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Husbands Friend & his wife! I need to vent!
Asked Jul 31, 2007, 05:31 PM
This is long. Am I crazy for thinking this way... I think I just need to vent.
My husbands friends wife befriended me by trying to get me involved with quilting. I'm not really into sewing but I kind of liked it and got involved. She's very obsessive about it now. At first, she was just starting and mostly can only talk quilting, quilting, quilting. Nothing about family, the weekend, how was your day? Not much else... the last few years have been like this.
I mentioned to her a few years ago that I was into scrapbooking and that another friend of mine, T, do this hobby. I didn't ask her to become involved in my hobby because I knew she didn't care for "T" and she had come out and told me this. I never told "T" this though... not my place to say anything. She also said she really can't get involved in another hobby... too expensive. So... more later on that (down the page)
Anyway... We bought ATV's and a trailer before we were really good friends with them. But now they went out and bought a trailer, ATV's and want to go camping with us EVERY time we want to go. She complained to me that she wanted a trailer as BIG as ours, that ours was MUCH nicer... blah blah blah. I heard it from her the entire first camping trip with them!
I got a Chevy Tahoe... my ultimate vehicle that I've been waiting to buy myself. They went out and bought a smaller SUV and brought it over to show us... only she CONSTANTLY complained that she wanted a Tahoe... JUST LIKE MINE... but her husband said they were too expensive. But she must have complained at LEAST 10 times during the 1/2 hr visit!
We've gone out for dinner, they've paid. Even if we tell them beforehand we're not going to dinner if you guys pay... they quickly grab the bill and charge it. They tell us that my husband does a lot for them so it's always their treat. My husband doesn't do any more than what a FRIEND would do to help another friend. I feel we are being bought as friends and although having a free meal is nice... every time isn't. I wasn't raised that way. Since then I've turned down their dinner requests... I just make an excuse and my husband does too.
My husband and I started donating blood together a few years ago... but I became anemic and was unable to after a while. SHE INVITED herself to my husbands donation appointment so SHE could start donating blood. And NOW she goes every time, the same time he does! Her husband drops her off and my husband takes her home! She even went to donate blood on her husband's 50th birthday... he ended up going to dinner with his 12 year old son... while SHE went to donate blood! I was fumed at this woman's gaul but I trust my husband and he thinks it's a little strange but, guys, they just don't get it!
My husband and I planned an anniversary get away to Disneyland a couple of years ago. We were going to go for a week. Guess who asked about Disneyland and how we got our discount rates and then said she wanted to go. And guess which time... WHEN WE WERE GOING! And then said her husband didn't want to go but she would take his son... who she CANNOT stand and has made it obvious... even now! I squashed that by telling her it's my husband and I's anniversary and we really want to be alone. But she still kind of pushed it and said "Oh...but we don't all have to hang out together." Yeah, right.
She ended up NOT going. DUH! Don't you get it woman!
There's more to all these little things that she annoys me with but the clencher, and my REAL recent gripe is my husband and I are planning to move to North Dakota next year. He told our friends that we need to just get out of California... it's so expensive and we have inherited 2 acres w/a nice home in the area where his fathers side of the family all live.
Guess who tells me a week later, "we just need to get out of California."
You guessed it! The friend from H***. I told her "Oh...cool...you can move to Idaho and build on your property. You have a great place to move!" They have property in Idaho and plan to build a home. She said, "well...we just want to go sometime next year." I sarcastically told her, "Where to? North Dakota?" She said "Why not?!" In all her perkiness. I was livid (inside). I told her why in the heck North Dakota... your property in Idaho is SO beautiful and the weather isn't as harsh!
I just ended to entire conversation.
NOW. A day or so AFTER that ND conversation, she decides to befriend my friend "T" (the one she didn't care for) and goes balls out into scrapbooking. She spent over $1000.00 in one week purchasing everything scrapbooking. She invited herself to my friend "T"'s scrapbooking room and even bought the more EXPENSIVE die cut machine... one that "T" said SHE wanted to get but couldn't afford it.
When I saw her I told her "I thought you were trying to watch your money?" (because this is what she told me about a month ago... that her husband told her to stop spending money on quilting stuff... that they need to focus on their remodel of their current home... which is costing them a lot of money). Anyway, her seemingly quick sounding robotic response was "well...you can't take it with you."
