My soon to be mother In-law is always asking for money, about $50 a week. The money is either for her or her oldest daughter. I don't mind helping out but she has not done anything to improve her financial situation and I feel she is taking advantage of us. The only time she calls is for money, I want to help out but I don't want to enable her. She has not had a job since I have met her and seems to really need to the money. How can we address the issue with her?

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Originally Posted by Newfamily

My soon to be mother In-law is always asking for money, about $50 a week. The money is either for her or her oldest daughter. I don't mind helping out but she has not done anything to improve her financial situation and I feel she is taking advantage of us. The only time she calls is for money, I want to help out but I don't want to enable her. She has not had a job since I have met her and seems to really need to the money. How can we address the issue with her?

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First of all, this isn't really a law question. I've asked that it be moved to the appropriate forum.

Second, is your mother-in-law struggling financially or is she just mooching off you? If she wasn't borrowing $200 from you a month, would she be in trouble or is she just spending it on junk?

If she actually needs the money, then I'd say help her out. If she's just running up bills with no intention of paying them or paying you back, I'd say cut her off. Of course, discuss this with your wife first and make sure you can both stick to the plan.

How old is the older daughter? Is she unable to work for any reason?

Does she pay back any of the money?

If she's unable to work and in true dire straits, then I'd continue helping her out, but if she's healthy and able to work or is simply blowing the money, then I'd cut her off.

Why not just tell her that you don't have the extra money to spare?

First your spouse should be the one to deal with this- as an in-law you are at a distinct disadvantage here.

Then I'd suggest that your spouse sit down with her and go through all her income and bills as well as his sister's expenses, with both of them, and figure out a budget. If they aren't willing to open up to him about it, he can just say, "well, I can't keep spending money and not knowing where it's going, so unfortunately the answer is going to be "no" to the request for more money. I want to help you but need to know why you always need money from me and whether something can be figured out." As for the sister, she needs a job, period.