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How to get the work done without going for argument
I m married recently .My wife is abit sentimental and so one have to be very careful when he/she interacts with her. In short i feel she is yet to be matured.
I want her to continue her studies.But the problem is she has lost interest in it .Though she also wants to complete her graduation but i feel she is not putting enough efforts. I tried various means to convince her by being tough with her giving some deadlines, discussed with her about what i want , asking her to take her books whenever i m at home . But all these efforts went in vain as she feel i m acting like a teacher ...and she doesn't listens to me ...
Sounds like you are trying to get her to do things your way. This is her life, her education - not yours. She must do it in her own way. If you don't back off she is going to throw all the books in the air and that will be that. You will have discouraged her too much. Back off. Love your wife and appreciate her efforts. Showing appreciation will get results.
And she is a adult and married, and can make her own choices, if she wants to be a wife and have that as the most importatnt thing in her life.
And you want, nad you give her deadlines, MEN don't do that with their wifes, the love and support them in what they want. And no she is not suppose to "listen" to you,
Perhaps you accept and love her for who she is, and learn that you don't control her and there is no way to convince her,
If I were her, I would feel like you were acting like my dad. The long-term effects of what you are doing to your wife are disastrous. Many consider this a form of emotional abuse. The problem is that when you were looking for a wife, you needed a person that would allow you to do the things that you are doing to her. Are you doing this to satisfy your own needs, or what you perceive to be her needs? Personally, if I were her, I would jump ship for you trying to exert your power and control over her. If you are willing to change, that's a different story. I think you came to the wrong forum, if you are looking for advice on how to FIX your wife.
What IS your wife interested in? Why don't you support this instead of trying to implement your own agenda? It's interesting, but in a good number of families that I have done therapy with, the women are trying to change some aspect of their husband that they don't like, and not the other way around.
Look at it from this perspective. Think of something that you really don't want to do. Then imagine your wife coming onto a forum and asking people how she can convince you to do this thing that you really don't want to do. What if all her efforts at home and in your marriage were centered on trying to get you to do this one thing. Make Sense? Go find a family therapist and try to work out your problems.
If I were her, I would feel like you were acting like my dad. The long-term effects of what you are doing to your wife are disastrous. Many consider this a form of emotional abuse. The problem is that when you were looking for a wife, you needed a person that would allow you to do the things that you are doing to her. Are you doing this to satisfy your own needs, or what you perceive to be her needs? Personally, if I were her, I would jump ship for you trying to exert your power and control over her. If you are willing to change, that's a different story. I think you came to the wrong forum, if you are looking for advice on how to FIX your wife.
What IS your wife interested in? Why don't you support this instead of trying to implement your own agenda? It's interesting, but in a good number of families that I have done therapy with, the women are trying to change some aspect of their husband that they don't like, and not the other way around.
Look at it from this perspective. Think of something that you really don't want to do. Then imagine your wife coming onto a forum and asking people how she can convince you to do this thing that you really don't want to do. What if all her efforts at home and in your marriage were centered on trying to get you to do this one thing. Make Sense? Go find a family therapist and try to work out your problems.
Thanks! a lot for your suggestions .It was indeed a good one . I will take care of this in future ... and thanks to all other friends who has replied to my post.
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