"T" called me and told me she is driving her crazy! If she doesn't bring her scrapbooking stuff to "T's", she brings her sewing machine, iron, ironing board, fabric, etc. to "T's" house to do THAT! And then doesn't even talk to her really... just starts getting into her sewing or sitting down messing with her new die cut machine (which she wanted to show off to me and I told her I was actually busy that day... but told her nicely to have fun with it).
I told "T" looks like she made a new friend. She didn't find that amusing and sympathized with me now knowing what a strange bird this woman is.
I'm distancing myself from the woman now and politely turning down her every effort to get me to do stuff with her. She hasn't bugged me for a week now and I'm actually happy. I felt bad at first but looking back at all this stuff I've gone through with this obsessive, copy cat friend... I really don't miss her.
We don't have much in common and I need a life WITHOUT them following us to ND! It will only be the same there and I can't take it!
My husband agrees... he doesn't want anyone following us there either. We may not even stay so why uproot and go. He hasn't discussed ND with his friend anymore. His friend and him are still good friends. I don't want to come between them and I actually like his friend. It's his WIFE I can't take any longer! My aunt told me I'm not obligated to be her friend by default just because my husband and her husband are friends.
And I want to do stuff with my friend "T" but we now feel uncomfortable with this woman having pushed herself in between. "T" and I have other mutual friends that we don't mind going out and doing stuff with but this other woman just squashes our fun because she also seems like she WANTS to one up on people.
I know that I should be flattered when someone wants to have the same things as you... but there's a limit! Maybe she's insecure or unhappy somewhere along the line.
This all came to a head with the whole North Dakota thing and I ABSOLUTELY don't want them raining on our parade. This is my husband and myself's adventure and we will FINALLY be together as husband and wife... doing stuff just the two of us... WITHOUT having his friends involved! I don't mind them visiting but don't stay!
I should add that she doesn't have any friends besides me... and now "T" but "T" said she's kind of backed off and hasn't come over for a while. The woman does have a kind of friend from the quilting stuff but not really.
I know I may be wrong in how I feel. I'm not jealous... I'm just annoyed by this woman. She's very pushy and this thing she has about my husband... men in general... is weird. It's not sexual, it's just she has to have that attention.
She even jokingly touched my husband booby... long story... but, in short, we went to dinner a few years back and when we got outside, he said it was cold and she put her hand ON his SHIRT, touched his booby and said "How cold?" Her husband didn't say peep. And when I got in the car with my husband, he said that wasn't the first time she's done that. THAT was at the beginning of our friendship... and now all this other stuff that I've mentioned before has happened!
She works with only men (as a supervisor) so my husband says she gets along well with them. Like I said, men just don't get it from a female point of view but then why should they? They're not. I just think she steps over the line.
I can't sit down with her and talk to her woman to woman either... tell her what's eating at me. My aunt says to do what I'm doing and turn down invitations to stuff, maybe not take her calls, etc. Which she hasn't called... it's all email and I've politely said no to everything and sometimes give her a nice excuse. I think she's gotten the message but it just takes a while... because she IS pushy and just doesn't take a hint.
I wasn't raised to be mean to people but I've NEVER experienced someone quite like this person.
If you've gotten this far, thank you for letting me vent completely.
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Sep 12, 2007, 03:06 PM
Dunebunny, what she was doing was a manipulation technique. She is attempting to control a situation (group of friends) in which she has no control. She is a very domineering woman who is used to being the center of attention, and does not understand how to sit back, relax, and just be a participant. I am sure she views it as everyone just not allowing a newcomer into their tightknit little group because she is incapable of comprehending that it is her personality and her actions that is a turnoff. I was tempted to write this earlier but I didn't -- I suspect that her marriage will end when she leaves her husband for another man. I do feel sorry for his son. Someone needs to step up and give that guy an earful about allowing his son to be so mistreated. But, if he can't see it now, he probably never will.
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Sep 12, 2007, 04:16 PM
No... I think he sees it but he's so blinded by this woman he lets it go. And, no... he probably won't leave... but I can't see her leaving either. As long as he continues to let her have her way then things will probably remain the same.
I know if it were me I would be second guessing my relationship. I'm not a parent but if I was, I wouldn't let someone treat my son like she treats him. She's not physically abusive... it's all verbal... naggy and angry.
