I'm not sure if this is the right forum or not, so if not, I apologize!

I'm being sexually harassed at work by this guy who is an armed security guard. I work in a store and he is a frequent customer. He has his gun with him when he comes in.

It all started when he asked me out a while back. I'm in my early 20s and this guy is at least 40, probably older. I told him absolutely not, that I am engaged, and that I thought the age difference was too much even if I had been single. I thought it would end there. I was wrong.

Every time he comes in the store, he comments on my appearance. No swear words or anything crude- he seems to be trying to push the envelope by not quite crossing the line. He hasn't touched me so I can't call the cops. He just always says "Oh, you are just so pretty. I only come in here to look at you" After he leaves he sits in his car in the parking lot for at least 20 minutes, and I don't even WANT to know what he is doing out there...

A month ago, my boss was still at work, and I was in the office when he (security guy) came in. He started yelling" Hey, baby, why don't you come out here? Hey, you're so beautiful, just come out here so I can see you." and whistling and yelling at me like he was in a strip bar. My boss told him to get the you- know- what out of the store and never come in if he was going to act like that again. The guy then tried to walk back into the office anyway! My boss told him "Dude, if you walk back there, I will knock you on your butt so fast you won't even know what happened!" Since my boss is over 6 feet tall and big, the guy listened and left.

The very next day he came back and said that he would just wait and come in when the boss wasn't there. I told him to get lost. He stayed away for a few weeks and now comes in every day. He will drive around the block to see if there are cars, and wait until he knows I am here alone.

I've already talked to my supervisors about this. They said that they can't get a restraining order yet because since the incident with the manager, he has been on fairly good behavior. I am scared he will try to rape me or something. He has been going around town asking people where I live! Sooner or later someone will tell him, because he is offering them money to tell him! (I have an unlisted number and the house isn't in my name)

What can I do? The cops said there is nothing they can do yet. My boss just says if he comes in to call him (boss) and let him yell at him on the phone. That really isn't going to help. I need to know what to do. I'm so scared because he mentioned he has a gun with him all the time. I went to Walmart last night, and he was there and followed me around the store until I threatened to call security on him. He just laughed and said "You look hot when you get mad". I went to customer service to get the cops, and he was gone when they went to look for him.

The guy works for Securitas Security in the midwest. If anyone has any ideas it would help so much. I am really terrified and dread going to work every day. What do you do when someone technically hasn't broken the law?

Thanks for your answers. Sorry it is so long!

Wow, the guy just came in here again! ( I'm at work now) Didn't say anything this time, but just stared at me until I told him to leave. He just said "Why, I'm not doing anything illegal, so there's nothing you can do" and walked out laughing. I am soooo mad!

I would send a letter to the HQ of the security service. I would also talk to a lawyer about a restraining order. You may have enough based on past behavior. Make sure someone always accompanies you to your car when you leave.

The store has the right to block anyone from entering. They do it all the time with shoplifters. Have the store manager write a letter banning him from the store. Have someone hand it to him the next time he comes in in front of witnesses. Send a copy to the local police with an affadavits that it was handed to him. If he comes in the store again, call the police and have him arrested for trespassing.

Keep a record of when he comes in and any witnesses to what he does, note them there and then in a diary. Talk to the security company, ask your boss to talk to the security company. Your boss also has a duty to have a safe working environment. There are harassment and stalking laws, you can get a court order, and it will help if you have documented, witnessed notes. Get your boyfriend to talk to him.

Along with the suggestions above I would call the company he works for and let them know he is harassing you. It doesn't matter if he is on duty at the time or not only that he is in uniform which represents the company.

Armed secuity guards are licensed with the state, also call and report these activities to the state agency where he is licensed.

I've been thinking some about this. And I'm having second thoughts about reporting him to his company or otherwise putting his job at risk. It MIGHT come to that, but I would suggest exploring other alternatives first. If you do cause him to lose his job, this could put him over the edge.

