Over the holidays I was asked to house sit for a friends parents, while they visited her in Chicago.

I posted a bulletin on my web page telling all my friends where I'd be over the holidays, and to visit me because I'd be lonely.

Well one of those days my friend was in the area at his moms house, and he asked me what I was doing.

He said he could come over and keep me company for a while, but he couldn't stay long because he had to wake up early to go to long beach with his mom and sister for an early xmas party. It was already late when he came over, so we ended up watching a movie on the couch. When the movie was over, I looked over and he was sleeping.

I gently woke him up and asked him "Where are you sleeping tonight?" and he said "my moms. Her couch is leather, and I stick to it. It's really uncomfortable, I'm soo not looking forward to it"

I felt bad for him, so as he was getting up to leave I told him "You can stay here, there's plenty of rooms you can sleep in" So he agrees to stay.

He set his stuff up in the room down the hall, but hangs out in the room I'm sleeping in because he knows I have a hard time sleeping, so he offers to stay with me for a little while. I turn on the TV, and we both watch it until my eye lids get heavy, and I roll over on my stomach, but I still can't sleep.

So, he ended up massaging my back to help me sleep, even though he had to get up early the next morning to go to long beach with his family.

"Isn't it totally innocent if a guy comes over, because he knows you're all alone house sitting. And massages your back to help you sleep. And doesn't even try anything?"

ScottGem

First of all, you still haven't stated your age. This makes a difference.

Second, having a member of the opposite sex stay overnight is not a problem in a supervised setting. But the two of you alone? Even in liberal California, that still enough to make tongues wag.

And if this was no big deal then why did you ask about it? Obviously its something you are concerned about so it is a big deal.

flowerchildnea

I'm 23 years old. And I was when this happened.

The 411 on this post is that I was talking to a male friend of mine. And this story some how came up.

He argued with me for a good 2 hours about how the guys intentions are what would have made the whole night not so innocent.

And he called me a liar for saying nothing happened, and that even if nothing did, I still shouldn't have called in innocent, because "I knew what his intentions were" (or so he says).

My idea of innocence lies in the fact that nothing sexual happened. I don't consider a friendly back rub to help me sleep, sexual.

I argued that I feel like it was innocent, and I felt others would agree with me.

So he posted a thread on Face the Jury asking people if sleeping in some girls bed and rubbing her back was innocent, and all the replies were negative, and totally what he wanted to hear.

I told him the way he asked led people to answer the way they did. The response you get is indicative of the way you ask the question.

So he told me that if I wasn't satisfied with the responses he got, then I should post my own thread, and see what kind of responses I got.

I generally liked my responses, and he agreed that the outcome was 50/50.

The guy apologized today for accusing me of lying. I thought that was sweet, and all I really wanted. So in the end, everyone wins.

P.S. My little sister is 16, and she stays over at her guy friends houses all the time. It's not like their parents are sleeping in the same room as them.

And no one seems to mind.

N0help4u

So are you saying that it was actually your 16 year old in this situation and not you?
It depends on how old her guy friend is and the state law basically because he could possibly run into problems legally if he ever got accused of anything by anybody.
Second, I realize that it is possible to have a guy friend that is as you are describing because I have had a few through the past 33 years. BUT you are saying your sister 'claims' nothing is happening 'other than' so even you yourself can not really be sure if it is or isn't true and have to take her word on it.

ScottGem

Ok, So my point is confirmed. Lots of people, when hearing a story like this are going to assume that something happened. However, since I presume you both are adults its no one's business.

As for your little sister, if your parents and hers approve, I assume there is some trust factor. But I wouldn't let my dtr sleep over a boys house wiothout knowing that his parents would make sure everything was on the up and up.

flowerchildnea

It was me in the situation, not my sister, and I'M loudly stating that NOTHING happened.

I was just giving an example of how things are these days in our modern world. People (at least the people I know, and hang out with. Men, women, children, and adults alike) don't think much of two people of the opposite sex staying the night together in one room.

Especially if nothing's going on.


No matter where you go people are ALWAYS going to make their own assumptions about things. Because that's just human nature.

And yes, we both are adults, and well over the age of supervision.

My mom is a single mom of 9 children, and it's really hard to try to keep teenage girls locked up in their bedrooms. Especially when they are manipulative, and conniving.

So my mom doesn't really know what's going on with my siblings, and sometimes she doesn't even know where they're at.

And I honestly think she's to weak, and tired to put her foot down. Because she still has 2 younger children to raise (9 and 12) What my sisters need (16 and 17) is a dad.

N0help4u

From what I have seen nowadays kids look to the other kids, older sisters and brothers and
EVEN parents and have an attitude like well my best friend, all the kids at school, my 23 yr old sister, my mom, or whoever does it so I should be able to too.
My daughter was always a strong stubborn independent kid from the time she could first walk and talk and it was a positive until she got to her teens and then she started acting like she was in her 20's and would not listen to anybody.
Many kids have an attitude that they have as much rights even more because they are the kids and they follow the example they think you are setting and they see it as their justification. I have noticed many teens do not seem to grasp the distinction between an adult a kid any more.

ScottGem

The key here is that its the people YOU know and hang with. Its not the modern world in general. Things are definitely more liberal then they were even 20 yrs ago. But your world, is not the modern world. That's why you come on sites like this to get a perspective from other people, cultures, etc.

The fact of the matter is that two people spending the night alone together are going to make most people think something happened. People who know you well may believe you when you say nothing happened. Peopel in your immediate circle may also believe. Some people may think nothing of it.

Frankly, I wouldn't be concerned whether anything happened or didn't happen. You both are adult enough to make such a decision on your own. So it would be nobody's business.

MOWERMAN2468

whew, what a posting. thats all I can say.

N0help4u

Where we live there is nothing wrong with having someone of the opposite sex over but that doesn't keep the neighbors tongues from wagging whether you did or did not do anything.
People talk whether you say yeah or nah. But that is their problem, they have nothing better to do than gossip. Like you said people will FIND stuff to say anyway.
The question is are you going to let it bother you what others might say or believe or are you going to just go with the fact you know what did and didn't happen and heck with what anybody else says or thinks!

charlotte234s

I would never allow a 16 year old girl to stay the night with a boy, that is inappropriate..