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Well,
Here's the situation I've gotten myself into. I'm wondering now how to get out of it, or should I just resign to sleeping in the bed that I've made.
My Brother-in-Law and my step-daughter have moved in. Not in my house, but on my property. I provide a trailer with utilities for my step-daughter who was to pay her way and pay some extra at some point. Its been a year and I'm doing more supporting her than she is helping me. She works about 30 hours a week at dairy queen and won't get out and find something that pays better or work on bettering herself at all.
My Brother-in-law sold his mothers house, bought a trailer and put it on five acres of my land near me. With my permission. He said from the start that he would be paying me the equivalent of the land payment I'm making as soon as he got on his feet. Its been three years, I've not seen a penny. He works a full time job that doesnt pay enough, yet he has a new truck with a $400.00 a month payment, a motorcycle, and is buying hunting equipment pretty regular, hitting bars, and seems to do fine until a payment is due.
Both of these in-law/step people work, but neither is what you could call ambitious. I'd like to tell them each that they need to start paying me $200.00/mo (step-daughter) and $350.00/month (Brother in law), but as they are family, and I'm still married to my wife and intend on staying that way, how do I go about it. or should I even try?
Here's the rub. I'm in a position where my brother-in-law is now out riding motorcycles with my cousins, friends and co-workers as a group and I am not. I have no bike. I have found one I want to buy but cannot due to finances. My in-laws are doing well living off my income and or using my posessions with no payment while I'm doing without, sitting at home, wishing I had something I cannot afford.
Any ideas / recomendations? or even advice to just 'suck it up'?
TC
TC, what is your wife's position in and on, all of this? Her role is key into coming up with an active plan for you. So, give us some insight as to her views and relationship with everyone.
I talked to my wife about it.
She said to feel free to tell them they need to pay something, but not to expect that they will. She does support me buying the motorcycle and says we'll make the payment somehow, but I (being fiscally responsible) can't in good conscience jump into a vehicle payment like that unless I know I've got some finances free to cover it.
TC
This is real easy, if your wife agrees, talk to each one, tell them what they are suppose to be paying, tell them in 30 days you expect that payment to be made or you will have to start eviction proceding, that you are tired of being taken advantage of.
And then just do it, if they refuse to pay thier fair share.
The one is a renter, the other is renting your land, the one reting land.
You are only be taken advantage of because you are letting them.
** I will never rent to a friend or a relation, since almost always they will try and take advantage of you
TCP, as long as your wife is backing you up on this, do as Fr Chuck suggests. The fact is, both those relatives have money from their jobs. The evidence is how they are spending it. This should leave you justifiably pissed off! They are showing you that they have no respective for you and their word means nothing. They are moochers, BIG TIME. What a great deal. All of their income is disposable. No worries for them at all. They are living free off of you and your land. What a great life! Start getting yourself angry enough to dig in your heels and stand up for yourself. They are adults and they need to start acting responsibly. You are not responsible for them. Give them an ultimatum, then follow through on it. Let them know that you will do this, and if it comes down to having the sheriff remove them, then so be it. It most definitely is ultimatum time!
Fr. Chuck gets it right again...Give them 30 days. Don't bring up that you want a bike - that just muddies the waters. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone. They made an agreement, they broke the agreement. You feel taken advantage of. You probably could rent that property to a non-relative who would understand that if they don't pay, they go. That might be better for you and your wife.
If you can afford to do so I would possibly permit the step-daughter to stay but only if she enrolls in and gets a certain grade point average in a trade school program or college, or if she demonstrates a concerted effort to find a job that pays enough to live on. If she's been working at DQ, perhaps she can get into a restaurant as a management trainee, for example. If your area is rural and there aren't many opportunities, she could buy a used computer and go to college on-line and make some long term plans for herself.
And as an immediate condition, until they are able to pay as originally agreed, they should be doing some work on the property for you. Your step daughter could be doing some housecleaning. Your brother in law could be doing some outdoor work and repair projects. They need, one way or another, to make a contribution.
I agree with most of what everyone is saying. First and foremost something has to be done. You can not keep being walked all over. The Brother in law and stepdaughter should be handled differently. With the brother in law you need to lay it out for him. Tell him you have money for all these extras, now its time to pay me. If not I am evicting you in 30 days. As for the stepdaughter, she is working and you did not mention how she is spending her money. However, depending on where you live, is there another job she can get? I know some places it is so difficult to find a decent full time job with no education. Maybe she can not pay for college? Maybe she has to work because she has bill she has to pay that is why she can not go to school? I would look at the circumstances and try to sit down with her and see what the deal is first. You married your wife, which means you promised to take in her children. This makes you a great man. Now it is time for you to guide the daughter in the right direction...good luck
i know how you feel i have a brother who is just like that if i was you i'd tell them to find somewhere else to live. if your step-daughter isn't the main problem then i'd tell your brother-in-law to hit the road. you were nice enough to give them a place to live and it seems like they are taking it for granted. get rid of them.
after reading this, i understand why my dad, who owns rental properties, would never rent to me. I guess the only way to help people to help themselves is to leave them no choice but to do so.
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