I really think having the store formally ban him and notifying the police to that effect should be the first step. The next step would be to explore protection on stalking laws and trying to get a restraining order. If those fail, then going to his employer and/or government agencies can be tried.

You've got armed guards... Do you not also have security cameras?
If you are telling us the truth, and if you fear he will return, I would consider placing my own.

Hello peggyhill:

I too have been thinking about your dilemma since I read your post.

In America, we tend to think that there are people out there whose job is to protect us. However, when a situation like yours develops, we find out very quickly, that we're pretty much on our own. The police will only do something AFTER you've been harmed. In the final analysis, there's nobody out there who we can depend on... except ourselves.

Toward that end, I think you need a concerted plan. This is a dangerous situation. I think you either need to DO something about it, or you need to move away. One OR the other. Anything in between will create MORE danger for you.

Scott is right on when he points out that pissing him off is only going to make it MORE dangerous for you. I agree.

Therefore, if you DO something, it must be a full on, no hold's barred, kick a$$ ASSAULT. It should be an all encompassing OFFENSE upon him. And, it all should happen within the space of a few days.

Every one of the suggestions you received above is good. You should do them ALL, and I have a few more. I'm not sure you CAN'T get a restraining order against him. I think you probably can. Plus, you can sue him for sexual harassment. You can also punch up your boss's interest in protecting you in his store if you let him know that HE might be liable for sexual harassment claims if he doesn't. Hire a lawyer. He can help you with much of the above. I think the idea of your boss handing him a trespassing notice is great.

I'd do ALL of your communicating in writing. Letters to HIS boss, to YOUR boss, to store security, to the STATE should be sent certified, return receipt requested.

HE should get copies of ALL this stuff, and get served with your lawsuit at the same time.

I'd also buy a gun and get a concealed weapons permit. I'd send him a copy. Take self defense class. Send him a copy of your receipt. I suggest all of this happening at once will get his attention.

If you don't feel up to the task, and yes it's dangerous, take my first option. Leave town.

excon

The guard is not from the store, just someone who comes into the store.

I also agree with excon's point about a full all points attack. Hire a lawyer who can develop a plan of attack for you. The best defense is a good offense.

It doesn't matter that he is not from the store. The store has a duty to provide a safe working environment and not doing anything to protect your employers leaves you open to being sued. If it were my store I would have had the guy arrested a long time ago, I would NOT allow anyone to do this to my employees.

You're right, but if you read the note I was responding to, it referred to the OP's store having armed guards. I was just clarifying that point.

The problem with arresting this guy is someone has to witness illegal behavior. From the description the guy is being more rude than illegal.

Wow, you guys have given me some great ideas! I talked to my boss about it today, and told him that he needed to do more about it. He said that he would give me a letter saying that the guy couldn't come in anymore, He is going to go and talk to the cops about it too. He said he wanted them to know that the guy was not welcome, and he said that if I want, I can call a police officer to come down to the store when I give him the letter so that I feel safe. I'm just going to excuse myself and go in the office part and call them.

We do have security cameras, so I can prove what he is doing, so that is good. I also found out who his boss is and I am going to talk to him maybe. I was thinking of going to talk to the boss in person, but maybe it would be better to do it over the phone. I'm going to give him the letter first and see what happens before I talk to his boss. I talked to a lawyer that I know, and he said that I probably can get a restraining order because I have videotaped evidence (from the security tapes) of him harassing me. So, that is very good news.

I also talked to my fiancée, and I have arranged for him to drop me off and pick me up at work for a few days until all this is over, so I'm not alone there at night when I leave. He is also calling me at set times when I am at work to make sure I am OK. We have a "code phrase" that means that the guy is in there bothering me and he needs to call the cops, but I don't think it will come to that. But, better safe than sorry I guess!

I am going to look into reporting him to the people who gave him his license too. (for security). What really bothers me about the whole thing is that if he's doing this to me, he's probably doing it to other people too. I'm a pretty strong willed person, if I think something is wrong, I won't hesitate to speak up, but not all people are like that. I hate the thought of this guy doing this to someone who is too scared to report him, so that is why I'm going to.

