My Mother-in-law came to visit us, from FL,for a week. We have a 3 yr old daughter and all she talked about was coming to see her precious granddaughter. Well, she was here for 6 days and spent about 2 days with my daughter. My mother-in-law is about 60 years old. My husband and I were speachless. She spent the majority of her time bar hoppin with her sister, just had to go see this person and that person. Treated our home like a hotel. Basically, she slept here, showered, ate, napped, checked her Facebook, made phone calls and cocktails. I also smelled smoke at one point. I asked if she had been smoking in my house, she said it was a candle. Found the candle the next day, with ashes in it. My daughter just got had a bronchial virus and she was smoking in my home. The many full glasses of Vodka every evening are a bit disturbing too. Obviously has always had a drinking problem. I would watch her wash her 5 medications down, with her glass of vodka. This is not the first disappointing visit. About 5 years ago she brought her girlfriend. My mother-in-law is a lesbian. They had too much to drink one night staying with us. I heard them across the hall in our guest bedroom having wild, loud, crazy sex for an hour. I was mortified. Thank God this was before we had children. I moved in with my parents, until she flew back home. I am at my wits end with this woman. She is a disgrace to Grandparenting & humanity. My husband is a wonderful man. I cannot believe he came from this horrible woman. What can I do now? I truly hate her and never want to see her again. My parents are the classic wonderful Grandparents... she should be ashamed of herself... What do you think?

So what's stopping you from never inviting her to stay at your home (err I should say hotel) again in a big hurry? If she wants to see her granddaughter that much she can definitely afford a motel/hotel instead of abusing your hospitatlity. Stand up to her and tell her, sorry, the hotel's closed for renovations indefinitely and she'll have to stay at a real hotel when she comes to visit. Hubby will just have to get over the fact his mother is not grandparent material and leave it at that.

Also, we are going to Florida in May. My Mother in law lives there. We stay at a nice hotel on the beach. However, she will want to come visit our daughter. How do I handle this? I no longer trust her to take my daughter anywhere, because I know she drinks. Her rotten behavior over the past 10 years, makes me not want her around.

It sounds like she was buttering you up with the intent of seeing the grand daughter, but she really had a plan that was not revealed. Otherwise you would not have approved of what she really had planned for the visit.

I was half expecting you to say that she decided to stay for six months! Whew!

I totally agree with being honest here, and when she phones to see if she can come for another visit, just kindly say that you can't accommodate her in your home again, but when she comes and is settled in a hotel room, to call to come over to visit.

As to the visit to Florida, your daughter and her safety has to come first. It is pretty clear from what you've said that your mother in law is not stable enough to take your three year old off on her own.

The only way around this is to tell her that if there is somewhere she wants to take her, that you will go along. You don't need to explain yourself.

I am curious to hear outside views, on what this woman does in my home. How would you handle this? Especially the visit on which she had the loud sex with her girlfriend.

Hi Amy,

If it were me, I would come right out and tell her to her face... point blank.

It's your home after all, how dare she use it for drinking,smoking and her sexual needs.

If she chooses to behave in this manner in her own home, then that's her choice but she cannot behave in the same manner in somebody else's home.

You must confront her with her behaviour, explain that this is just not acceptable and if she still wishes to visit her grandaughter then your house rules must be adhered to, if she objects then it will just prove the point... it's just a place to stay.

I can fully appreciate why you do not wish your mother in law to visit your house again,but she is your husbands mother and there will be times when he will want to see her in the future.

I also think at some point your daughter will ask where granny is.

When and if she does come to your home again, it will be on your terms or not at all... the choice is hers.

Im not sure if you have heard of it but when you got married there is a "let it slide" rule. Its not posted anywhere nor talked about very much. Ill try to explain it. As far as her treating your home like a hotel. You let that slide. That doesn't mean forgive and forget. It just means let it slide on by. As far as the moise levels. You NEVER let that slide. You take immediate action. Like bang on the wall or door and tell them to shut up.

As far as doing something for the furture. That is at the top of the list. If she comes to town. She can stay with her drunk sister. If she wants to go places with the child its supervised only. You can't dwell on the past ( let it slide) but you can build a future you want. The let it slide rule is just for that purpose because you have to let the past problems go and focus on the future so your husband doesn't have to hear constant harping. Not that your doing that but preception is what drives decisions. So you have to decide what is law for your home and be the sheriff. But be sure you play nice when it comes to your husband because the idea is you want him to go along with it too.

I'm going to take a slightly different view - I think that you're being judgmental about her because her persona and lifestyle do not fit your traditional 'granny' stereotype.

Now, don't get your knickers in a knot. Having said that, she sounds absolutely awful - sort of like a Thelma and Louise on steroids.

The way I see it, she doesn't live in your state, and you don't have to agree to her staying with you. So don't. Stop expecting her to behave in a traditional or reasonable manner, and assume that she won't.

It's your home and you can choose who stays there (or not).

I don't think there is any point in saying anything - it will just create bad blood (She's your husband's mother, why hasn't he said or done something?) - just make sure she stays somewhere else next time.

You've gotten a lot of great advice here, but I have a question - why isn't your husband addressing these issues with her? Is he just sitting on his thumbs while you worry and fret about this? HE should be man enough to talk to mom!

Yeah she needs to keep her having loud sex with her girlfriend to another place that is not your home. How does your husband feel about all this? Does he prefer not to confront her?

I agree that your husband should man up... face his mother... and be the one who tells her she is no longer welcome to stay with you. That is, unless he is like many husbands and chooses to close his eyes to the situation because it is HIS mother. If that's the case, good luck. My husband is like that and will never go against his mother! Your best bet in that case is to try to tell her yourself but I doubt if she will listen to you. She'll probably just complain to your husband, start a fight between you and him, and get her way in the end.