than favorable childhood, served 4 years in the Marines ( 1 which was served in Iraq) , got out about 6 months ago and is on a downward spiral. He definitely has a drinking problem and emotional problems that go back to his childhood and his less than loving mother. I being his Dad like to think I have been there for him but lately he just seems emotionally detached. He is living in Texas with his girlfriend and his child but she has had enough and kicked him out. He drinks all night and sleeps all day and is down right nasty. We recently visited them and he has no ambition to do anything and when you try and get him to do something he gets out of control. He is a very loving person but lately that side of him is far and few in between. Im afraid for him because he get in these moods and gets this crazy look in his eyes like he is looking right through you. He also has a really nasty temper when he is drinking and I'm afraid for him, that he will either hurt himself or hurt someone else (it hasn't gotten to that but I'm afraid it just might . I can't sit around and not do anything. Do you know if I can have my son committed?? Or if there is anything I can do cause right now he just won't help himself. Sleepless in New Jersey.

statictable · Sep 19, 2007, 04:18 PM

You can't but he can (commitment). He'll not be interested in seeking such so the next step will include his wife's presence. She will have to be with him at home while he's drinking and in one of his moods. Then if he makes any verbal or physical threats, his wife will call 911 and report domestic violence in which case the police must arrest him. He'll be released on bail but will have to attend a court hearing. His wife will also file for a restraining order (no contact). Your son will be required to have counseling for anger management and alcohol addiction. If problems increase after he's arrested he could be committed for 24 to 48 hours with extensions if needed. Hang in there and let the "system" work in everyone's favor.

star3114 · Sep 19, 2007, 04:30 PM

Having many family members that have been in the military, your sound sounds like he is suffering from affter effects of his service. It sounds like that is compounding his original childhood issues. People in the military see things that we can't even fathom. They are trained to not to feel or reason, because if they do... it will be their grave on the side of the road. I would suggest researching post traumatic stress disorder. Also, find a good psychologist that specializes in people that have been in the service. You may be best served by looking in the private sector for this. Good luck!

br_hjs · Sep 19, 2007, 04:35 PM

I just wanted to say that my brother was in the marines and just got out 2 months ago. He also was in iraq. My brother almost shot my sister yesterday... ever since he's been home he's been really violent. Is there a certain thing in his life that is bothering him that makes him this way. Such as maybe his girlfriend cheating or anything like that. Not saying that she is I'm just giving an example.

Aletay · Sep 19, 2007, 05:52 PM

I appreciate you all taking the time out to answer my question, all your answers are very helpful. It is kind of late for getting him arrested because he girlfriend already called the Sherrifs dept to have him removed from the house but he had already left and she was told to call again if he returns. So we will see!! As for him getting himself help I don't think that will happen because he actually thinks that everything he is doing is OK and that people owe him something. I have been reading up on the post traumatic dissorder but that lies in him wanting to help himself also, he is really just not ready to admit anything is wrong and when he does it is only for a very short period before he reverts back to his nasty self. I really couldn't tell you what he is thinking at all and I don't think it has anything to do with his girlfriend because she has been nothing but supportive and helpful until this point. She has opened her home to him and has given him every chance in the book to get help. I do believe it is a combination of the Military and his abusive mother as a child. Once again thank you for your answers.

firmbeliever · Sep 19, 2007, 07:04 PM

1 in 8 returning soldiers suffers from PTSD - Mental Health - MSNBC.com
You might like to read this,your son is not alone in not seeking help.

Also this
Returning from the War Zone: A Guide for Families of Military Personnel - (National Center for PTSD)

Aletay · Sep 20, 2007, 06:47 AM

I will definitely check this out! Thank you.

statictable · Sep 20, 2007, 08:11 PM

Originally Posted by Aletay

I appreciate you all taking the time out to answer my question, all your answers are very helpful. It is kinda late for getting him arrested because he girlfriend already called the Sherrifs dept to have him removed from the house but he had already left and she was told to call again if he returns. So we will see!!! As for him getting himself help I dont think that will happen because he actually thinks that everything he is doing is ok and that people owe him something. I have been reading up on the post traumatic dissorder but that lies in him wanting to help himself also, he is really just not ready to admit anything is wrong and when he does it is only for a very short period of time before he reverts back to his nasty self. I really couldnt tell you what he is thinking at all and I dont think it has anything to do with his girlfriend because she has been nothing but supportive and helpful until this point. She has opened her home to him and has given him every chance in the book to get help. I do believe it is a combination of the Military and his abusive mother as a child. Once again thank you for your answers.

Best wishes.

Klaipeda · Sep 27, 2007, 03:00 AM

Originally Posted by Aletay

I have a 26 year old son, who has had a less than favorable childhood, served 4 years in the Marines ( 1 which was served in Iraq) , got out about 6 months ago and is on a downward spiral. He definitely has a drinking problem and emotional problems that go back to his childhood and his less than loving mother. I being his Dad like to think I have been there for him but lately he just seems emotionally detatched. He is living in Texas with his girlfriend and his child but she has had enough and kicked him out. He drinks all night and sleeps all day and is down right nasty. We recently visited them and he has no ambition to do anything and when you try and get him to do something he gets out of control. He is a very loving person but lately that side of him is far and few in between. Im afraid for him because he get in these moods and gets this crazy look in his eyes like he is looking right thru you. He also has a really nasty temper when he is drinking and I'm afraid for him, that he will either hurt himself or hurt someone else (it hasnt gotten to that but I'm afraid it just might . I can't sit around and not do anything. Do you know if I can have my son committed???? Or if there is anything I can do cause right now he just wont help himself. Sleepless in New Jersey.

You cannot help, he has to del with his issues himself. It is painfull to you but there's nothing you can do. He is grown up and is responsible for his actions and his life .