My mother-in-law is trying to move in into our one-bedroom flat together with her 24 yr old daughter, a BIG dog,a cat and fish! Our flat is comfortable for just the two of us! I am trying to make my husband see that it is not possible. She's been painting us a picture that it's only for a year and she and her baggage will alternate between her staying one week at her mums and one week over at ours for 12 months while she and her 24 yr old daughter tries to get a job. She wants to keep the money she will be earning from selling her current house and thinks that if she doesn't buy or rent for at least a year she can have more money. She doesn't work and has been pouncing off her children's money ever since my husband started working.
I am on the edge at the moment because my husband keeps trying to make everything work but I told him she is no longer his responsibility in this sense!
I told my mother-in-law, hinting to her this is not a possibility. I told my husband imagine after coming home from work and when all you want to do is unwind, you'll have to face all of them.
I can see this is going to give me a heart attack or a mental breakdown. I think it's so disgusting of her to let a young couple be faced with this option! We're in our twenties and are newly married. To top it all, she already owes my husband 20 grand! He thinks he could get this off her..
I know a mother will always be a mother to a child but surely if the mother is in the wrong you need to tell her to face the facts?! I need advise on how to approach this logically with my husband without losing my cool. I am even putting aside the fact that I do want to have dogs in my house. I have never been close to one for 20yrs and was only friendly to her dog because it's hers. I am not cruel to animals but I don't want them in my house because I will feel the house will never be hygienic enough. It's it too much to ask someone to respect your decision?!

Emmaaquarius

Hi everybody!
Right, so we had dinner at my place and all. After which, my husband asked her, so what's the plan then? She then said,
'oh I think I will have to rent won't I? Cause really, I am not sure how this will work because my own mother just told me she doesn't me in the house! My dad said nothing so he must have agreed with her'
I was so relieved I was trying not to burst out into a silly dance! To top it all! My husband then said to her,
'Yeah, honestly, I don't know how are we going to cramp everyone in here with the dog and the cat.'
She had the cheek to say ' Oh but it would have been comfy'
'No, I don't think so. There's no room for the for that many adults. Plus if we have the dog here, most of the neighbours works different shifts and that means your dog cannot bark at all' I said.
In summary, I was glad, I spoke to my husband about this. I was proud of the fact that I wasn't in tears when we were discussing. I told him that this is not normal. She just needs his monetary help and nothing else. She's told him to shut up everytime he gives her advise and suggestions! She does that in front of me as well!
His mother has now made the 24 yr old daughter run a small business with her. I am sure the daughter is aware that she is now the scapegoat of the family that now needs to provide monetary help to her mother. But that will be another battle for another day eh?
It is so hard to tell my husband what I think of his mother. I agreed with him when he thinks I resent her but he could not argue back when I said I resent her for taking all his earnings from him which is wrong.My husband finally agreed with me that what his mother's been doing is wrong. I of course then said, the only reason she does this is because she thinks you have got no backbone. He went quiet. I reminded him that like him, I also have parents. Whilst my parents will tell me to deal with my own issues as I am a grown married woman, my mother will not hesitate to ring up my mother in law and tell her where to go. (At this part, I can see that my husband realised this as well.)
At the end of the 2 hour discussion with my husband, he's told me he is aware of his priorities and he has indeed told her many a times, he cannot help her anymore.
He now seems more ready to challenge her when she tries to order him around because he knows he's got my backing.
It's not all resolved but I think I am getting through my husband. I know it's hard when it's your own mother, but I think she's taking the royal piss now and I rather nip this in the bud before it's too late.
To each and everyone of you who have kindly written your opinions albeit suggestions, I really want you to know how much I appreciate it. It's rare that I find genuine advise from websites and all of you have actually given me strength.
I will be blatantly honest and will let you all know that the night before I stumbled across this website, I was really afraid I was slipping into depression as I couldn't stop tearing (when I wasn't even thinking about anything.) I couldn't sleep, I couldn't swallow my food I was just constantly worried.
Thank you for being honest with me. You may all be strangers but you've helped a soul find her strength.


Kind Regards,
Emma E.

startover22

Emma!!!! Wow, this is fantastik!! Nice, it all worked out! I am so happy for you and you stood your ground, how good does that feel. You are strong, you are a woman who knew something wasn't right, your hubby even did an ok job saying what he needed to, there was no arguement needed, and really with a woman like that you just can't win one anyway Hugs to you Emma!!