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pumpkin1 · Oct 22, 2007, 12:58 AM

My mother has no interest in her grandchildren. She never phones just to see how they are or anything. We had a bit of a falling out nearly 2 years ago. I never argued with her. I just swore that if she never phoned my daughter on xmas day, I would have it out with her.
She phoned 3 days after xmas and I hung up on her because I was busy and did not want to have it out with her there and then.
She subsequently never phoned again, and I finally got a birthday letter 2 months later from her. The problem is it was my daughters birthday the month before and she never even sent her a card. I therefor ignored the letter and she never bothered sending any more.
Also she ignored my sister and her kids, who had not fell out with her, so this was confirmation that she was not worth the hassle. All she ever bothers about is herself and my brother anyway.
The problem is she has now, 1 1/2 years later, sent me a letter saying she wants to see me and my child, saying she has had some strokes, and that is the reason she forgot to phone and stuff. But I know that is not true, as the problem has went back to my childhood.
Personally, I would rather have nothing to do with her any more, but I am starting to feel guilty about my child. She is only 4, and I am scared she would be angry at me when she is older for not even trying with my mother. I just don't want her getting hurt, and feel she is too small to ask if she wants to see her gran. Please help

Chery · Oct 22, 2007, 02:37 AM

Hello dear..

I too, hated my mother beause she treated me like crap all my life. Now she is dead and I'm no longer stressed by her.
I never denied her access to my child because my daughter had a right to her grandmother, as all children do.
The relationship they had was far different from the way I remember mine and I'm glad that I did not jeopardize this by my past feelings and anger.
She also had two sons, and naturally she treated them better, but that was just her...
To make a long story short, if the fall out you had with your mom can be forgotten, give you daughter a chance to get to know her. Family is family and the only one you've got. Your daughter will later build her own opinion of 'grandma', but will be thankful to you for giving her that chance.
Your mother might be ill or has realized her mistakes and might want a chance to mend things with you.
I am very ill and don't know how much longer I'll be around, and I'm glad for every moment I can spend with my wonderful grandson. So, in my opinion, I think you should give it a try and try to be kind whether she deserves it or not. People do change - maybe she changed for the better and just might surprise you.

Good luck, and I hope it all works out.