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Hi all. Please reply with your thoughts on this subject.
We are having a debate with a friend {male} he says that love is a choice that you can pick who to love or not to love. He thinks love just dont happen that its a choice.
I said what about if you have a child that goes against every thing you have taught him and all of your beliefs, you cant just stop loving your own child. he said that is different.
But he also thinks that you can make yourself stop loving someone, he said its a mind set.
Hmmmmmmmm What do you all think?
I believe that you never know when you begin to love someone genuinely, the other night my husband asked when did i started loving hin and i could'nt answer him, i think love is a beautifull process and not a mindset
If your husband started beating you would you still love him?
We may not able to choose all the events and situations that occur in our lives, but we choose how we feel, react or respond to them(including love).
We can choose to accept. flow and benefit from them.
We can resist, reject and become bitter.
We can choose to forgive or not to forgive.
We can choose to love or we can choose not to.
I think a person's needs have a lot to do with it. Everyone needs loving social interaction. Fredrick II, emperor of the Holy Roman Empire once did an experiment where he had foster mothers suckle and bathe babies, but not talk to them or give them any attention. He wanted to see which language they would begin to speak. All of his labor went to waste though, since all of the babies died. Everyone needs love.
Some women need love so badly that they stay with violent husbands. Other people already have enough love from others (not necessarily romantic) so they can stop loving someone else easily.
I think a person's needs have a lot to do with it. Everyone needs loving social interaction. Fredrick II, emperor of the Holy Roman Empire once did an experiment where he had foster mothers suckle and bathe babies, but not talk to them or give them any attention. He wanted to see which language they would begin to speak. All of his labor went to waste though, since all of the babies died. Everyone needs love.
Some women need love so badly that they stay with violent husbands. Other people already have enough love from others (not necessarily romantic) so they can stop loving someone else easily.
Gallivant, I had never heard the story about Fredrick II; good point made.
For me it is hard to stop loving and easy to love....
My husband tells me I give too many people the benefit of the doubt. It is probably true, everyone deserves to be loved, just cause they screw up doesn't mean you can't love them. It may mean you can stop connecting with them. But loving them for what you knew them to be when you did connect with them, is a whole new thing. I usually don't love someone for the bad though if that makes sense, I started to love them when the good came out......I always remember the unconditional love thing.
Ok I have thought about this and my own conclusion is: WHo you love is not a choice, it is a feeling that happens and you can't control that. HOW you love and WHAT you do with it, IS a choice. So, even though you have feelings and love someone, when you don't WANT to, what you do or don't do with it, is completely our own choice. AT least in my mind..
For me it is hard to stop loving and easy to love....
My husband tells me I give too many people the benefit of the doubt. It is probably true, everyone deserves to be loved, just cause they screw up doesn't mean you can't love them. It may mean you can stop connecting with them. But loving them for what you knew them to be when you did connect with them, is a whole new thing. I usually don't love someone for the bad though if that makes sense, I started to love them when the good came out......I always remember the unconditional love thing.
Start: When I first began reading some of the posts I noticed your answers--the world needs more people like you and Firm. You are definite assets.
Remember my Mom? Again I am going to quote her. When I was going through hell in my first marriage-in the beginning of the trouble, she told me;
"If you love someone, you love them. When they betray you, or your love, or just do something you don't like or appreciate;"
"You still love them. Love IS NOT a 'light switch." "You need to say to them; I still love you, but I don't like what you did and how you acted; remember You earned my love; but I am not at all happy with your actions."
Yes, yes Stringer, people we love aren't always who we need them to be and they often disappoint us. WE cannot turn off our feelings but sometimes our minds and our egos push people away that hurt us... We choose how to handle our love for others and sometimes it isn't always the right way. Your mom was right, you don't stop loving someone, even when they don't deserve it. BUT, I don't always give it out so openly once my heart has been trampled on.. It stays inside and I protect it from being hurt again..
So, I make the choice to show how I feel, or don',t but the love I have does remain within me. REGARDLESS.
Let's think about it this way, love is a choice when its amoung, say two different subjects... You choose the subject you "want" to love, your choice right? However the other "subject" doesn't cease to exit your mind/heart (which ever you want to argue that is more relevant to follow) So does that leave love to being a choice, you had made your choice????? But your heart/mind was telling you something different!!
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