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30 yr old who wants to move out and afraid to tell her parents
Hi,
I am a 30 yr old adult who feels like a child. My parents are European and Catholic and I still live at home. That itself should explain it all. My life has been kind of a roller coaster. I have been engaged twice but couldn't go through with it. I am now the happiest I have ever been with one problem, I want to move out on my own, I mention it to my parents some time without actually telling them and they always say, "well why do you have to move out, that's not the appropriate thing to do, the day you get married is the day you move out." I think they are afraid that if I move out on my own I will never get married and not getting married and having children is the worst mistake that can ever be made, "it's not normal". What is normal anyway. I know I will be married one day but when the day is right and right now it's not but I can not live with my parents anymore. I have to get out there and learn responsibility, learn how to depend on myself and not others. How do I make them understand. Understand that this will be good for me and that I will appreciate them more b/c now we get in faces to much that there are days that we can't stand one another. I believe that by me moving out, we will respect more and appreciate more. Don't get me wrong I have always been able to do whatever I wanted except for this. Why do I worry so much, and why is it so hard to tell my parents. I don't want them to hate me. Please help, I am at my wits end and I don't know what to do.
No, they won't hate you forever, you are their child.
I have to agree with EM in that I would not have married my husband had he been living at home when we met. Heck, I probably would not have even dated him.
I'm not sure how applicable this is to your situation, but I know that I treat hints about something differently from outright statements about it. When somebody hints to me about something they want, it tells me there's something undecided about it in their mind, and I don't give in on it. When they say directly that it's what they want, then I understand that they've made the decision, and work with them on it. The reason for this is that I don't want somebody looking for my decision on something that they need to decide. If they're not sure, I don't want to tell them to go ahead, simply because then I'm making the decision for them.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that they may not really be against you moving out, they may be against you moving out before you're sure that it's what you want or need to do. Simply tell them of your decision... don't justify it, and don't back down. Respond to their concerns reasonably and completely, and it'll probably go better than you expect.
This isn't guaranteed, of course, but it's based on the way I handle things, personally and professionally.
Whos life are you living yours or your parents?
Your parents won't ever hate you no matter what happens, and if they do hate you for living your own life then they really aren't very nice parents to have and I feel sad for you.
seriously move out do your own thing
and you know what, if you don't get married or have kids so?
the world wont' stop spinning
as for normal, its commonly called what is socially accepted by the majority of people in your locality, personally I think there's no possible way to define the word 'normal' and we should live our lives as we damn well see fit regardless of religion race government family or anyone else that wants to control/influence/rent/sale our minds..
on top of this I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you have the happiness you deserve (which you do deserve by the way!!) as soon as possible!!!
It might not be easy. There might be lots of guilt trips. Lots of playing games. Lots of trying to make you feel bad about moving on, but your an adult.
If they do not understand that, it is not your problem but theres. Each family reacts differently but just going by the experiance that I had with my wifes family was unbelievable. There had to be some ties completely cut and still are, but that is part of growing up. You can not let your parents control you your whole life.
I hope that you know, no matter how they react you need to do what is good for you. Another thing that I agree with completely is that how many husbands to be did you miss, that went past you because your still at home?
Catholic and European, oh well. This is an ever changing world and it is your life that you need to live with. Not theirs.
Why did it turn for the worst,because of problems caused by the family. Interference? Not saying this happened, but My wifes family tried everything to break us up once they new we were moving in with each other and getting married.
They did not want to lose control of her and she never stood up for herself and her family made her feel like a piece of dirt on the floor, but now it is different.
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