At Ask Me Help Desk you can ask questions in any topic and have them
answered for free by our experts. To ask questions or participate in
answering them you must register for a free account. By registering you
will be able to:
Get free answers from experts in any of our 300+
topics.
Mother in law needs to grow up and wean off my husband!
My mother-in-law is trying to move in into our one-bedroom flat together with her 24 yr old daughter, a BIG dog,a cat and fish! Our flat is comfortable for just the two of us! I am trying to make my husband see that it is not possible. She's been painting us a picture that it's only for a year and she and her baggage will alternate between her staying one week at her mums and one week over at ours for 12 months while she and her 24 yr old daughter tries to get a job. She wants to keep the money she will be earning from selling her current house and thinks that if she doesn't buy or rent for at least a year she can have more money. She doesn't work and has been pouncing off her children's money ever since my husband started working.
I am on the edge at the moment because my husband keeps trying to make everything work but I told him she is no longer his responsibility in this sense!
I told my mother-in-law, hinting to her this is not a possibility. I told my husband imagine after coming home from work and when all you want to do is unwind, you'll have to face all of them.
I can see this is going to give me a heart attack or a mental breakdown. I think it's so disgusting of her to let a young couple be faced with this option! We're in our twenties and are newly married. To top it all, she already owes my husband 20 grand! He thinks he could get this off her..
I know a mother will always be a mother to a child but surely if the mother is in the wrong you need to tell her to face the facts?! I need advise on how to approach this logically with my husband without losing my cool. I am even putting aside the fact that I do want to have dogs in my house. I have never been close to one for 20yrs and was only friendly to her dog because it's hers. I am not cruel to animals but I don't want them in my house because I will feel the house will never be hygienic enough. It's it too much to ask someone to respect your decision?!
Simply put she seems like a moocher and you need to continue to stand your ground.
If you are renting how would you landlord feel about you all allowing so many people to move in to a small apartment. Maybe you could use that as an excuse if you don't want to be at war with her.
This is perhaps the just one of the many times your mother in law will attempt to use her son. She already has, for money. Tell him how you feel. Let him know that you know he has ties to his mum. But, this is your life, your home, your sanity.
She will find her way just fine without moving in with you. Your husband knows that too. You marriage is more important than allowing such a situation to evolve. You and your husband need to really talk about this and stick together as a team.
No, she and her adult daughter cannot move into a one bedroom flat with a large dog etc. There is not enough room!
Your mother in law has a lot of nerves. I can see if it was an emergency but she wants to get over. I could even see if she said for @ least one month but a year, come on. It dont take that long to get on your feet and your husband should back you, but he might feel gulity because its his mother but she should not want even put your in a blind because your only have a 1 bedroom and then she wants to bring her pets, not 1 but 2 where does the respect for your marriage come in Let her find a place on her own I mean can she use the money with the sell of her house? Make your husband take a stand aganist her and not to let her use him. Good Luck!!
I agree with Chuck, tell him no and if he doesn't then you know he can't be a man and stand up for you and your relationship. This is a dead deal, a no go, no way out of her mind NO!!
shes not the only one that needs to grow up... your husband needs a backbone too!
so she owes him 20k... ok. maybe thats the price you pay for your sanity and your marriage. maybe its worth walking away from that to buy some sanity.
normally im willing to say concessions should be made within reason to help out family when you can... and helping out family in need of housing is something id bend over backward to do, especially for a parent in need... but this isnt about housing.
this is about control.
sorry you are being tested so early. the first few years of a marriage actually can be tougher than others... honeymoon period or not... the last thing you need is other bodies in your space to make it worse.
so... time for you to take the nice gloves off. tell him to forgive the 20K, if thats what it takes, and tell him its time to stop being an enabler. there will be no peace for you, or him, if he allows this... and perhaps tell him if they move in, you move out.
just dont make threats you cant keep. i dont like ultimatums, but this is a big problem... and if he doesnt show a backbone now, im thinking that hes not the man you need him to be. and tell him that if he agrees to not letting her stay, that its the decision you both agree to... not yours. im sure you will get all kinds of flack for this and he will hear from her over and over how disrespectful you are.
ok.
time to see what he is made of. stop making it about her... this is about him.
Thank you all so much! Wish me luck! The FAMILY talk is today! I shall update all of you in this post.
It's been really hard to swallow your dinner with this problem in your head. But all the sound advise I've received from each one of you helps me realise it's not me that going mad.
GOOD LUCK at dinner! Like kp2171 said, we will see if your husband gets this all right!! You are not going mad, I would feel the same way in your position as many of us would. Good luck tonight!!
Wow, the nerve of some people. We had a friend stay with us for 1 1/2 years, he never even asked if he could, he just came for a weekend visit and didn't leave. He didn't pay toward the costs of the house, the food, nothing, we finally had enough and told him to get out.
If this is allowed to happen then you'll never get rid of her, this is your home too, not just your husbands, stand tall and tell him how you feel.
You are not going mad, I would feel the same way in your position as many of us would. Good luck tonight!!
Linear Mode
