Hi,
I will try to keep this brief!! I have two children, one with Autism who is now in a lovely placement after many years of fighting the authorities (he is 18), my daughter is a young 17. I married in 1988 to a man who turned out to be very mentally abusive, I was crushed by him and so were the children. I eventually escaped the traumatic situation with help of the court, he has still continued to be a very difficult person to deal with over the years, including sacking me form my self employed job in promotion and taking over it himself, including all the money!! The courts did nothing to help on this score, he has NEVER paid child maintenance, again CSA did nothing!! I have a new partner, who, brought up the children with myself, i.e. care, attention, love and financially (did everything and more that her father should have been doing). We did however find out that there were complications later on involving my daughter and the son of my partner (I am cutting this bit short) this has been dealt with legally!! So, a mess you would say? Yes, it has been all round, and a very painful experience on top of the past issues. My partner and I have been devastated through this. My daughter moved out to her fathers last year, and of course he has used this to attack me and my partner, He is poisoning her mind towards me and my partner even though, it was us who were always there through her tender years. As a result, contact is very strained between us, as she is more or less saying that I need to give up my happy relationship with my partner or else she wants nothing to do with me. I know that deep down she is still fond of my partner(who still loves her), but, she would dare not say this in front of her father as he would never allow this. I am very hurt through this situation and feel trapped, as I don't want to let anyone down, but also feel that I should not be backed into a corner like this. I am convinced that if she was not with her father, then she would be able to make up her own mind, it seems that I am in a no win situation, I am very depressed and don't know what else to do! People have suggested that I should just wait for her to grow up, but at the same time I don't want to let her down. At the end of the day, my partner and I have never hurt her, but her father has. Can you offer some advice please? This is obviously just an outline of the problem. Thank you.

ManicDiva

Wow. Tight spot she has put you in. Guilt will kill you. At some point, if you give in to her, you are teaching her to abuse you as well. Worse yet, you may be teaching her to be an abuser.

There isn't a soul alive today that has had a happy life the way our Creator intended us to live. That is reality. You sound like you are sorry that she, like us, has had to experience life in today's world. However, you can be a good parent any time. All you have to do is set the right example today. It may hurt. That's life, but giving in to the demands of your child doesn't teach her that YOU know what is best, and from the sound of it, what IS best, is to be firm with her and allow her to fall on her butt. At some point, she has to realize that we all have the same solution-contact with a spiritual life. It's called skillful neglect. It works. I know, because I too, have lived like you did. Do the right thing. Don't waver, and even though it may not work out today, it will work out if you do the right thing.