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Location: In the place with the things and the people
Posts: 57
She's my bestfriend and i hate her!
My best friend has hung out with me since year six, now in year ten, and i'm sick of her.
She gets mad at me for stupid little reasons, like not being her partner in PE or not talking to her for ten minutes because i'm talking to someone else!
She thinks that she should be the center of MY world!
If i'm in the middle of a conversation with someone, she'll come along and try to get my attention, if i say wait, she'll go in a huff and not speak to me for the rest of the day!
And she refuses to GROW UP! she acts like a baby and speaks like a child that can't have their own way, and she was mistaken for my mother once!
She gets angry at me if i go shopping with other friends and not with her, i dont go because i dont want to be with her anymore! and when i'm starting to make new friends, or liking something else that she doesnt, she tries to real me back! (sp?)
It's like i'm her property!
Worst of all she has no other friends, and people bully her because she is so BIG! (both ways, height and weight)
Sometimes i wish she'd just go back to her old school and back to all her old friends, she sounds way more popular in the past with them!
There are times when i'm glad she's there, but all of my other friends agree that she is slowing me down in life, and that i should just ditch her.
I dont want to shoo her away completely, i have another 3 or 4 years with her for crying out loud! but i do wish she'd let ME go and get on with life.
What should i do? it's wrecking my other relationships.
First, I don't think there should be height and weight requirements to be someone's friend. If your friends are unkind to her, you should be upstanding enough to speak up for her to them, even if she annoys you in other ways. You should let them know, quite firmly, that you are not going to stop being friends with her because of her size, nor are you going to be weighing them!
Secondly, you should not be mad at someone simply because they like you and value the friendship and your presence in their life.
Finally, you can certainly have some boundaries but she probably senses she's getting dumped by you and it sounds like you don't have much compassion. work on that. Do you really want to dump a good friend, or do you just want to have some balance?
I totally hear you on the balance situation. I would tell her the following if I were in your shoes:
-I value your friendship and I want to keep it. Lately I've felt really badly because I know you want more from me and you seem to resent my other friendships, but I need to grow in my own way and can't worry about whether or not you will like it.
-I'm excited also that I'm meeting a lot of new people and making a lot of new friends. It's fun, and I don't want to stop.
-I have to pick my own friends, and I can't worry about whether you get along with them or like them...I just have to kow you like me enough to trust my judgement, and know that we aren't always going to get on with the same people. You don't have to like my friends, but you cannot make me choose, either.
-Right now I feel like I'm more than a friend to you...that too much of your happiness is reliant on our friendship. It's more pressure than I can handle, so I want you to also make some new friends and find some new interests. If you stay in the same mode and don't make any new friends or grow in other ways, I am going to outgrow our friendship. -You need to grow with me.
If that doesn't work, you need to be kind but just do what you need to do. Don't ever say a bad word about her, or let others do that in your presence. You can have some class about ending an outgrown friendship and just let her know, "we talked about this before, and it's just not working for me. I feel too much pressure, and I'm not ready for that. I'm young, too and I can't be responsible for your happiness."
If she argues that your changing or whatever, you can just agree and say, "I hope you still like me, but I'm going to change...I'm young." If she bashes your new friends, just tell her you dno't want to hear bad things from them about her, or about them from her.
If she doesn't stop, you will just have to stop discussing it with her and do your own thing.
How you want to turn out as an adult is outlined in lacuran's post. It may feel weird to follow that advise, but it's the grown-up thing to learn to do. You have been cliqueing with your new friends. It may feel good, but it lacks balance.
By the way, the way you used real, meaning reel you in, is a term related to fishing and reeling in the fish with your reel.
i know exactly how you feel. i have this one "friend" who just doesn't go away. like, i've come home late at nite to find her hanging out with my family and she literally won't leave. and she's invited herself to stay at my house a few times. she doesnt have any other friends and my real friends don't like her either. she's a control freak. super clingy, like in an almost creppy, stalkerish way. but i can't get rid of her because if i try talking to her she either a) starts crying (she's even had a panic attack) or b) assumes i'm having a bad day and that everything is fine the next day. and i never know how she's going to react. she's completely unpredicatable, like one day if you complement her she'll be thrilled and the next time she'll freak out and go on about how you're just saying it to be nice but really you're lying so it's mean. i've tried avoiding her too. but she just keeps coming back. i thought i would get rid of her finally when she moved across the country a year ago. nope. she still emails all the time. and if i don't reply she emails my family. and then emails me more. and then invites herself over more. so i don't really have any advice for you. but you're not alone. let me know if you have any luck making you're relationship better
Location: In the place with the things and the people
Posts: 57
It's getting to a point where i'm embarrassed to be seen with her, and i really want to fix that.
I used to have a problem with one of my other best friends, and then we struck an idea to sort it.
I only just remembered it today and suggested it. "The serious talk."
A serious talk is where we talk one on one, no interruptions, about what we dislike about and why.
But we couldn't have one because my other friends are nosey and hyper.
So i suggested we each write a letter to each other (My other friend is annoyed of her too and feels our arguments leave her abandoned). but she said she couldnt write about this sort of thing, but i worked around it and now she's going to e-mail me, and i'll reply.
Hopefully that will sort it out, but if it doesn't, i really cannot keep going on like this.
She told me today that i should ask her why she is mad. I do, but she doesnt speak to me so i give up and go do something that'll cheer me up but it just makes her mood worse, and i can't help her.
Location: In the place with the things and the people
Posts: 57
I told our form Teacher to talk to her about me, then give me feedback.
She doesnt get uncomfortable about talking to teachers about her personal life, in fact she includes some of them as her friends (another thing i dislike about her)
After they had a talk, i went to see her at lunch to see how it went.
She was furious with me! she said that Mr M (our teacher) had told her that she had issues with her mam and dad (divorced) and she had to go to student guidance.
It wasnt my fault at all! i told her that the meeting was about us! it wasnt my fault if she went and talked about her family instead! she tried to blame me for something i didnt do!
I'm having a meeting with Mr M next week, i've already told him that she was mad at me, and he said he only suggested to go to student guidance.
She is getting ridiculous!
Location: In the place with the things and the people
Posts: 57
I'm not sure.
I'm in her english, PHSCE and PE lessons, i sit right next to her! So i dont want to be on bad terms with her or she may hurt me. (this is true! she hit me today when she was mad at me to try and make things better!)
But i am annoyed of her, if i talk about the guy i like, she just rolls her eyes...well she does that with anything i say to her that doesnt involve her somehow.
thats kinda crazy. my "friend" considers a lot of teachers her friends too. once she nearly dragged me to dinner at our english teacher's house...wow was i glad that dinner date never happened lol
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