I have read the answer about the other reader who never gets to experience "the firsts" with her child due to an over-impeding mother-in-law. My situation is a little different I think. I really think she sees herself as my daughter's mother. It has driven a wedge between us. Thankfully they live two hours away but we see them once a week if not more. When we go to their house she insists on putting her to sleep in her room and gets offended when we disagree. She let my daughter get in the shower with her. Mind you,my daughter is two, but I feel that it was totally inappropriate. I let my daughter get in the shower with me BUT I am her Mother!! My daughter was running a fever Saturday night and as soon as she saw the grandmother she started wanting her. It really bothered me but she was fine with it and didn't let me just handle it. She took her back into her room and my daughter slept in there wedged between the mother-in-law and my father-in-law. I feel so underminded as her mother when I am around them and my husband will not speak up after all that I have said to him about how it makes me feel. I know I should have a talk with her about what it is doing to me. But with her passive-aggressive attitude I have always come out looking like the bad guy. Am I over-reacting to this?? Deep down I know that I am not. What is going on here??
You are perfectly correct regarding how you feel about this situation. You need to put a stop to this inappropriate behavior by your mother in law. There has to be something wrong with her, dimentia, whatever, to make her act like this. Your daughter is only two now, but how will this progress as she gets older?
It is your husbands place to put down the law with his mother on how she treats your daughter. He is wrong in ignoring this behavior.
First, please pay more attention to posting guidelines. The Introductions forum (where this thread was moved from) is clearly marked as NOT for asking questions.
Is your daughter the first grandchild? If so, as she grows older, the attachment on both sides should grow less. I don't think it inappropriate for grandma to shower with the child if you do it. But it does appear she inserts herself too much.
But your husband should be the one to law down the law to his mother.
. I don't think it inappropriate for grandma to shower with the child if you do it. r.
Taking a youngster in the shower with you, especially when you have to hold the youngster while showering, is totally okay for a mom to do. That is a way of bonding, but......another woman having your baby that close and both naked, is totally inappropriate (and I am not suggesting anything here). It just isnt right for another woman to presume that much with an infant. Bathing in the bathtub, and grandmother assisting is a lot of fun and appropriate, but not in the shower. That is way to intimate and only a mother should be doing that.
another woman having your baby that close and both naked, is totally inappropriate
You are entitled to your opinion. But I see nothing wrong with a grandmother or other close female relative showering with a toddler. I would feel the same about a grandfather showering with a toddler grandson. As long as there is nothing perverted going on, I am not bothered by that.
Taking a youngster in the shower with you, especially when you have to hold the youngster while showering, is totally okay for a mom to do. That is a way of bonding, but......another woman having your baby that close and both naked, is totally inappropriate (and I am not suggesting anything here). It just isnt right for another woman to presume that much with an infant. Bathing in the bathtub, and grandmother assisting is a lot of fun and appropriate, but not in the shower. That is way to intimate and only a mother should be doing that.
tick
thank you so much for your response. I feel the same way but just did not know how to convey it. I really appreciate it and was very put off by the other person's response. thank you again!
misty
I really appreciate it and was very put off by the other person's response. thank you again!
misty
Put off? You can agree or disagree with my opinion here, that's your right. But unless you or someone else, can show me some clinical evidence that this may be harmful to a child, I'll stand by my opinion.
Remember, I'm not talking about just ANYONE. I'm talking about a very close family member. I'm also not saying that you should allow it if it makes you uncomfortable. But you did ask if you were over-reacting. On this one point I think you are.
The shower was only one example of decisions made by your mother-in-law, without your permission.
Why can't you just say no.
When they go to put her in their bed, say "No, I'd rather her be in her own bed so that I can check on her through the night". Simple.
When your mother in law decides to have a shower with YOUR daughter, say, "No, it isn't necessary, she had her bath this morning". Simple.
You say your mother in law is passive aggressive, and she takes liberties with your daughter that make you uncomfortable. She has put a wedge between you and your daughter, not your husband, so why can't you speak up for yourself?
If she is walking all over you, and you allow it to go on, you have only yourself to blame, when she shows up in your home and takes over.
I know it is not an easy thing to do, but when you take charge of making decisions regarding your daughter, even little ones that others may take as being petty and not necessary, who cares!
We all need boundaries. She has crossed yours. My opinion is you should nip this in the bud.
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