Over the holidays I was asked to house sit for a friends parents, while they visited her in Chicago.

I posted a bulletin on my web page telling all my friends where I'd be over the holidays, and to visit me because I'd be lonely.

Well one of those days my friend was in the area at his moms house, and he asked me what I was doing.

He said he could come over and keep me company for a while, but he couldn't stay long because he had to wake up early to go to long beach with his mom and sister for an early xmas party. It was already late when he came over, so we ended up watching a movie on the couch. When the movie was over, I looked over and he was sleeping.

I gently woke him up and asked him "Where are you sleeping tonight?" and he said "my moms. Her couch is leather, and I stick to it. It's really uncomfortable, I'm soo not looking forward to it"

I felt bad for him, so as he was getting up to leave I told him "You can stay here, there's plenty of rooms you can sleep in" So he agrees to stay.

He set his stuff up in the room down the hall, but hangs out in the room I'm sleeping in because he knows I have a hard time sleeping, so he offers to stay with me for a little while. I turn on the TV, and we both watch it until my eye lids get heavy, and I roll over on my stomach, but I still can't sleep.

So, he ended up massaging my back to help me sleep, even though he had to get up early the next morning to go to long beach with his family.

"Isn't it totally innocent if a guy comes over, because he knows you're all alone house sitting. And massages your back to help you sleep. And doesn't even try anything?"

charlotte234s

It is pretty innocent if nothing happens, but massages are pushing it a little, and unless you had prior permission to have him over, you may displease the home's owners.

ScottGem

As long as nothing sexual occured, its innocent. May not look innocent to others, but its how you feel about it that really matters.

Fr_Chuck

Guess I will disagree, first it gives alot of wrong impressions to anyone that knew he stayed there. So no matter what you and he say did not happen, those that know he stayed there over night will always assume mre did happen.

So you could basicly kiss any current boyfriend good bye.

and the massage passes the line, he was a gentleman, and had respect for you, but I am sure he was and maybe is hopeing for it to go futher down the road.

Just one old man's opinion

N0help4u

I agree with all the replies.
It is innocent because you know what you did/didn't do, but to others --a guy and a girl in her bedroom together --all night?

Then too he may be all innocent but often that is just a foot in the door for the guy and eventually he expects more and before you know it he has you wrapped around his finger and taking you for granted. Not that this guy is like that but you have to be careful and make sure it doesn't head in that direction.

flowerchildnea

Whenever I house sit for my friends parents they tell me I can have whoever over whenever I want.

And since they asked me to house sit over the holidays, and I missed xmas, they were especially lenient with their rules, about who I could have over, and how many people I could have over at a time.

I've gained their trust, and take great care of their old, sick dogs (which include walks, and daily meds twice a day. Dog allergies AREN'T fun =/), and I ALWAYS leave their house spotless

flowerchildnea

Thank you SOOO much for saying this. You really made my day. I feel exactly the same about the situation.

How I feel really IS all that matters. Everyone has specific intentions whether they are good or bad.

But what they actually do is indicative of who they really are, and how you perceive them. And if they don't do anything that you find offensive, or misleading, then there's no problem, right?


I'd like to start by thanking you for your feedback, it's all appreciated. And sometimes it's cool to disagree.

But I will of course have to defend myself, because this IS my post.

So...

First off, people knew he stayed there (guys, and girls), and they thought it was adorable that he was willing to keep me company even though he was busy the next morning.

He wasn't planning on staying the night, it just happened. Some things you just don't plan for.

Secondly, people who assumed anything more happened than what I said happened are perverts looking to gossip about something.
And people who know me (which are the only ones who knew about the situation until now) know how I am, and know nothing more would have happened even if the guy had other intentions.
Which I'm sure he didn't because he's in love with my friend Charlotte, and has been since they dated years before I met either of them.

As far as kissing a current boyfriend goodbye, I'm not too concerned about that. Any guy who is jealous about some guy giving me a back rub in the specific situation I was in would probably be jealous about everything, and would too controlling for my taste.

It's not like we were in the hot tub, boozing it up, and then massaging each other in the shower naked.

It was an innocent back rub, and a kind gesture from someone keeping me company, and being a good friend.

Lastly, maybe he DID want it to go further down the road, but he never made me feel uncomfortable, and he never tried anything.

Like I told Scott, people will have either positive or negative intentions going into something, but as long as they respect you, and don't do anything to make you feel uncomfortable, then there's no harm.


I know what you mean, but I feel like with me and my friend Adam, things will never be like that. We understand each other in the sense that even though we may both be attractive people, there's no attraction there.

Yes having a guy over all night in the same bedroom as me is opening up the door for people to ask questions, and want to know what happened.
But people are just nosy like that, and want to know the scoop about all things NOT involving their lives, because it gives them something to talk about.

But this is the 20th century where kids watch cartoons like sponge bob, and where they advertise personal lubricant on channels people watch with their children.

Having someone of the opposite sex over to stay the night, even though you're not dating them, isn't to out of the ordinary, and it isn't naughty unless something naughty is going on.

N0help4u

My only real point is that even when you tell people that you are not doing anything
they only believe "Yeah RIGHT!"
maybe it is worth givin' 'em something to talk about

ScottGem

Sorry, but, that's still out of the ordinary. Enough so that tongues will wag.

flowerchildnea

I don't know where you've been living, but... where I live there's nothing wrong with having someone of the opposite sex over.

And if they happen to spend the night, and end up massaging your back to help you sleep... it's opening the door for some talking, but no one would know unless I told them about it.

And if I thought it were a problem then I wouldn't have told anyone.

It's really not a big deal.

The problem would have been with the back rub. But nothing happened still... so...