My fiancée has a brother who is a former Marine who was a close combat instructor while he was in the military. He said he's going to teach me some self defense stuff, so that's good. I've done karate and stuff before, but it will be good to brush up on it and learn some new stuff.

So, hopefully, I can get this guy out of my workplace! My boss seems really willing to help. I told him what the lawyer told me and he said anything he could do to help he would do. I really appreciate all the great answers and help from you guys. I will let you know how it all turns out.

Hello again, peggy:

Good for you.

I'm not a Jennifer Lopez fan, but she was in a movie where she married this abusive guy - I mean really bad. He was going to kill her. In the end, she kicks his butt - I mean really bad.

I loved it. I think it's great when chicks stand up. It's called "Enough". I'll bet you can rent it.

excon

I saw that movie and loved it! I should rent it again!

You go girl! Sounds like you have a good plan of action here. Just make several copies of the letter from the boss.

And keep us posted.

I understand this is scary, and all these suggestions really will take time to take in effect. For the change try this--it works miracles.
First of all did you know that in nature, in the jungle, predators are subcounsciously atracted to a victim that is prone to have the best chances in being scared and "give in". So we humans are by law instinctual following these same nature laws. As in the jungle so in the city, so I say.
This is what I would try. It takes a bit of practice but once you try it it really works.
When alone, home, look in the mirror. Observe the contoures of your face and body. Trace them in your mind. Now close your eyes and retrace them again with your eyes closed while telling yourself " I am powerful" At this point imagine a shiny bright glow about you that will extend like a sphere around you , you being inside this protective sphere shield of light. Open your eyes but don't look back in the mirror. You are now much larger that you were before and more powerful, no need to see that, cause you know you are! With the back to the mirror feel this sphere of light around you and how it stretches its roots trough your legs and feet conecting you to the earth. So now it would look like a white silver balloon around you with a strong string running trough your feet to the ground. Walk like that around the house, now you are protected, you can also walk on the street like that, see how people sense it and uncounsciously make room for you to go trough, it works miracles in the crouded stores!
Now you can call upon this protective sphere ( which is just your spirit really, your higher self) anytime. What I do, if I am afraid of somebody I add a tint of blue silverish colour to become invisible -try it, it really works, I mean people or the person simply forgets I am even there- in that way "invisible", If I want to be not bothered and I want to extrapolate my authority I only envision this balloon extending even further -all the time though connected in the roots and in a even shinier light, like when you look into a bulb of light- withthat intesity. Your protective balloon should look to you as a light bulb with you inside.
You can also put a screen of light at the door entrance specific for that guy-yuk!! - simply look for a moment at the door and imagine a screen of repelling blue silver light like a screen door---
Sometimes in the real life these methods work real fast and you feel more at comfort being empowered with a gift that we all have access to it, we just didn't learn that inschools yet! An added prayer also helps a long way, just try everything that you feel comfortable with, the light bubble and the silver blue screen door should help.

All the best'
Good Luck!
Moon 777

Moon777 will this work if I don't like someone over the internet or I think they are harmful to my cyber spirit can I make myself invisible to them and make them go away?

Absolutely yes, the science edge studies, mostly russian show that there is an underlying ocean of information that we all are connected with in which we humans with our minds dive in occasionaly but we also receive info from here. So yo know the gut instincts , this is where they come from, and has been proven in labs, doing all sorts of test on the littlest particles of the atoms-the quantum. So, to get to the point, there is a hint of truth in all these magical movies like you know Harry potter and the style, the golden compass and son on.
Once emitted a thought, it converts into a different form of energy, like waves of light or radio and it reaches its destination acting accordingly, changing the initial thought that would harm you.
As you know this is working only for protection purposes. But any act of aggression on us, intentional, emotional or physical needs a barrier of some sort like a dam that holds back the ocean waves.
Take care
Moon 777