Her own kids don't come around. Once in a while I would hear her talk about her daughter... that she came by but never that they went out and did mother/daughter things. And her son... never. I think he lives with his Dad or something.
Her kids are both in their 20's and she probably feels she's done with the parenting and wants her own life and her step-son is cramping it. Well... I hate to tell you this but YOU married the man knowing full well he had FULL custody of the boy! Anyway... I always hear money is the main breaker of marriages so I hope they have a plan to fix this debt they're into because they are hurtin' right now. And they both make A lot of money at their jobs... but they have a lot of debt to go along with it too...
I guess time will tell.
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Sep 30, 2007, 02:01 PM
Definitely inferiority and insecurity as well as very co-dependent and seems like it never dawned on her to try having a life of her own. You, T and your husband need to quit telling her or her husband your every plan. I think you and T should make plans and when she asks
What are you doing on Saturday (or whenever) simply tell her or T tell her "The two of us have plans what are your plans? Maybe you and T could take up some hobbies that she might not want to do like scuba diving classes, knitting, golfing, etc... and then hopefully she loses interest and maybe finds some new friends or hobbies. Or maybe if she would tag along to your new interests she might find some new friends there.
I really wonder what her husband really thinks of her.
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Oct 1, 2007, 09:00 AM
Actually, T and myself, along with a couple of our other friends just joined Weight Watchers and are signing up for a water aerobics class. This other woman doesn't have a weight issue and once told me that she wouldn't be caught dead in a bathing suit. She wears pants all the time.. I've seen her in shorts only one time. BUT... that doesn't mean she won't because, remember in my other posts, she said she didn't care much for T either and now look!
T said that this woman hasn't come around now in a while... but her husband hasn't either. In fact, he doesn't call my husband several times a day like he used to... only if he has a question on something with his car. They also are on vacation in Arizona visiting his relatives... maybe she'll want to move THERE! LOL
I thought she would find a new friend in the monthly quilting club meetings. There's tons of ladies her age there. But she acts strange around other women... not really "friendly"... kind of hard to explain unless you saw her interact with others. It's kind of stand-offish in a friendly way. I think she does have a complex of some sort but she sure doesn't seem to have one when men are around! She is so intent on their conversations and laughs and jokes but when us women are jibber jabbering she doesn't act the same. I think you'd have to see the scenarios to know what I'm trying to get at but that's the jist of it.
And, yeah... not sure what her husband thinks of how she is. Love is blind though... isn't that what they say? He doesn't react much that's for sure. This is his 3rd marriage... the other two left him for other men. Maybe they got bored. He sure is good at correcting what she says sometimes though! He's kind of a know-it-all. When I mention stuff, he's done it or seen it. I told my husband it's kind of irritating but he only says that the guy HAS done a lot in his life. Well... good for him. It's still irritating LOL.
But I have a feeling she isn't happy because she spends a lot of money instead of focusing on their house project and other stuff they got going on. Between the both of them they make A lot more than my husband and me... but they have a lot of bills.
We'll see how this all plays out... I will post any updates but so far I think she's gotten the message.
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Oct 7, 2007, 06:04 PM
Well... this isn't an update.. it's kind of a vent... like "I can't believe this chick" vent... and it's not pertaining to me but some news on how this woman does things. It goes along the lines of pushy maybe... not sure exactly.
My husband got a call yesterday from this woman's husband. He needed help moving some classic cars he's storing in their very large back yard. When my husband got off the phone I asked him what was that all about? He said that the woman called a landscaper, got an estimate and booked to have the backyard and frontyard all landscaped WITHOUT discussing it with her husband. They aren't even finished with remodeling their house!
I remember her husband also saying that he wanted to move the two buildings behind their house (not on foundations and moveable with a forklift) to make room for their hot tub that she got second hand from a friend. But apparently she's having this landscaper start THIS WEEK! My husband thought it was kind of dumb to start landscaping when they aren't even finished with their remodel... everything gets trampled and run over.
Apparently she has other plans and her husband just lets her do what she wants.
I'm betting that it was HER idea about North Dakota too and her husband decided to ask my husband about available jobs in ND the same day she told me ND was where they wanted to go too. But there has been no more mention of it since and I have not heard from her personally, email or phone, so I think she's definitely got the hint.
But can you believe this woman? I always discuss stuff with my husband before any plans of it. I don't just go out and book jobs, etc. especially when it comes to money and our home!
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